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I would trade it all

I let it be known to her I craved intimacy and affection. I’m not one to push for or pressure a woman into sex, don’t really ask for it or discuss it too much.

In fact, she was the one discussing sex a lot more than me and brought up sex the last time I saw her and that we would have sex for the second time this past Sunday, only for her to do what she did.

If I have sex with someone, I have no plans leaving, certainly not so quickly. Something drastic would have to happen to get me to leave.
 
I’m bumping this for the fact that I still miss this one and something triggered me Monday that was causing me to have a mental health crisis and pining for her this week, but she did me dirty. She used me for sex and cut off someone who would’ve been loyal to her and would’ve continued to give her the sex and affection she craved.

She might make more money in her job than I do, but she does not have better character than I do. When I collapsed at work yesterday, and the outpour of texts and love and support I received yesterday showed me how much many care about me and how loved I am in other ways.

And one day, I will be loved and cared for by a woman as well.
 
She did me dirty. She used me for sex and cut off someone who would’ve been loyal to her and would’ve continued to give her the sex and affection she craved.

She might make more money in her job than I do, but she does not have better character than I do.

With respect to the emotional pain you’re in, and acknowledging that you may have been led on unfairly and without just cause: this vent is going a little far, to the point of making a lot of cruel assumptions and judgements about this woman, who truthfully, you don’t really know from a can of paint and aren’t attached to except inside your head.

I’m saying this to help guide and give you a different perspective, out of tough love—there’s a few sides to every story, not just yours. Consider she could be going through something right now, or could have been before you met her. Perhaps your relationship triggered unpleasant and difficult-to-handle associations for her. Maybe she’s still learning about herself, what she wants and needs and can offer, and along the way she made a misjudgement about that in regards to you. Anything could be going on that you aren’t privy to.

Could this be a case of inflated and disappointed expectations on your end, as well? Or mismatch and miscommunication of desires? It’s up to each party to communicate what they really seek, and you’re right that she wasn’t clear enough, so you became confused and were let down. However, you too had a responsibility to express earlier on to her what you actually wanted, so she had a chance to decline and move on if it was too much or untimely for her—did you make it crystal clear off the bat? Because sleeping with someone or spending some time with them doesn’t make you undying forever soulmates with them, doesn’t mean you’re bonded and legally bound, doesn’t mean they owe you anything or vice versa. Women have learned that men usually love to invoke and exploit this boundary, actually—perhaps she assumed *you* were only looking to surf and turf?

What’s more, ‘loyalty’ is relative and subject to context. Many a ‘loyal’ lover, guardian, guard, soldier, cop, patron, courtier or samurai has done horrible, inhumane and evil things in the name of devotion, standing by their man, keeping their word etc. Loyalty is not is some kind of holy virtue that makes others indebted to you no matter the circumstances. It’s important to be faithful to someone for the right reasons in the right ways, not simply blindly or slavishly committing to them.

Can recommend you to buy or adopt a puppy of a sociable breed, with no-one else in the world to love her, then spoil her rotten if that’s the kind of relationship you crave. My Labrador is so physically needy and affectionate with people, and he’d probably follow me over a cliff (granted, he’s pretty stupid as well as lovely, but). Because I have him in my life, I don’t often feel lonely or totally unloved, and I felt the same with my previous dog. Adult humans with our big complicated brains and adaptational instincts and thirst for the novel or the better in life aren’t usually capable of this sort of love.
 
I’m bumping this for the fact that I still miss this one and something triggered me Monday that was causing me to have a mental health crisis and pining for her this week, but she did me dirty. She used me for sex and cut off someone who would’ve been loyal to her and would’ve continued to give her the sex and affection she craved.

She might make more money in her job than I do, but she does not have better character than I do. When I collapsed at work yesterday, and the outpour of texts and love and support I received yesterday showed me how much many care about me and how loved I am in other ways.

And one day, I will be loved and cared for by a woman as well.
Dam it's rough out there! I'm still living under my rock lol it's safer here. I hope you meet someone serious some day
 
With respect to the emotional pain you’re in, and acknowledging that you may have been led on unfairly and without just cause: this vent is going a little far, to the point of making a lot of cruel assumptions and judgements about this woman, who truthfully, you don’t really know from a can of paint and aren’t attached to except inside your head.

I’m saying this to help guide and give you a different perspective, out of tough love—there’s a few sides to every story, not just yours. Consider she could be going through something right now, or could have been before you met her. Perhaps your relationship triggered unpleasant and difficult-to-handle associations for her. Maybe she’s still learning about herself, what she wants and needs and can offer, and along the way she made a misjudgement about that in regards to you. Anything could be going on that you aren’t privy to.

Could this be a case of inflated and disappointed expectations on your end, as well? Or mismatch and miscommunication of desires? It’s up to each party to communicate what they really seek, and you’re right that she wasn’t clear enough, so you became confused and were let down. However, you too had a responsibility to express earlier on to her what you actually wanted, so she had a chance to decline and move on if it was too much or untimely for her—did you make it crystal clear off the bat? Because sleeping with someone or spending some time with them doesn’t make you undying forever soulmates with them, doesn’t mean you’re bonded and legally bound, doesn’t mean they owe you anything or vice versa. Women have learned that men usually love to invoke and exploit this boundary, actually—perhaps she assumed *you* were only looking to surf and turf?

What’s more, ‘loyalty’ is relative and subject to context. Many a ‘loyal’ lover, guardian, guard, soldier, cop, patron, courtier or samurai has done horrible, inhumane and evil things in the name of devotion, standing by their man, keeping their word etc. Loyalty is not is some kind of holy virtue that makes others indebted to you no matter the circumstances. It’s important to be faithful to someone for the right reasons in the right ways, not simply blindly or slavishly committing to them.

Can recommend you to buy or adopt a puppy of a sociable breed, with no-one else in the world to love her, then spoil her rotten if that’s the kind of relationship you crave. My Labrador is so physically needy and affectionate with people, and he’d probably follow me over a cliff (granted, he’s pretty stupid as well as lovely, but). Because I have him in my life, I don’t often feel lonely or totally unloved, and I felt the same with my previous dog. Adult humans with our big complicated brains and adaptational instincts and thirst for the novel or the better in life aren’t usually capable of this sort of love.
With respect to the emotional pain you’re in, and acknowledging that you may have been led on unfairly and without just cause: this vent is going a little far, to the point of making a lot of cruel assumptions and judgements about this woman, who truthfully, you don’t really know from a can of paint and aren’t attached to except inside your head.

I’m saying this to help guide and give you a different perspective, out of tough love—there’s a few sides to every story, not just yours. Consider she could be going through something right now, or could have been before you met her. Perhaps your relationship triggered unpleasant and difficult-to-handle associations for her. Maybe she’s still learning about herself, what she wants and needs and can offer, and along the way she made a misjudgement about that in regards to you. Anything could be going on that you aren’t privy to.

Could this be a case of inflated and disappointed expectations on your end, as well? Or mismatch and miscommunication of desires? It’s up to each party to communicate what they really seek, and you’re right that she wasn’t clear enough, so you became confused and were let down. However, you too had a responsibility to express earlier on to her what you actually wanted, so she had a chance to decline and move on if it was too much or untimely for her—did you make it crystal clear off the bat? Because sleeping with someone or spending some time with them doesn’t make you undying forever soulmates with them, doesn’t mean you’re bonded and legally bound, doesn’t mean they owe you anything or vice versa. Women have learned that men usually love to invoke and exploit this boundary, actually—perhaps she assumed *you* were only looking to surf and turf?

What’s more, ‘loyalty’ is relative and subject to context. Many a ‘loyal’ lover, guardian, guard, soldier, cop, patron, courtier or samurai has done horrible, inhumane and evil things in the name of devotion, standing by their man, keeping their word etc. Loyalty is not is some kind of holy virtue that makes others indebted to you no matter the circumstances. It’s important to be faithful to someone for the right reasons in the right ways, not simply blindly or slavishly committing to them.

Can recommend you to buy or adopt a puppy of a sociable breed, with no-one else in the world to love her, then spoil her rotten if that’s the kind of relationship you crave. My Labrador is so physically needy and affectionate with people, and he’d probably follow me over a cliff (granted, he’s pretty stupid as well as lovely, but). Because I have him in my life, I don’t often feel lonely or totally unloved, and I felt the same with my previous dog. Adult humans with our big complicated brains and adaptational instincts and thirst for the novel or the better in life aren’t usually capable of this sort of love.
It just really doesn’t sit well with me how she wanted me to ask her out for dinner, then I did, then she asked to move up the date when she found out I was free the next night, and we’d talked and texted constantly until we met and that she was the initiator in sex.

Having sex with someone, especially on a first date, might mean nothing to others, but it means something to me. I let her know I’m looking for my person.

My loyalty is not unlimited. I’m not going to stick by a partner when cheats or who commits a felony, but I could work through other stuff.

The problem with adopting a dog is maybe I could put forth effort and responsibility as I would a woman, but dog affection is not human affection. The latter of which I need.
 
The number of dates and whether there was intimacy or not does not create 'obligation'.

This person did not wish to continue dating you and they were polite about the breakup. That is all that actually happened.

