I Remembered Why I Don’t Tell People I’m Autistic…

[Misty Avich]

I had a hard time with having a label when I was a kid. Being diagnosed at 8 with only mild autism (Asperger's) as a female is extremely rare, and I do sometimes wish I was diagnosed later in life like everyone else. Being The Kid With A Label was shameful and embarrassing as a kid, just like some kids feel embarrassed or ashamed about being in foster care or having divorced parents. And I did get treated differently because of it.

It's a long story to explain but my feelings and experiences on my diagnosis should be valid and should never be demonised for it, which I have been here before but I feel I should be allowed to express myself here. Being ashamed of having AS doesn't mean I'm ashamed of everyone else with autism. I wish people would understand that.

(Not referring to any posts in this thread).

 

[Xinyta]

I had a hard time with having a label when I was a kid. Being diagnosed at 8 with only mild autism (Asperger's) as a female is extremely rare, and I do sometimes wish I was diagnosed later in life like everyone else. Being The Kid With A Label was shameful and embarrassing as a kid, just like some kids feel embarrassed or ashamed about being in foster care or having divorced parents. And I did get treated differently because of it.

It's a long story to explain but my feelings and experiences on my diagnosis should be valid and should never be demonised for it, which I have been here before but I feel I should be allowed to express myself here. Being ashamed of having AS doesn't mean I'm ashamed of everyone else with autism. I wish people would understand that.

(Not referring to any posts in this thread).

It maybe not much consolation, but I don't blame you for feeling ashamed. It's hard to not feel ashamed of your ASD in a world that scrutinizes it already.

I, and many others, tend to question our own ASD too. If we really have it.

I personally find it difficult too to justify sharing about my odd quarks. I only talk about it with my Uncle, albeit with some hesitation, because I know he is here to help.

 

[FayetheAspie]

I'm coming to realize this point. I only found out about being autistic back in May. Always just thought myself a little odd for sure but not autistic. Anyways i have found that when I bring it up a lot of people fall into a mix of 1,2, and 3.

I actually had an interaction with a potential romantic interest last week where everything was going great, until she asked why, in my studying psychology, did I want to focus on autism. Well I told her it was because I recently found out I was autistic myself. Conversation ground to a halt right there and I'm sure if I'd said "because I have an autistic relative" they probably would have thought it sweet.

I've decided that those close to me I'll be open about it. No choice really as they all know now. But strangers from here on out I'm not going to bring it up unless absolutely necessary.

It's tough when it's dealing with something in your head. If you have an injury, or physical disability people get that instantly no questions asked. But mental matters seem to weird Neurotypicals out, especially the ones that have never had any mental health problems themselves. I think a lot of the reaction is they simply don't know what to do. They can help someone with a broken leg by carrying their bags. Or helping a blind person down a flight of stairs. They don't realize that the best thing they could probably do for us, or any ND, is listen to what we have to say, nonjudgmentally.

I think it is actually a good thing that she found out right off because if she dislikes autistic people, how would it have went if the relationship had developed more and then she eventually learned about your diagnosis later. I know the experience was probably painful but I think it would have been more painful if she found out later on and responded the same way.

 

[Misty Avich]

It maybe not much consolation, but I don't blame you for feeling ashamed. It's hard to not feel ashamed of your ASD in a world that scrutinizes it already.

I, and many others, tend to question our own ASD too. If we really have it.

I personally find it difficult too to justify sharing about my odd quarks. I only talk about it with my Uncle, albeit with some hesitation, because I know he is here to help.

I sort of talk about it to my two aunties because they were the first to know about it back when I was first diagnosed, apart from my mum of course but she sadly died from cancer.
My dad has always denied my label and has always loved to just see me as his loving, quirky daughter. I've never blamed him for that.

Otherwise, apart from when I'm on this forum, I just go through life pretending I don't have it, or at least pretending I don't have a diagnosis. I think it's just pride really.

