I don't want to live any more

[Rachie]

You appear to me to certainly need something to change in this situation. Those were my first thoughts when returning to this thread. I read your post again and I saw that you already see a GP. You come across to me as really trying with your own situation. I haven't read many of your posts but all those I have stumble on have suggested it pretty much. They are not many in number.

One thing I was too timid to ask you before you have ADHD I think I read before. Have you explored any medication for that ever? For some and I don't have this to my knowledge but it can help some people. Usually before any pyschartist medication is issued you need to see a pyschatrist. Many do not have access and there are waiting lists. Also, there is accident and emergency who have a mental health team they can alert. There is something called privacy and you do not need to disclose a thing to anyone, people can experience shame uncessarily with medication.

There are so many supermarkets if you explore I hope you can find some hours suitable. I would like to suggest more jobs but nothing about you to suggest more.

Don''t forget Samaritians is there and Mind that I know of to call confidential.

I also wanted to say there are some places that give frozen food to people. Frozen food is usually the most expensive and what families often need. I think this is the case because it was told to me I could call them to give them frozen food given to me I could not make use of and they come to me to colllect to give out. It could be a location issue though regards distrubition as usually. There are also communities that provide meals and give out high quality food. I know as I know someone who works in such a place.

Of course this will ease in time as well, but try and change things may be.

 

[Misty Avich]

You appear to me to certainly need something to change in this situation. Those were my first thoughts when returning to this thread. I read your post again and I saw that you already see a GP. You come across to me as really trying with your own situation. I haven't read many of your posts but all those I have stumble on have suggested it pretty much. They are not many in number.

Thanks, yes I am trying to sort things out. To be honest I just want an easy life, I know that's what everyone wants but for someone with anxiety and who stresses easily an easy life is essential. I just panic and stress over things more than other people, though I have met some NTs who stress easily too and go looking for jobs that require less stress, and I can really relate to them.

One thing I was too timid to ask you before you have ADHD I think I read before. Have you explored any medication for that ever? For some and I don't have this to my knowledge but it can help some people. Usually before any pyschartist medication is issued you need to see a pyschatrist. Many do not have access and there are waiting lists. Also, there is accident and emergency who have a mental health team they can alert. There is something called privacy and you do not need to disclose a thing to anyone, people can experience shame uncessarily with medication.

Yes I have ADHD diagnosed, I'm a bit reluctant to start meditation with that because I'm not sure what it would do. My ADHD traits make me who I am so I'm scared meds might change me or something. I'm on Sertraline, been on them a long time, but I don't think they help any more, as I keep losing control of myself when faced with stressful situations at work and becoming weak and emotional.

There are so many supermarkets if you explore I hope you can find some hours suitable. I would like to suggest more jobs but nothing about you to suggest more.

Don''t forget Samaritians is there and Mind that I know of to call confidential.

I do email Samaritans but I'm not sure they help or not. But it does feel good to be able to unburden myself to someone who is there solely there to listen and not get critical or angry at me.

I also wanted to say there are some places that give frozen food to people. Frozen food is usually the most expensive and what families often need. I think this is the case because it was told to me I could call them to give them frozen food given to me I could not make use of and they come to me to colllect to give out. It could be a location issue though regards distrubition as usually. There are also communities that provide meals and give out high quality food. I know as I know someone who works in such a place.

Of course this will ease in time as well, but try and change things may be.

I'm in a difficult situation at the moment. The job going at the college will be available and the hours and days are excellent, also the job is easy. But it's not many hours a week and will mean less money. But the job I'm in now pays more money and has more hours but is becoming too stressful for me with all the pressure and changes that keep happening. But if I was in the job at the college it would mean we'll be struggling financially at home again and that is equally as stressful as being in a stressful job I no longer like.

So it's hard to choose. I don't really want to be scrounging or scraping for food like it's the 1700s, but I also don't want to be somewhere where I'm anxious, stressed and is causing me to have meltdowns. But being poor also causes me anxiety, stress and meltdowns. The only other option is to just find a different job altogether but that could take months, also I'm feeling too much under stress to focus on looking for other jobs and I'm also looking for a different place to live, which is a separate problem.

Sometimes I just want to get underneath my bed covers and get someone to tell me when they have found me a suitable home and a suitable job. Not because I'm lazy, but because I think I'm going to head towards a nervous breakdown if I carry on dealing with such stress that doctors and council people and employers don't take seriously.

I still can't believe the doctor put my emetophobia down as minor. Maybe that's why I'm pushed to the bottom of the waiting list for therapy. My problems are massive to me and are affecting my mental and physical health, yet are minor to professionals. It's absurd.

 

[Rachie]

Misty Avich I am replying to your above post, but I think it is better to post it like this. I read every word.

Misty in full respect. Family with children for many I am sure is very stressful. I have no children and cannot imagine my parents stress when they say to me you don’t know what it is like to worry about your adult children. I am sure though it is common and I am sure you are doing your best.