All this 'doing you wrong' and 'playing you' is complete nonsense.
 
The number of dates and whether there was intimacy or not does not create 'obligation'.

This person did not wish to continue dating you and they were polite about the breakup. That is all that actually happened.

All this 'doing you wrong' and 'playing you' is complete nonsense.
Nobody said anything about obligation, just that it hurt to be on the receiving end of that and that I know I wouldn’t get that intimate, that fast with someone, discuss plans of future intimacy as recently as the last time I saw them, then broke it off before I saw them again.
 
I let it be known to her I craved intimacy and affection. I’m not one to push for or pressure a woman into sex, don’t really ask for it or discuss it too much.

In fact, she was the one discussing sex a lot more than me and brought up sex the last time I saw her and that we would have sex for the second time this past Sunday, only for her to do what she did.

If I have sex with someone, I have no plans leaving, certainly not so quickly. Something drastic would have to happen to get me to leave.
Nobody said anything about obligation, just that it hurt to be on the receiving end of that and that I know I wouldn’t get that intimate, that fast with someone, discuss plans of future intimacy as recently as the last time I saw them, then broke it off before I saw them again.

Ok, I think I'm seeing the sticking point here.

It's important to understand that women are the more selective of the sexes, because we have more to risk by engaging in sexual contact or engagement. Physically, emotionally, psychologically, sex is a far greater gamble for us, and so every time we enter into a sexual relationship we must be constantly scanning for risk, threat, change and consequences. If men had to live one day or week in our shoes, I belive they'd be surprised at the fatigue from all the constant reevaluating and alertness that daily life survival requires.

What's more, we having ticking biological clocks that only get louder with time. There is no mental 'set and forget' for us, not even for promiscuous women (who tend to be traumatised or gr00med out of considering the ramifications).

It's why there's a million-and-one old jokes about how changeable female minds are, how our prerogatives alter from day to day, how no-one can ever predict what we really want or what we'll do or decide. It's not an age-old meme for nothing. We have to make snap decisions or pull back sometimes, to prevent something injurious to ourselves occurring.

This is where the empathy gap seems to be coming in to play with this angst you're feeling, i.e. you're assessing her actions with your brain and heart and body (all male), and so you're coming up short for reasons why she did what she did, because you wouldn't have done it. Why would two such different humans make the same call?

So she could well have broken things off between you because she either didn't feel safe, fulfilled, or like her limited time could be spent wisely in this connection. Your choices at this juncture are either to ask politely (once and once only) for a reason, and/or accept the reality and keep it pushing.
 
Ok, I think I'm seeing the sticking point here.

It's important to understand that women are the more selective of the sexes, because we have more to risk by engaging in sexual contact or engagement. Physically, emotionally, psychologically, sex is a far greater gamble for us, and so every time we enter into a sexual relationship we must be constantly scanning for risk, threat, change and consequences. If men had to live one day or week in our shoes, I belive they'd be surprised at the fatigue from all the constant reevaluating and alertness that daily life survival requires.

What's more, we having ticking biological clocks that only get louder with time. There is no mental 'set and forget' for us, not even for promiscuous women (who tend to be traumatised or gr00med out of considering the ramifications).

It's why there's a million-and-one old jokes about how changeable female minds are, how our prerogatives alter from day to day, how no-one can ever predict what we really want or what we'll do or decide. It's not an age-old meme for nothing. We have to make snap decisions or pull back sometimes, to prevent something injurious to ourselves occurring.

This is where the empathy gap seems to be coming in to play with this angst you're feeling, i.e. you're assessing her actions with your brain and heart and body (all male), and so you're coming up short for reasons why she did what she did, because you wouldn't have done it. Why would two such different humans make the same call?

So she could well have broken things off between you because she either didn't feel safe, fulfilled, or like her limited time could be spent wisely in this connection. Your choices at this juncture are either to ask politely (once and once only) for a reason, and/or accept the reality and keep it pushing.
Considering how she called me a really nice and well intentioned guy, I doubt that means I was unsafe.

I saw sex as a gamble for me, too, especially since I’m not going to ask for sex on a first date and am in no rush to get to sex. If it happens, it happens, and it happened, and it meant something to me.

Between the two of us, I was the timid one as we were about to have sex.

Yep, she’s 36, and time is not on her side. Meanwhile, as a man, I have my entire life.

I feel like she inferred to sex on our pre-meeting text conversation, asking how far I’m looking to go on a first date. Sure enough - first date, sex. Second date, talk of future intercourse with me and performing oral sex on me. Third date, more talk of future intercourse, agreeing to have it with me with a date we set.

All three dates, we make out at least once and she’s sexually touching me during these make outs.

