• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

I would trade it all

Hypnalis said:
You're attracted to chaos, and poorly equipped to deal with it.


You should not have been surprised when she ghosted you. She told you want she wanted from you.
Click to expand...
I wish I wasn’t. I wish I never met this person or that I could take some pill forgetting she ever existed.

I said on here I was disappointed, but not surprised.

I wish it wasn’t that hard. This new person treats me better than she ever did. I think she’s better for me, cares about me more and I like her better as a person.

It’s just that this other one is firmly planted into my mind, the image of her, images and moments of us, stamped into my brain.

It could take a very long time to get completely over her. I just recently got completely over someone from college who rejected me 10 years ago and I was so madly in love with. It took about 10 years to get completely over her, even as I dated and saw other women.
 
Liking the chaos is bad for you. So is the memory of love. There might even be a connection between those two weaknesses.

Love isn't some random thing. It can only be explained as an evolved mechanism.
And it certainly (100%) did not evolve to satisfy the wants (because they are not needs) of "chaos addicts".

It seems to be quite destructive overall, but one immediately relevant aspect: it hijacks the natural process of getting to know a potential "pair-bond partner".

Instead you're locked into a "moth to flame" compulsion to skip to the endpoint of the process in a single step.
 
Last edited:
Hypnalis said:
Love isn't some random thing. It can only be explained as an evolved mechanism.
And it certainly (100%) did not evolve to satisfy the wants (because they are not needs) of "chaos addicts".

It seems to be quite destructive overall, but one immediately relevant aspect: it hijacks the natural process of getting to know a potential "pair-bond partner".

Instead you're locked into a "moth to flame" compulsion to skip to the endpoint of the process in a single step.
Click to expand...
I’m willing to take it slow with this new person, who told me she’s clingy, and I’m also doing my best not to cling to her.

I don’t want to miss the excitement of this other one, but I do.

Now I see just how hard dating is.

Maybe in hindsight, the women who passed up on me for someone else, maybe I could’ve treated them better, maybe I could’ve even been better for them and more caring, but maybe I didn’t excite them as much.

Now I see just how much emotion and attraction are pitted against logic in the dating arena. And this new person I’m starting to see, I am attracted to enough, but I can think of someone else who I saw in April who excited me more.

I feel terrible for thinking and feeling this way, but I guess I’m hardly the first person who has thought and felt this way.

I need to sort things out with my therapist, because this other one I saw just yesterday for the first time since our last date. I didn’t seek her out, complete happenstance that I saw her in public.

She didn’t see me, but me seeing her traumatized me, and missing her and longing for her has taken a toll on my mental health, that I’ve told myself how I wish I could reconcile and would do anything to have her back.

But I also feel like I could be building something with someone new whose companionship and company I enjoy. It’s nothing too much too soon, just some hand holding and some kisses goodbye at the end of our dates.

It’s one of those deals of an angel being on one shoulder of mine and a devil being on the other shoulder, even though I’m an atheist.
 
"people can make of me what they will as far as my character and who I am."

Absolutely, it happens a lot especially when it comes.to gender wars. It's a cognitive shortcut to group people together into stereotypes, saves mental bandwidth for other stuff probably. We all do it but its annoying when it happens to you 😂
 
Last edited:
Initial romantic feelings are an incredibly bad predictor of a lasting, nourishing relationship. 50% divorce rate probably has a lot to do with people judging potential partners on that hormonal deception. We all know she is no good for you but you're still pining for her!

Its exciting like you say, it's glamourised and we're suckers for novelty. A good relationship is a compromise in the end, attraction and compatibility.

With the other woman, if it was going to happen it would have. No what ifs. Let go and focus on the woman with integrity!
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom