I would trade it all

[BewilderedPerson]

Out of nowhere, I match with someone on Hinge last Wednesday. She wants me to ask her out for dinner and I ask to meet her for pizza this past Sunday, she agrees. We text all day last Wednesday until about midnight, then for a good while on Thursday.

I was supposed to cover an event for my job last Thursday, but it got rained out and postponed, so did everything other sporting event in the area. She asks to move the date up from Sunday to that night.

So, I pick her up and take her to a restaurant that’s minutes away and we have pizza and in my car, I give her a kiss, then she comes into me and we start kissing passionately and make out for the first time. We’re in the parking lot and I tell her we shouldn’t be doing this here, so we went behind closed doors and continued.

She then asks me for sex. I tell her I don’t have rubbers, but she does and gives me one. It’s only my second time ever and first time since I paid someone where it was legal in 2016, so my first time without having to pay someone. We do different things.

I’m nervous because I don’t want it to break or knock her up. I’m unable to release, but it’s still sex and we make out a few more times that night and we spend many more hours together - including cuddling up and watching an episode of the Spring Baking Championships and walking her dog with her.

We plan out the weekend together, and I briefly see her to bring her a drink she likes from Sonic to her work on Friday, give her one kiss on the cheek and leave.

She wants all these different things she likes - back rubs. She wants a man who will give her flowers, take her plant shopping, try new restaurants, go on road trips, walks in parks, etc. She’s very insecure about her body, about different things and I make a habit of affirming and reassuring her.

We see each other again Saturday and she doesn’t want me coming inside again due to her having cats and a dog and me being allergic - my allergies started getting to me last Thursday when I was over.

I surprise her with a yellow rose and she tells me how sweet I am. I take her to a Mexican restaurant she hasn’t been to before. We take a walk in a nearby park, while we get ice cream after that and I drive her back. We do a lot of making out in my car in her driveway. I lower her seat all the way back and she starts laughing and soon tells me she’s turned on. After lot of intimacy, she gets out of the car and we have a big road trip planned all day for Sunday.

She sent me some photos of her for me to pleasure myself with, which she found sexy/hot.

We decide to split costs on Sunday - her driving to this museum we both want to see 2.5 hours away and getting gas, while I pay for admission and lunch. We have a good time, a blast, and we’re talking about different things - the pictures and the pleasure. And she agreed to have sex with me again this coming Sunday. She challenged me not to pleasure myself more than three times this week (I haven’t done so since Sunday night. She also said she likes facial hair and I’ve been trying to let a beard grow for her).

We agree to go for a walk in a park across from that ice cream place after I’d be done with work last night, but then tells me Tuesday she can’t meet when I check in with her on how her week’s going, which she tells me it’s crazy and how she has this stuff after work yesterday and I tell her about another idea I had in mind - to take her plant shopping Saturday and take her to a pizzeria we passed up on our road trip she hasn’t been to yet. She tells me that’s really sweet, but she’ll be spending all day with her girlfriends.

So, I start to get my doubts about how she feels, but I just tell her if she wants/needs me, I’m there for support, that I hope she can distress and she’ll get through this. She thanks me and I don’t text her yesterday or today.

Then I get this from her this morning: ‘I hate to be this person and do this like this but I also don't want to string you along because that isn't fair either. I do not see this going anywhere for me. You're a very nice well-intentioned guy but I don't think that we are compatible. You deserve someone that is all in with you, and that is not me.’

So, then I ask her what I did wrong. I tell her I’m disappointed, but not surprised.

‘You didn't do anything. You were yourself. It isn't about doing something wrong or what not. It is about compatibility. I just don't think that we are. Doesn't mean you are any less. Just means I'm not the one for you.’

So, that was the last of it.

It stings. It’s made me question my self-worth and what I’m good for in this world. Yes, I’ve come a long way in dating since my high school/college years. I can get dates, I can get kisses, I can get something short term, I can even get sex now, apparently.

But I want more, and I’d trade it all.

My state’s Society of Professional Journalists chapter has informed me I’ve won an award, albeit I don’t know what place. I got second last year. I got some second and third place awards at my previous job. Even I got first place, I’d trade it for a woman.

Not only do I have an autographed Sports Illustrated collection I treasure dearly, Sports Illustrated actually mentioned me in an article because a team cited my work when I interviewed this former pitcher of theirs from the ‘60s who died last summer. The team actually had a quote, citation from my our interview and they mentioned me by name on their memorial to him by their Wall of Fame. My work has been cited in a few baseball books.

