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I gained 20 pounds

Warmheart said:
Encouragement: You have choices! Depression and anxiety can understandably have us heading for comfort foods. But, you can make a new choice to treat yourself to better produce in the grocery store, and to move toward a whole foods diet so that you feel better.

What about doing something you've always wanted to do that's active, like swimming at the YMCA? Spend the time and money getting comfy goggles, a great swimsuit, and take an adult swim class! I did, and it helps my mood so much! Or tennis, running, join a barefoot hikers club, a women's softball team, take a gymnastics class, squash, try a kayak or rowing club, it can be something you've dreamed of! The goal ,any be to become fit, but the method can be pure fun!
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I dont have the money to afford YMCA, it's very expensive. I LOVE swimming and nature trails.
 
Butterfly88 said:
I think being healthy is important but please don't lose weight solely to make him happy. If you want to that's different, but you shouldn't feel required to.
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That's the problem...it is his requirement that I maintain a sexy figure. I always go out of my way to make others happy. Meanwhile, I'm crying inside because I want to be loved regardless of how I look.
 
Catlover614 said:
That's the problem...it is his requirement that I maintain a sexy figure. I always go out of my way to make others happy. Meanwhile, I'm crying inside because I want to be loved regardless of how I look.
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Can you talk to him about this? He should care about you too and not just your figure.
 
It's seem that your boyfriend needs to make some changes of his own. It's not ok for you to be crying inside while he is requiring you to maintain a particular figure. That's not ok.

Catlover614 said:
That's the problem...it is his requirement that I maintain a sexy figure. I always go out of my way to make others happy. Meanwhile, I'm crying inside because I want to be loved regardless of how I look.
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Cali Cat said:
Twenty pounds doesn't sound like a whole lot to me. You should be able to lose that if you just cut out refined carbs and exercise vigorously at least three times a week.

I've lost 15 pounds by eating mostly this one vegetable salad I make and very little else. It fills me up, and I love it, so it's been pretty easy. I still need to lose another 25-30 pounds to get to my ideal weight though.

Your boyfriend isn't so different from most men. Most men hope their woman never changes from the girl they fell in love with. My bf doesn't want me to lose weight, if you can believe that! It's a guy thing.
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You must be saving a lot in groceries!:)
 
So let me get this straight he expects you to maintain a sexy figure, but he's not willing to have atleast a serious conversation. For some that has some pretty serious relationship requirements, he doesn't seem to be holding himself to the same standard.

Catlover614 said:
He avoids serious conversations at all costs.
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He may be the type that goes into automatic shutdown when deep emotional concerns are aired. I thought that was mostly an autistic thing. Trust me, the issues are very real and if left to fester, they will build up and eventually explode like a boil. You might need to get creative. Try watching movies, tv, People Magazine etc. with him and casually throw things out like "If that happened to me......" or "If I looked like that......." or you could try to take him out to a public place and start talking about what you both observe about the people you see. Point out women to him just to get his reaction. Be tricky. If he says something ask him why he thinks/feels that way. You can talk about the issues indirectly, and get answers.
 
This thing kind of reminds me of a social experiment I saw on TV years ago. A bikini model had a flat tire on her bicycle. There was NO SHORTAGE of men willing to help her. They put the same woman in a fat suit with the same problem and NO ONE offered to help!
 
midlife aspie said:
He may be the type that goes into automatic shutdown when deep emotional concerns are aired. I thought that was mostly an autistic thing. Trust me, the issues are very real and if left to fester, they will build up and eventually explode like a boil. You might need to get creative. Try watching movies, tv, People Magazine etc. with him and casually throw things out like "If that happened to me......" or "If I looked like that......." or you could try to take him out to a public place and start talking about what you both observe about the people you see. Point out women to him just to get his reaction. Be tricky. If he says something ask him why he thinks/feels that way. You can talk about the issues indirectly, and get answers.
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I see how he reacts when he sees a hot chic, he gets aroused, but not with me.
 
Rayner said:
So let me get this straight he expects you to maintain a sexy figure, but he's not willing to have atleast a serious conversation. For some that has some pretty serious relationship requirements, he doesn't seem to be holding himself to the same standard.
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Agreed.
 
So he doesn't have serious conversations and is interested in other women? I hate to say this but he doesn't sound like a very good boyfriend.
 
Ignore the advice that says to cut out all carbs. Your body needs glucose (It's the brain an nervous system's only source of energy, and in its absence, the body as an emergency strategy breaks down its own proteins to turn them into a substitute), and vegetables are carbs (we all know that cutting out vegetables is neither healthy nor conducive to weight loss!)

Avoid added sugars, yes. You said you'd turned to "comfort foods", avoid those. Don't try to lose weight fast; losing weight slowly but surely is good enough, safer, and easier to sustain long term.
 
At least he doesn't smack me around. I'm grateful for having him in my life. I guess since he's got to put up with me and my weirdness, I can put up with his pervertedness. Give and take, right?
 
Ste11aeres said:
Ignore the advice that says to cut out all carbs. Your body needs glucose (It's the brain an nervous system's only source of energy, and in its absence, the body as an emergency strategy breaks down its own proteins to turn them into a substitute), and vegetables are carbs (we all know that cutting out vegetables is neither healthy nor conducive to weight loss!)

Avoid added sugars, yes. You said you'd turned to "comfort foods", avoid those. Don't try to lose weight fast; losing weight slowly but surely is good enough, safer, and easier to sustain long term.
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I like your advice, thank you. Can I have mashed potatoes and Mac n cheese? Lol, I promise to let go of ice cream and soda, but please let me have Mac n cheese!
 
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