I'm glad to hear that many autistics are happy with their diagnosis or just accept it as who they are and gladly tell people. I would never advise against that at all. Autism isn't for everyone to be embarrassed about. But I just am, probably because of the sort of trauma I had during childhood or maybe the fact that I'm the only one in my family with it and I sometimes get angry about it.

 

[Suzanne]

I never say that anyway, because if I did, the reaction would be disbelief and I am not able to deal with it.

I say: I have Asperger's syndrome or ASD.

 

[Tom]

I treat it as private info. Only have told family and a few trusted friends. I don't like the way people can pigeon hole you. Though I do like pigeons. They seem gentle social creatures. It occurs to me that if I was an alien looking to gather information on humans taking the form of pigeons would be a clever way to do it, and get free birdseed for their troubles.

 

[thejuice]

I sort of talk about it to my two aunties because they were the first to know about it back when I was first diagnosed, apart from my mum of course but she sadly died from cancer.
My dad has always denied my label and has always loved to just see me as his loving, quirky daughter. I've never blamed him for that.

Otherwise, apart from when I'm on this forum, I just go through life pretending I don't have it, or at least pretending I don't have a diagnosis. I think it's just pride really.

I'm glad to hear that many autistics are happy with their diagnosis or just accept it as who they are and gladly tell people. I would never advise against that at all. Autism isn't for everyone to be embarrassed about. But I just am, probably because of the sort of trauma I had during childhood or maybe the fact that I'm the only one in my family with it and I sometimes get angry about it.

Makes sense because calling someone autistic is still used as a common insult.

 

[Misty Avich]

Another reason why I don't like telling people is because the social rules are different when you're an Aspie. It's why I often got the blame at school whenever other girls were mean to me or didn't want to be my friend any more. When I told a teacher (who knew I had AS) they just assumed it was me causing the trouble because I was the one with the social deficit. Or you get an empathy lecture rabbiting on about people's feelings and other crap that you already know about - even though you're trying to survive in a world where you've often had to deal with people not considering your feelings at all and saying or doing stuff to you that you would never dream of treating others like. Some Aspies are bullied by their own family members. And yet somehow it's the Aspie's fault.

I have found that life is SO much better when nobody knows your diagnosis. It's a breath of fresh air really. After years of having the label following me around (school, college, unemployment courses, my previous job) it just feels like I'm finally in control of who knows and who doesn't and it's wonderful. I feel free. I feel like one of the NTs. It's great.

 

[FayetheAspie]

If I don't tell people they may or may not guess accurately, however I don't think very many mistake me as neurotypical for very long at all.

 

[thejuice]

Another reason why I don't like telling people is because the social rules are different when you're an Aspie. It's why I often got the blame at school whenever other girls were mean to me or didn't want to be my friend any more. When I told a teacher (who knew I had AS) they just assumed it was me causing the trouble because I was the one with the social deficit. Or you get an empathy lecture rabbiting on about people's feelings and other crap that you already know about - even though you're trying to survive in a world where you've often had to deal with people not considering your feelings at all and saying or doing stuff to you that you would never dream of treating others like. Some Aspies are bullied by their own family members. And yet somehow it's the Aspie's fault.

I have found that life is SO much better when nobody knows your diagnosis. It's a breath of fresh air really. After years of having the label following me around (school, college, unemployment courses, my previous job) it just feels like I'm finally in control of who knows and who doesn't and it's wonderful. I feel free. I feel like one of the NTs. It's great.

When I told my family about autism, everything became about the autism, which took a little away from my feeling of individuality. You do feel infantilised sometimes.

 

[Misty Avich]

When I told my family about autism, everything became about the autism, which took a little away from my feeling of individuality. You do feel infantilised sometimes.

That's what happened when I was first diagnosed at 8. It's why I feel so traumatised about it. Sorry if 'traumatised' is not the right word, but it's something like that anyway.