I would trade it all for a woman.

I’ve got a public job where I’m well-known and well-received in the area. I had a semester in college where I made the Dean’s List. I served as the Vice President of my school’s honor society chapter my senior year and did a lot to turn my life around multiple times.

I get praised by so many people for dedication to my job and the work ethic I have.

I’d trade all of it, all of it, for a woman. I was ready to put all my concentration into her and was keeping my word. Then this happened.

I would trade it all.

 

[thejuice]

I dont do dating apps but is there any way you filter results for woman seeking long term partners? Seems dating apps attracts those that want Instant gratification, which perhaps isnt conducive to long term success?

 

[BewilderedPerson]

I dont do dating apps but is there any way you filter results for woman seeking long term partners? Seems dating apps attracts those that want Instant gratification, which perhaps isnt conducive to long term success?

These women I’m seeing - the one who broke my heart last month, then stung me this time, they both put on their profiles they were looking for long term relationships.

And this one who just dumped me after the third date had previously told me her partner was also on the spectrum.

Two positives, though:

1. She helped me get the last woman who hurt me out of my system.

2. I’ve proven I’m desirable and attractive enough to get sex from someone without having to pay for it.

 

[Au Naturel]

Out of nowhere, I match with someone on Hinge last Wednesday. She wants me to ask her out for dinner and I ask to meet her for pizza this past Sunday, she agrees. We text all day last Wednesday until about midnight, then for a good while on Thursday.

I was supposed to cover an event for my job last Thursday, but it got rained out and postponed, so did everything other sporting event in the area. She asks to move the date up from Sunday to that night.

So, I pick her up and take her to a restaurant that’s minutes away and we have pizza and in my car, I give her a kiss, then she comes into me and we start kissing passionately and make out for the first time. We’re in the parking lot and I tell her we shouldn’t be doing this here, so we went behind closed doors and continued.

She then asks me for sex. I tell her I don’t have rubbers, but she does and gives me one. It’s only my second time ever and first time since I paid someone where it was legal in 2016, so my first time without having to pay someone. We do different things.

I’m nervous because I don’t want it to break or knock her up. I’m unable to release, but it’s still sex and we make out a few more times that night and we spend many more hours together - including cuddling up and watching an episode of the Spring Baking Championships and walking her dog with her.

We plan out the weekend together, and I briefly see her to bring her a drink she likes from Sonic to her work on Friday, give her one kiss on the cheek and leave.

She wants all these different things she likes - back rubs. She wants a man who will give her flowers, take her plant shopping, try new restaurants, go on road trips, walks in parks, etc. She’s very insecure about her body, about different things and I make a habit of affirming and reassuring her.

We see each other again Saturday and she doesn’t want me coming inside again due to her having cats and a dog and me being allergic - my allergies started getting to me last Thursday when I was over.

I surprise her with a yellow rose and she tells me how sweet I am. I take her to a Mexican restaurant she hasn’t been to before. We take a walk in a nearby park, while we get ice cream after that and I drive her back. We do a lot of making out in my car in her driveway. I lower her seat all the way back and she starts laughing and soon tells me she’s turned on. She asks if I want her to suck me off. So, she does it, though I again can’t release, and after a lot of intimacy, she gets out of the car and we have a big road trip planned all day for Sunday.

She sent me some photos of her for me to pleasure myself with, which she found sexy/hot.

We decide to split costs on Sunday - her driving to this museum we both want to see 2.5 hours away and getting gas, while I pay for admission and lunch. We have a good time, a blast, and we’re talking about different things - the pictures and the pleasure. And she agreed to have sex with me again this coming Sunday. She challenged me not to pleasure myself more than three times this week (I haven’t done so since Sunday night. She also said she likes facial hair and I’ve been trying to let a beard grow for her).

We agree to go for a walk in a park across from that ice cream place after I’d be done with work last night, but then tells me Tuesday she can’t meet when I check in with her on how her week’s going, which she tells me it’s crazy and how she has this stuff after work yesterday and I tell her about another idea I had in mind - to take her plant shopping Saturday and take her to a pizzeria we passed up on our road trip she hasn’t been to yet. She tells me that’s really sweet, but she’ll be spending all day with her girlfriends.

So, I start to get my doubts about how she feels, but I just tell her if she wants/needs me, I’m there for support, that I hope she can distress and she’ll get through this. She thanks me and I don’t text her yesterday or today.