Then something happened or changed. She insisted I did nothing wrong and I was myself. But I’m sick of doing nothing wrong, maybe even doing some things right, and yet my successes with women being brief and few and far between.

Is there empathy for my plight and my struggles? Loneliness can kill.

I guess I’m just trying to put myself out there again to other women, though there are still feelings for this one, something I might tell her if I ever texted her months down the road or happened to run into her in public somewhere.

Bur she isn’t my top priority or even a priority right now, despite the fact that I’ve had a psychological relapse over her this week. Sure, I’d been thinking of her and missing her from time-to-time, but this week has been pretty bad for some reason.
 
I'd be tempted to respond to these kind of advances with "ok, but are you willing to marry on the first date?" just to watch their reaction.
 
I'd be tempted to respond to these kind of advances with "ok, but are you willing to marry on the first date?" just to watch their reaction.
I once made it official with my first girlfriend on our first date.

Funny, before I met this last one, she specified what type of engagement ring she wanted.
 
Is there empathy for my plight and my struggles? Loneliness can kill.
Sometimes, empathy comes in the form of people trying to help you see where changing your patterns could lead to less loneliness.

You are hearing that “you’ve done nothing wrong,” but also things are not going well for you. It sounds like people are telling you that you’re not a bad guy, but also, that your approach to relationships could be a part of the problem of feeling badly about recent romantic encounters.

There is a chance that your expectations in the early stages of romantic connection are too high and those expectations are affecting your thoughts about the women you have encountered and your feelings about yourself.
 
Sometimes, empathy comes in the form of people trying to help you see where changing your patterns could lead to less loneliness.

You are hearing that “you’ve done nothing wrong,” but also things are not going well for you. It sounds like people are telling you that you’re not a bad guy, but also, that your approach to relationships could be a part of the problem of feeling badly about recent romantic encounters.

There is a chance that your expectations in the early stages of romantic connection are too high and those expectations are affecting your thoughts about the women you have encountered and your feelings about yourself.
I told myself I wasn’t going to let her affect me the way the one who broke my heart in March did, I really wanted to go with the flow with this last one.

But when there was total fireworks on the first date, more sexual stuff on the second date and kissing and spending all day together on the third date, much of which she initiated, it messed me up.

I had intercourse on the first date and was given oral sex on the second date, both of which were her ideas. What was I supposed to think?
 
I wouldn't say sex on a first date is wrong, but it doesn't necessarily indicate seriousness. It can, in fact, indicate the opposite. Most people will want to get to know you better. Getting married on the first date wouldn't be a show of seriousness, for example.

I have had sexual activity pretty early and also taken it much slower with other people. The first involved a lot of lust, but not much in real relationship skills. There was great passion, but little depth, and it petered out fairly quickly. The second approach has given much more satisfaction and all the things we can enjoy in relationships. It taught me what true passion really is.
 
I wouldn't say sex on a first date is wrong, but it doesn't necessarily indicate seriousness. It can, in fact, indicate the opposite. Most people will want to get to know you better. Getting married on the first date wouldn't be a show of seriousness, for example.

I have had sexual activity pretty early and also taken it much slower with other people. The first involved a lot of lust, but not much in real relationship skills. There was great passion, but little depth, and it petered out fairly quickly. The second approach has given much more satisfaction and all the things we can enjoy in relationships. It taught me what true passion really is.
So, does this mean the more intimate you are with someone early on, the less serious it actually is? I just want to make sure I get that right. I know I would take sex on the first date to mean interest. Then again, maybe it was because it was just my second time ever and I valued something like that.

I have zero problem taking things slowly when it comes to sex. Maybe it’s because I’m not used to having sex, let alone so early, that it clouded my thoughts and judgment.

Maybe I’m the one who’s wrong. I’m not asking for sex on a first date no matter how well it’s going, and if I ask a woman for sex, I’m looking to keep her around - certainly for the near future.
 
So, does this mean the more intimate you are with someone early on, the less serious it actually is? I just want to make sure I get that right. I know I would take sex on the first date to mean interest. Then again, maybe it was because it was just my second time ever and I valued something like that.

I think it means they're interested in sex on a first date, but not necessarily more than that. It could be for fun or validation, as opposed to genuine interest in the other person.
 
I think it means they're interested in sex on a first date, but not necessarily more than that. It could be for fun or validation, as opposed to genuine interest in the other person.
The fact that she hinted at having sex in the future multiple times after the fact until she broke it off made me wonder about interest beyond just sex.

I could see a person for weeks, even months, before I bring up sex with them, if ever. My romances usually don’t last that long, but I know if I’m going to have sex with a person, it’s also with someone I’m interested in, not just have attraction to.
 

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