Ok, regards medication have you considered a medication review. Don’t answer if you do not to. It seems and it always if something not working it needs to reviewed an alternative may exist. I tried Streatline briefly. There is natural therapy like massage with essential oils you can do yourself that do help some people. They help me for example for certain. Not too much though as the scent can be overpowering for sure.

I was trying to remember the name of the place I was told to call to ask to collect frozen food from my home. I cannot remember it and my phone daunts me to find it. I suggest though if you wanted to search for something like frozen food charity pick up. I will say during COVID i was classified extremely vulnerable. I had to stay home and after a while just went to places in the open air as I usually do. You know we had those long queues.
I never hardly used to go a supermarket and couldn’t. I got a letter to go in the queue in the vulnerable isle. Some people knew and then wanted permamently but I didn’t mind them sharing but not permanently to be using my letter to be using for their family because what about me. I was left in a situation once when I was left with no slots. Even myself with enough to cover myself had to call my borough for assistance as I had no slot and there was more.

At that time I couldn’t go out even to my local store. I had to call my borough and they listened and delivered a once off hamper and I was delighted. I squealed some of the things were ok to me. Tiny pots of yogurts probably a photo exists somewhere and I exclaimed this is too posh for me some of it. I am so basic. I used to adore fish fingers for example, but cannot manage them anymore. So some things were posh but some basic. Veetee in a microwave for example I didn't expect to turn up and it is too posh for me and I don't eat rice. My dad loves Waitrose and I have even bought Veetee rice for him after sending to me I know it would meet his approval. No frozen though and I know they do not give this out.

I wish you the best

 

[Rachie]

I justed texted someone who told me about the frozen food pick up. May be some else reading might want to look into it. It was called Olio in the UK. I don't know how it even works myself but that what was given to me. Just looking in to it a bit more I cannot make it out if it even still going.

How to safely share and receive frozen food - Olio

 

[Misty Avich]

Thanks for your concern but I'm not sure that's really what I want to do, but thank you anyway, your heart is in the right place.

I think I'll see the doctor again and say that my Sertraline isn't working any more, but I think it might be because I'm overly stressed right now. But I'd rather not be on tablets at all really, as I heard it's not good for your liver.
Come to think of it, I remember feeling this same anxiety in 2020 when the covid lockdowns were first in place. Maybe I'm just bad at accepting new rules.

I just wish I were an NT who can tolerate stressful jobs and don't mind rules. No, I don't have ODD, as I respect certain rules that are followed subconsciously and are reasonable, but some rules are just in place for the sake of power and are difficult to remember to follow (for folk with ADHD anyway). Rules make me anxious. I can't stand them.

 

[Jonn]

In the UK we don't really have any dangerous animals lurking around

I'm not so sure about that.

 

[Jonn]

I would try and hang on, if you haven't got help can you see a GP or call someone to talk about what is going on.

Perhaps a mild sedative would help.
It helped me, to some degree, when I lost one of my kids many years ago.

 

[Jonn]

I just wish I were an NT who can tolerate stressful jobs and don't mind rules. No, I don't have ODD, as I respect certain rules that are followed subconsciously and are reasonable, but some rules are just in place for the sake of power and are difficult to remember to follow (for folk with ADHD anyway). Rules make me anxious. I can't stand them.

If the rules are consistent, and not used as a means of domination, I don't have a problem.
I have trouble with double standards and power-abuse.

 

[Misty Avich]

If the rules are consistent, and not used as a means of domination, I don't have a problem.
I have trouble with double standards and power-abuse.

Well, rules like "don't be late for work", "call in sick if you're ill", "don't assault anyone", those sorts of things, are still rules but not what I have a problem with. But stupid rules, like health and safety, really do my head in. It's my body so if I want to take stupid risks then let me. I'm my own person.

Yes, double standards should be illegal in some contexts.

 

[Misty Avich]

Exposure doesn't seem to work for me. I tried exposure self-therapy with various things that make me anxious, but it only made things worse.

Like when I used to have a fear of snow, I'd still force myself to go out in it and have snowball fights with others or whatever, which I enjoyed, but then if the snow was still around the next day I'd panic again, and then the next time it snowed I would start panicking and freaking out again, feeling more scared than ever. The phobia lasted a few years, until I finally found ways to cope, not from exposure though, but from planning what I'll do if it does snow.

My snow phobia first got triggered when I almost slipped on some ice on a sidewalk and a young couple behind me were laughing at me. From that day onwards I suddenly became scared to go out in the snow in case I slipped and got laughed at by strangers again. But back then I hated staying indoors, I had to get out and socialise because I was unemployed back then and hated being home alone (if my family were all out at work), but I was scared to go out too when it snowed. So it got me into a massive helpless panic.
Nowadays I'll give anything to stay indoors where it's safe, as I only really go out to work or sometimes see family.