Then I get this from her this morning: ‘I hate to be this person and do this like this but I also don't want to string you along because that isn't fair either. I do not see this going anywhere for me. You're a very nice well-intentioned guy but I don't think that we are compatible. You deserve someone that is all in with you, and that is not me.’

So, then I ask her what I did wrong. I tell her I’m disappointed, but not surprised.

‘You didn't do anything. You were yourself. It isn't about doing something wrong or what not. It is about compatibility. I just don't think that we are. Doesn't mean you are any less. Just means I'm not the one for you.’

So, that was the last of it.

It stings. It’s made me question my self-worth and what I’m good for in this world. Yes, I’ve come a long way in dating since my high school/college years. I can get dates, I can get kisses, I can get something short term, I can even get sex now, apparently.

But I want more, and I’d trade it all.

My state’s Society of Professional Journalists chapter has informed me I’ve won an award, albeit I don’t know what place. I got second last year. I got some second and third place awards at my previous job. Even I got first place, I’d trade it for a woman.

Not only do I have an autographed Sports Illustrated collection I treasure dearly, Sports Illustrated actually mentioned me in an article because a team cited my work when I interviewed this former pitcher of theirs from the ‘60s who died last summer. The team actually had a quote, citation from my our interview and they mentioned me by name on their memorial to him by their Wall of Fame. My work has been cited in a few baseball books.

I would trade it all for a woman.

I’ve got a public job where I’m well-known and well-received in the area. I had a semester in college where I made the Dean’s List. I served as the Vice President of my school’s honor society chapter my senior year and did a lot to turn my life around multiple times.

I get praised by so many people for dedication to my job and the work ethic I have.

I’d trade all of it, all of it, for a woman. I was ready to put all my concentration into her and was keeping my word. Then this happened.

I would trade it all.

That pretty much describes most dating for most people. They don't put so much importance on any one person because they know the probability of it clicking is low. If it doesn't click, they are a bit bummed but they move on.

"Looking for a commitment," doesn't mean you're a match.

It is actually unfair to the other person to put so much need into a relationship that has barely started. Too much too quick will often frighten away a potential partner. It marks you as "needy." Courtship is usually ramped up slowly and can take months before a commitment is reached. (Having sex is emotionally important to some and not to others. Even really good sex.) Cutting it short before it gets too deeper is sometimes the right thing.

I won't say I had "many" lovers but I had a few. And women I just dated. Many swings before a hit, and you can't know if you're ever going to score, so do not base the significance of your life on pairing up with a woman.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

That pretty much describes most dating for most people. They don't put so much importance on any one person because they know the probability of it clicking is low. If it doesn't click, they are a bit bummed but they move on.

"Looking for a commitment," doesn't mean you're a match.

It is actually unfair to the other person to put so much need into a relationship that has barely started. Too much too quick will often frighten away a potential partner. It marks you as "needy." Courtship is usually ramped up slowly and can take months before a commitment is reached. (Having sex is emotionally important to some and not to others. Even really good sex.) Cutting it short before it gets too deeper is sometimes the right thing.

I won't say I had "many" lovers but I had a few. And women I just dated. Many swings before a hit, and you can't know if you're ever going to score, so do not base the significance of your life on pairing up with a woman.

Me, needy? When she was the one who wanted to move up our date? When she was the one who said her love language is acts of service, who said she wanted to someone to do things for her? When I kissed her one time, then she pulled me in for a make out session in a parking lot before I stopped it to move it behind closed doors? When I was just going to give her a back rub, then she took my hand and put them on her boobs and asked me for sex?

Again, I didn’t ask her for sex, she asked me for sex. I didn’t ask her to suck me off. She asked if I wanted her to suck me off.

She was the one who told me all of her needs and she’s wanting a partner to do, and I was all to happy to put the work in - her being insecure about her body and low self esteem.

I feel like I’ve accomplished and had so much in my life, and I want this really badly, too. I’m ready to put in the effort for a woman I did and would’ve continued to do for her. And I’m ready for a woman to appreciate it in full and never leave me.

 

[MNAus]

Me, needy? When she was the one who wanted to move up our date? When she was the one who said her love language is acts of service, who said she wanted to someone to do things for her? When I kissed her one time, then she pulled me in for a make out session in a parking lot before I stopped it to move it behind closed doors? When I was just going to give her a back rub, then she took my hand and put them on her boobs and asked me for sex?

Again, I didn’t ask her for sex, she asked me for sex. I didn’t ask her to suck me off. She asked if I wanted her to suck me off.

