I Remembered Why I Don’t Tell People I’m Autistic…

[AutisticMilly]

Gather around, it’s time for a story with Milly (I can already hear the collective groans from the audience.)

So, last weekend, I attended a Renaissance Festival, as I always do this time of year. I decided to get a Tarot reading. To be clear, I’m a staunch atheist, but have always been interested in the world of fortune-telling and psychics. So, having a reading done in person was something that’s been on my bucket list.

I sat down one-on-one with the tarot reader, and she had me introduce myself. She was an older lady who fit the bill of an old-time psychic reader. About five minutes in, she asked me what my occupation was. I was honest with her, and said that while I don’t have a position currently, I just enrolled in a job placement program for autistic people. I thought that if was going to get the most “accurate” reading, I should tell the truth, right? I guess she should’ve been able to guess that, you know, because she can see the future or whatever. But I digress.

She paused for a moment, looked at me, and said, “So, you’re a person with autism?” I tried not to grit my teeth at the person-first language, as most people that use it don’t know that most people prefer just being called “autistic”. But, throughout the rest of the reading, the vibe was… different. I felt like I had made things awkward.

After the reading was over, I remembered why I don’t tell people I’m autistic; because, 1. It makes people uncomfortable, 2. They don’t believe me, or 3. They think differently of me.

I now open the floor to you. Do you usually tell people that you’re autistic, or do you keep it hidden? Some people cannot hide their autism. But for people like me, who mask, it can be a surprise when folks learn the truth.

 

[stevens]

No, no, not unless the person knows me well already. Never at work, other than to joke about the "engineer mentality" (many of my coworkers shared my affliction, then unnamed as I am now retired).

Back when it was called "Aspergers" by the general public, I sometimes used that name with lesser acquaintances, which was better received because many kids were being diagnosed in the 1990's with Asperger Syndrome, so quite a few adults had first person experience with this.

Today, if you disclose autism (or, worse, PDD-NOS), the average person is likely to assume that you are mentally disabled. This is the same kind of reception people with Cerebral Palsy get, although they are as mentally functional as anyone else. After disclosure, it can be impossible to have a meaningful conversation with the person who received the disclosure. Unfortunately, this is true in a much worse way today than in the late 1990's. I also am very careful about avoiding this subject with medical doctors as well, unless I know that they have the proper knowledge of what autism is and how it manifests.

In most social situations, I'd rather just be perceived as "weird." That's a lot easier to navigate around.

 

[DrBadStrings]

After the reading was over, I remembered why I don’t tell people I’m autistic; because, 1. It makes people uncomfortable, 2. They don’t believe me, or 3. They think differently of me.

I now open the floor to you. Do you usually tell people that you’re autistic, or do you keep it hidden? Some people cannot hide their autism. But for people like me, who mask, it can be a surprise when folks learn the truth.

I'm coming to realize this point. I only found out about being autistic back in May. Always just thought myself a little odd for sure but not autistic. Anyways i have found that when I bring it up a lot of people fall into a mix of 1,2, and 3.

I actually had an interaction with a potential romantic interest last week where everything was going great, until she asked why, in my studying psychology, did I want to focus on autism. Well I told her it was because I recently found out I was autistic myself. Conversation ground to a halt right there and I'm sure if I'd said "because I have an autistic relative" they probably would have thought it sweet.

I've decided that those close to me I'll be open about it. No choice really as they all know now. But strangers from here on out I'm not going to bring it up unless absolutely necessary.

It's tough when it's dealing with something in your head. If you have an injury, or physical disability people get that instantly no questions asked. But mental matters seem to weird Neurotypicals out, especially the ones that have never had any mental health problems themselves. I think a lot of the reaction is they simply don't know what to do. They can help someone with a broken leg by carrying their bags. Or helping a blind person down a flight of stairs. They don't realize that the best thing they could probably do for us, or any ND, is listen to what we have to say, nonjudgmentally.

 

[jsilver256]

I've had to explain to a few deaf people why my signing style is strange. Other than that I don't say much. My family would prefer to think I am a bad parent rather than accept that my youngest is autistic, let alone me. Although I already have an older NT kid who is doing great and nailing schoolwork. It is what it is.

 

[DrBadStrings]

I've had to explain to a few deaf people why my signing style is strange. Other than that I don't say much. My family would prefer to think I am a bad parent rather than accept that my youngest is autistic, let alone me. Although I already have an older NT kid who is doing great and nailing schoolwork. It is what it is.

If you don't want to answer that's fine, I really don't want to pry. I'm just curious what they thought odd about your signing style? Is it similar to some of the verbal communication issues like needing time to process so responding in conversations a little slower, or I guess starting to sign slower? Or is it the just word choice?

 

[jsilver256]

If you don't want to answer that's fine, I really don't want to pry. I'm just curious what they thought odd about your signing style? Is it similar to some of the verbal communication issues like needing time to process so responding in conversations a little slower, or I guess starting to sign slower? Or is it the just word choice?