Buying grippers that you put on the bottom of your shoes helped my phobia a lot. Also global warming has helped, although cold snaps could still return. I remember hardly getting any snow here during the 90s, and only a bit of snow during the 2000s, then from 2009-2013 we kept getting freezing cold snaps and a lot of snow. So, you never know. But like I said, I did get over my phobia some 10 years ago, since I bought the shoe grippers really and when being home became a pleasure.

 

[Jonn]

Exposure doesn't seem to work for me.

Everyone is different. <shrug>

Also:
I overcame the worry of being harassed late in life.
Better late than never.

 

[Misty Avich]

Just saw this on my NHS app about my emetophobia that I've been to see the doctor about three times about the therapy, but I was told to be patient so that's what I've been doing since then but I'm still waiting for this therapy thing that is apparently a magic cure for emetophobia. It's actually laughable how much they don't take me seriously
And people wonder why I am reluctant to see the doctor about any mental illness I have. Maybe crying and yelling is the only way to get the doctor to take you seriously, but then I'd probably be accused of "acting histrionically" or be taken away in white jackets.

 

[Jonn]

Maybe crying and yelling is the only way to get the doctor to take you seriously,

Spoiler: Joke

It works for me.

 

[Misty Avich]

But it just sounds like I went into the doctor's room talking about my phobia of spiders. I mean, yeah, I do have a phobia of spiders, but it's one of those common phobias you just learn to live with. It's not like I wake up each morning thinking "oh God, what if I see a spider today? I can't go on living! I'm petrified! I need help!" It's not like when I see a spider in my house I start thinking suicidal thoughts and becoming extremely anxious and frightened and can't go on. I wouldn't even go to see the doctor about it.

Feel free to laugh, as it is laughable.
Minor phobia. They ought to be on channel 4.

 

[Jonn]

^
You may need to find a more sympathetic facility.
But is that possible?

 

[Misty Avich]

^
You may need to find a more sympathetic facility.
But is that possible?

Well the doctor is the first person you go to in order to get any help.

Would I be taken seriously if I tell the doctor all my symptoms of stress? Which are:-

- Frequent panic attacks/meltdowns
- Breathlessness
- Higher than normal blood pressure
- Chest pains (clenched muscles)
- Shaking, feeling nervous
- Eating a lot for comfort
- Frequent headaches
- Sleeping too much or not enough

It doesn't help when people tell me to "just stop whining". That means I feel obliged to bottle it all up, and that is very difficult and unhealthy too. People need to know how I'm feeling.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm also just stressed about my living environment, not just the noisy people upstairs but with all the mold and grime. We've had several leaks from upstairs over the years, and while they got dealt with, I think they have left mildew growing in places we can't get to, such as inside the walls and ceiling where the leaks were. All we can do is smell whiffs of it every now and then but can't see it anywhere.
Also our wardrobes stink of mold, but there's no mold visibly on the clothes or inside the wardrobes. So now we're leaving our clothes in piles outside the wardrobes (which makes the place look awfully messy and cluttered), while clothes we aren't wearing are still hanging in the wardrobes. We've been meaning to empty out the wardrobes, scrub them out with bleach, wash all the clothes, and buy those air freshener things to hang in the wardrobes and those things that soak up dampness.
But we haven't got round to it and I can't face all the extra laundry. I'm already behind on the laundry.

Ohh it's all just a vicious circle and it's so hard to do these things when you're floored with depression and stress.

It's why I feel so envious of other people when they're given brand new homes with double-glazed windows, and plenty of in-built ventilation and sound insulation. It's something I may never, ever get.

 

[Rodafina]

Exposure doesn't seem to work for me. I tried exposure self-therapy with various things that make me anxious, but it only made things worse.

Misty,
Clinical exposure therapy is not just doing the thing that you fear. It actually cannot be done on your own - the supportive therapeutic relationship with a trained mental health professional is integral to the concept of exposure therapy.

During exposure therapy, a trained therapist works with the client to create a safe environment in which you are gradually more exposed to your fears. They use evidence based approaches to help you process the thoughts and feelings that you have around your fears.

A complex psychological problem arises when we avoid our fears for too long and exposure therapy is meant to work on breaking down the practice of avoidance so that we have fewer restrictions in our lives.

 

[Misty Avich]

That might work with my agoraphobia but not with emetophobia. I have emetophobia because I have R-CPD (please Google if you don't know what that is). The only solution to that is Botox injections but I am not having that, as it's expensive (not available on the NHS) and also makes you burp uncontrollably. I'm too haughty for that.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow and hopefully they can get me signed off work. I just need a couple of weeks away to get my head clear. I've now become extremely anxious about bossman and what he might do to me. The way he reacted today meant he was really, really mad and meant trouble. I can't bear to wait and see what crap awaits me. A disciplinary? Another massive lecture again tomorrow? Even more pressure than any human can handle? Chopping off my head? Oh, wait, that is no longer a legal punishment. But it's still scary to know what does await me and how long I'm going to have to live with the guilt gnawing away at me, all for having a peek at our new work shifts. It doesn't exactly warrant an overreaction like that. I don't ever want to face him again.