She was the one who told me all of her needs and she’s wanting a partner to do, and I was all to happy to put the work in - her being insecure about her body and low self esteem.

I feel like I’ve accomplished and had so much in my life, and I want this really badly, too. I’m ready to put in the effort for a woman I did and would’ve continued to do for her. And I’m ready for a woman to appreciate it in full and never leave me.

Well, today you learned that some people like the thrill of the chase and can become pretty flakey once that excitement is over. They will swear blind upfront that the want to settle down, want a serious relationship, yet the moment that endorphin filled first encounter is over they can't recapture what they want on the second date. Is it fair? Not really, but I think they actually do hope for that future, they're just not capable of experiencing it ATM.

But whatever, you should have learned a lesson here and yet you still seem to be offering yourself up for all takers. There are plenty of people here who will happily tell you that being in a bad relationship is worse than being alone, but I fully understand you might find that hard to believe. Still, I would hope at this point you're starting to get more of a feeling of not settling for anything that crosses your path, yet this woman was basically telling you how to serve her and you were "fine". I mean, I guess that's fine if that's your thing, but is it really what you want?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

That pretty much describes most dating for most people. They don't put so much importance on any one person because they know the probability of it clicking is low. If it doesn't click, they are a bit bummed but they move on.

"Looking for a commitment," doesn't mean you're a match.

It is actually unfair to the other person to put so much need into a relationship that has barely started. Too much too quick will often frighten away a potential partner. It marks you as "needy." Courtship is usually ramped up slowly and can take months before a commitment is reached. (Having sex is emotionally important to some and not to others. Even really good sex.) Cutting it short before it gets too deeper is sometimes the right thing.

I won't say I had "many" lovers but I had a few. And women I just dated. Many swings before a hit, and you can't know if you're ever going to score, so do not base the significance of your life on pairing up with a woman.

I have had only one lover, but when our interests, values, and goals matched we clung to each other as if we were part of a miracle. We were in a LDR, living 300 miles apart, yet we traveled each weekend between our homes to keep the relationship alive. After six months of this I knew that we had the commitment to make our relationship work and I moved to be with her. We have been married 45 years. Talk about goals; in '85 we both decided to purchase property in a part of the Great Lakes that we loved and got 40 acres. Per our long-term goals, by 2011 we built a home there from a layout by my spouse for single-floor living (and, I did the mechanicals). We both retired the next year and have a nice life since; bicycling, hiking, skiing, canoeing, kayaking.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

Well, today you learned that some people like the thrill of the chase and can become pretty flakey once that excitement is over. They will swear blind upfront that the want to settle down, want a serious relationship, yet the moment that endorphin filled first encounter is over they can't recapture what they want on the second date. Is it fair? Not really, but I think they actually do hope for that future, they're just not capable of experiencing it ATM.

But whatever, you should have learned a lesson here and yet you still seem to be offering yourself up for all takers. There are plenty of people here who will happily tell you that being in a bad relationship is worse than being alone, but I fully understand you might find that hard to believe. Still, I would hope at this point you're starting to get more of a feeling of not settling for anything that crosses your path, yet this woman was basically telling you how to serve her and you were "fine". I mean, I guess that's fine if that's your thing, but is it really what you want?

I know it. I know I’m not in it for any chase or excitement. I’m in this for something without any game playing, wanting the real thing.

I mean, I did think we had stuff in common and saw some attraction in her.

I see both sides. I guess it depends on what bad is - if you mean abusive with infidelity, obviously being alone is better.

This doesn’t happen often. I rarely make it past the first date, even rarer for me to get past a second one. Once there is a taker, I will offer myself only to them. I will delete all apps and focus only that person.

Furthermore, if you give me sex on the first date, if you offer continued sexual intimacy on the second date, if we make out at least once on all three dates, you mean something to me. Why wouldn’t I try to put forth my best, honest effort?

 

[MNAus]

I know it. I know I’m not in it for any chase or excitement. I’m in this for something without any game playing, wanting the real thing.

I mean, I did think we had stuff in common and saw some attraction in her.

I see both sides. I guess it depends on what bad is - if you mean abusive with infidelity, obviously being alone is better.

This doesn’t happen often. I rarely make it past the first date, even rarer for me to get past a second one. Once there is a taker, I will offer myself only to them. I will delete all apps and focus only that person.

Furthermore, if you give me sex on the first date, if you suck me off on the second date, if we make out at least once on all three dates, you mean something to me. Why wouldn’t I try to put forth my best, honest effort?