Lack of facial expressions, slow processing, mixing up words sometimes

if you look at my writing up until I was 7 or so, my word ordering was pants-on-fire horrible. like dyslexia except at the whole word level and not letter level.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I advertise it on t-shirts. That frequently has people asking about autism or sharing that they have an autistic friend or relative or that they are autistic. Prior to diagnosis, I was extremely ignorant about autism. I am well above average intelligence, and I figure if I was so ignorant about autism, most people probably are. Since I can't be fired from retirement, I don't mind being the weird guy helping people have a better understanding of autism

 

[Outdated]

A lesson I learnt very early on in life is to never make excuses for yourself. I never knew the word autism until later in life but I certainly knew I was different. Sometimes people would point this out to me and I'd just smile and say Yes.

You can put whatever labels you like on it, I'm just me.

 

[Judge]

Best to keep it on a "need-to-know" basis only. Regardless of family ties.

 

[Misty Avich]

I never tell people I'm ASD. Never, ever. It's just best left unsaid in my experience. Obviously I can't do anything about the many people who were told I had it by my parents the minute I got diagnosed because I was just a child then, but I can control who knows now and I love having that sort of control. It's marvellous being in a place where nobody knows I have it, as in there's no written proof anywhere at work that says I have it.

Only thing is, living a life of stubbornly not telling a living soul about a diagnosis can feel like a mission, as I live in fear that one day my diagnosis is going to be revealed to the whole world without my consent or control or I'm going to be in some situation where I am forced to reveal my diagnosis otherwise I'll be breaking a law if I deny it or something. That's my worst ever nightmare.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I don’t tell people. If appropriate I’ll explain a symptom, such as not liking crowds, or noise or whatever.

 

[thejuice]

She is probably scared of autistics because they won't believe her

 

[FilterFreq]

I tell people when it's appropriate. If I can mask my way out of a situation, there's no need. If I'm acting kind of erratic or strange and it demands an explanation, "Sorry, I'm autistic" will do. They can believe me or not, but it's a fair warning either way.

 

[FilterFreq]

I advertise it on t-shirts. That frequently has people asking about autism or sharing that they have an autistic friend or relative or that they are autistic. Prior to diagnosis, I was extremely ignorant about autism. I am well above average intelligence, and I figure if I was so ignorant about autism, most people probably are. Since I can't be fired from retirement, I don't mind being the weird guy helping people have a better understanding of autism

Dang, I feel really inspired by this. What a kind, winning attitude, too. I genuinely want to learn how to adopt this attitude in life.

 

[Tired]

I'm coming to realize this point. I only found out about being autistic back in May. Always just thought myself a little odd for sure but not autistic. Anyways i have found that when I bring it up a lot of people fall into a mix of 1,2, and 3.

I actually had an interaction with a potential romantic interest last week where everything was going great, until she asked why, in my studying psychology, did I want to focus on autism. Well I told her it was because I recently found out I was autistic myself. Conversation ground to a halt right there and I'm sure if I'd said "because I have an autistic relative" they probably would have thought it sweet.

I've decided that those close to me I'll be open about it. No choice really as they all know now. But strangers from here on out I'm not going to bring it up unless absolutely necessary.

It's tough when it's dealing with something in your head. If you have an injury, or physical disability people get that instantly no questions asked. But mental matters seem to weird Neurotypicals out, especially the ones that have never had any mental health problems themselves. I think a lot of the reaction is they simply don't know what to do. They can help someone with a broken leg by carrying their bags. Or helping a blind person down a flight of stairs. They don't realize that the best thing they could probably do for us, or any ND, is listen to what we have to say, nonjudgmentally.

so in the end telling potential love interest about autism seems like a good filter. if they like you - they'll just continue liking you, and they'll want to learn about autism, to understand you better. And if they freak out - you don't need them in your life.

 

[Tired]

She is probably scared of autistics because they won't believe her

How did you come to this conclusion?

 

[Mary Terry]

A lesson I learnt very early on in life is to never make excuses for yourself. I never knew the word autism until later in life but I certainly knew I was different. Sometimes people would point this out to me and I'd just smile and say Yes.

You can put whatever labels you like on it, I'm just me.

I love your attitude.

 

[DrBadStrings]

so in the end telling potential love interest about autism seems like a good filter. if they like you - they'll just continue liking you, and they'll want to learn about autism, to understand you better. And if they freak out - you don't need them in your life.

That is a very good way to look at it. Instead of feeling dejected and rejected I just saved myself some major potential head and heartache in the future.

 

[Misty Avich]

It's not always about how others will react, it's also how I feel about it. I just get too embarrassed to tell people.

 

[Xinyta]

I am in a somewhat similar boat to @Misty Avich with this.

Though alot of it is more about me having a hard time talking about myself, period. Not just about Autism. Though that stems from my trama related to emotional neglect and mental abuse as a child. I have, for a long time, feared saying or doing much of anything without being told otherwise. Otherwise I expect that I'll be judged, made fun of, and/or yelled at and have insults thrown at me.

I realize people will not do this. My stepmother is a anomaly that is just a spiteful humanbeing. It's just been really hard to get over it.