And in that way, I guess she was right, you aren't compatible. Because you had a very different view on sex to her. I can't imagine that wouldn't have consequences later had you stayed together. It's not that either of you were "wrong" per se, it's that you have different viewpoints.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

And in that way, I guess she was right, you aren't compatible. Because you had a very different view on sex to her. I can't imagine that wouldn't have consequences later had you stayed together. It's not that either of you were "wrong" per se, it's that you have different viewpoints.

I know she was telling me her pleasures and what she likes.

Maybe other people can dump someone not long after having sex. Unless my partner were to do something egregious, I’m going to look to build something with them and stay loyal to them.

 

[Au Naturel]

Sex means a lot less to some people than others. Or maybe, confronted by a possible future relationship, she lost her nerve and bugged out. Take her final message as the truth. You have no reason to think otherwise.

It takes time to build a friendship. Even longer to build love. My wife and I were together for weeks before deciding it was worth pursuing beyond lust. Then months before an engagement. Then months before marriage.

A long time before that I was engaged to another woman. It was 6 months of mostly hot and heavy. We even met each other's parents. But as the date got close, she got cold feet. We went our separate ways. That's how love can go. I remember that time fondly and would not trade it even if it didn't work out and I was seriously bummed out for months after.

These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume. The sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness,
And in the taste confounds the appetite.
Therefore love moderately: Long love doth so.
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.

Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 6

 

[BewilderedPerson]

Sex means a lot less to some people than others. Or maybe, confronted by a possible future relationship, she lost her nerve and bugged out. Take her final message as the truth. You have no reason to think otherwise.

It takes time to build a friendship. Even longer to build love. My wife and I were together for weeks before deciding it was worth pursuing beyond lust. Then months before an engagement. Then months before marriage.

A long time before that I was engaged to another woman. It was 6 months of mostly hot and heavy. We even met each other's parents. But as the date got close, she got cold feet. We went our separate ways. That's how love can go. I remember that time fondly and would not trade it even if it didn't work out and I was seriously bummed out for months after.

These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume. The sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness,
And in the taste confounds the appetite.
Therefore love moderately: Long love doth so.
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.

Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 6

Boy, wouldn’t that be a shame if that were the case? I sure do meet a flaky women then, don’t I? I have a hard time meeting the right one, but no trouble meeting all the wrong ones.

My thought process was, I hadn’t had sex since 2016, I hadn’t had oral sex since 2017, and the same woman offered to give me both, so that helped influence my decision. So, I accepted and I don’t want to say became attached, but felt bonded and connected to her in part because of that.

That Shakespeare quote is a good one.

 

[Au Naturel]

Interesting that you don't think of oral sex as sex.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

I mean, I guess it is.

 

[Vanden Plastic]

I too would trade almost all of it (save for my family, friends, and pets) to be with the right one as well. It is *that* important to me, and has been for my whole life.

So, I do have enough experience to have a reasonable grasp on how relationships usually work, yet I also have enough experience to be able to say that there are no concrete rules on how relationships work... so many variables when it comes to two (or depending on how you roll, more than two) humans are doing things in the quest to occupy the same space at the same time.

Some observations: I've usually had poor luck when I've made myself "too available". Turning yourself over to someone and essentially handing them the keys to your heart inevitably ends in you getting used up and thrown in the garbage. It's like you have to meter out your kindness, and not be quite as forthcoming with thoughtful gestures and gifts... make the person work a little bit before you do something nice. I grew up with parents who did little to show me what a healthy relationship was, so I had to study other couples and take notes as I was growing up. I remember women often lamenting that their boyfriend or husband wasn't as emotionally available as they'd like, but found that when I did get in tune with how the women I've been with were feeling, they'd write me off as being too soft. Pretending to be a bit obtuse like male stereotypes suggest seems to work better. And though it's out of character for me, occasionally ditching out or standing someone up, then coming up with a lame excuse, has never gotten me dumped; it usually makes them try a little bit harder? It's so unnatural for me to put on an act to obfuscate who I really am, but I've only met one woman in my life who loved and appreciated me with no "adjustments" to my character.

I've had fairly good luck with online dating in the past, but written words don't always accurately sum up what the other person is looking for. You sort of take it as a suggestion of what they're looking for, then try to interpret their real life actions on the fly and make adjustments as you go. I have dated a Mormon girl and a self proclaimed hardcore Christian gal who both clearly stated that they'd block/delete you immediately if you sent pictures of your junk or thought you were going to get lucky premaritally. Both of them broke their stated rules before we even met in person, without me pushing buttons- I let them send the first picture before contributing my own.

I sure wish it was easier. I've never liked playing the games that are almost universal when it comes to love and attraction, even if I have learned how to do so. It's just so weird to pretend you're not really interested in someone when you actually are, flirting with someone else to make the woman you actually like work harder to win you over and feel like she fought and won you. Acting like you're kinda busy and slightly put out because you have make time and spend money on her. I'm glad you found some positives, and overall are considering it worthwhile as a learning experience. I still wish learning didn't come at the cost of having chunks bitten out of our self worth and wellbeing. It doesn't always, but still too often for my liking.

 

[Barymore]

So there are a number of issues that potentially crop up in any relationships as they get started - different goals for the relationship, commitment not meaning the same to people, sex not having the same meaning, different paces for wanting a relationship to develop etc etc. Other people may have issues that have absolutely nothing to do with me but lead to the end of the relationship.
But what I personally have had to learn is, that it is not easy to have a relationship between a neurotypical person and someone on the spectrum. This is just my experience after 4 longer (>1year) relationships with NTs. I "see" things along another dimension (cognitively), it touches that of a neurotypical person but its mostly shifted by a certain degree to theirs. This affects everything and finding a person willing to put the work in and that I am willing to put the work in with to "get" each other has been a long process. (So, to make it clear: my position is not one where there is a soulmate you just have to find but rather multiple potential relationships that you and the other person have to put the work in for)
I suppose I'm addressing the elephant in the room: yes, some of the reasons why our relationships fail is, I feel, because we are neurodivergent people. Its hard making a relationship with an alien work (I am, of course, not the alien in this scenario ;-) I dont expect myself to work to adapt or conform anymore than anyone at all has to, to function in our collective society, but it can make it more difficult than it already is to find a partner.
My advice? Let it go and keep looking, take on board feedback that more than one partner tells you (doesnt have to be verbal, can be repeated patterns of behavour), work on those and keep your hopes up.
We are different. But even I have been married now for 8 years

Also: sorry about the weird commas, my brain is stuck between german and english sentence structure at the moment.

 

[Tom]

Relationships frequently don't work out. One or the other decides it's not what they want and really once you know that, a fast break is probably better (and kinder) in the long run. Both parties absolutely have the right to do this.

Sometimes what I have seen happen with the person that didn't want to break up is a resentment develop towards the other. One aspect (that I think I see here) is converting nice things that the other said or did into proof of purposefull misleading or being used, tricked, etc.

I do sympathize and can relate to the disappointment of not having a good relationship. All I can say is do not give up and you may yet find the right person. If it is of any consolation, statistically people on the spectrum find long term relationshios (like marriage) significantly later then neurotypicals.

One suggestion is to look into intimacy dysfunction. I think you could start with online search of sound medical or perhaps pyschological sources. Its not rare by any means and I think there are likely things you can do to address the issue.

 

[BewilderedPerson]

@Vanden Plastic

I’d there an age limit to this? Do women grow out of this where I don’t have to pretend in uninterested or flirt with someone else instead who I’m actually interested with?

I mean, if I’m spending time and doing intimate things with a woman, I think my interest is implied.

I mean, she threw herself right at me and I responded accordingly.

I am not one to pretend to be something I’m not. I’ve always said I don’t view dating as a game because dating is not a game. It’s real people with real emotions - not just me, but the other person’s emotions matter to me, too.

@Barymore

The problem is is that everybody is different, except spectrum or not, I rarely get what I want and usually get hurt.

Then when I ask women what I did wrong, as I blame myself, they tell me I did nothing wrong.

@Tom

Resentment isn’t the right word, just hurt. Just because she had the right to do me like she did doesn’t mean she made the correct decision.

I’m not giving up, but am taking a break. I feel mostly good, even if feeling the sting.

 

[Hypnalis]

@BewilderedPerson

There's nothing intrinsically bad (at least according to 21st century morality) in a purely tactical physical relationship, but it's important to recognize them for what they are.

This was never going to be an LTR. Given your objectives, you dodged a bullet.

Let it go

 

[BewilderedPerson]

@BewilderedPerson

There's nothing intrinsically bad (at least according to 21st century morality) in a purely tactical physical relationship, but it's important to recognize them for what they are.

This was never going to be an LTR. Given your objectives, you dodged a bullet.

Let it go

I mean, I’m moving on, just that it stung, still does sting at times.