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If There Was One Thing About Being An Aspie That You Wished NT's Would Understand, What Would It Be?

G

Grumpy Cat

Well-Known Member
Normally I would open this thread by saying "Me first", but since I'm an NT I can't. I am, however, very interested in learning (from those of you who are Aspies) just what you consider would be really important for all NT's to know about Aspergers.
 
That I am who I am. :D

Obviously I will work to manage my meltdowns, because I won't use asperger's as an excuse for meltdowns, but as for the odd things I do, such as pacing around, flapping my hands about and humming, for those I can be excused. ;)
 
"Despite being on the spectrum, there are no 2 aspies alike. We're just as unique as any NT and stereotypes don't necessarily hold true"

I think that's the main thing I would like people to understand.
 
I'm worth the effort. I may appear awkward or unfriendly, I may even come across as rude sometimes, but I don't mean to be. If you can get past that and get to know me, I am a kind and caring person who really is worth the effort.
 
brittany1143 said:
I wish they would understand that I'm not making it up. Even with a doctors diagnosis nts still think I'm faking things
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This is a very true statement, I'm sorry to say. I have only two friends and both of my friends just don't understand how some if the things I tell them about AS could be true. I've sent one of my friends web articles about some of the symptoms Aspies have and she won't even take the time to read it. I don't know what else I can do about that. I guess each NT would have to actually have an Aspie in there life that they care enough about to want to learn more about that person. I've met a lot of good people on this site (including my Aspie friend that I text) that make me want to learn more about AS. One of my friends can't wrap her head around how a person cannot be social and talk everyday (of course, she likes to talk a lot). I don't think NTs will ever get that really because its so opposite to what we do. I've read on a lot of threads how Aspies think NTs' "small talk" makes no sense, but it feels weird if we don't do it. "Small talk" is how we keep our friendships going (especially NT women).
 
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nurseangela said:
This is a very true statement, I'm sorry to say. I have only two friends and both of my friends just don't understand how some if the things I tell them about AS could be true. I've sent one of my friends web articles about some if the symptoms Aspies have and she won't even take the time to read it. I don't know what else I can do about that. I guess each NT would have to actually have an Aspie in there life that they care enough about to want to learn more about that person. I've met a lot of good people on this site (including my Aspie friend that I text) that make me want to learn more about AS. One of my friends can't wrap her head around how a person cannot be social and talk everyday (of course, she likes to talk a lot). I don't think NTs will ever get that really because its so opposite to what we do. I've read on a lot of threads how Aspies think NTs' "small talk" makes no sense, but it feels weird if we don't do it. "Small talk" is how we keep our friendships going (especially NT women).
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I don't have anything against small talk; I just don't know how to engage in it. As a result, I end up standing by myself at parties, since I lack that tool which would enable me to insert myself into some of the little social groups at such things. (not that I normally go to or get invited to parties).
 
Ste11aeres said:
I don't have anything against small talk; I just don't know how to engage in it. As a result, I end up standing by myself at parties, since I lack that tool which would enable me to insert myself into some of the little social groups at such things. (not that I normally go to or get invited to parties).
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Compliments go over big in the NT world. I always start a conversation at a party by saying something nice about the person I'm talking to - I really like their dress or their hairstyle (women love that stuff). Then if the woman is an NT, of course, she'll pick right up on that comment and run with it probably talking for hours - the more you nod and say "uh huh" the more they will talk. Women will also always talk about their kids too (unless they're like me and don't have any).
 
nurseangela said:
Compliments go over big in the NT world. I always start a conversation at a party by saying something nice about the person I'm talking to - I really like their dress or their hairstyle (women love that stuff). Then if the woman is an NT, of course, she'll pick right up on that comment and run with it probably talking for hours - the more you nod and say "uh huh" the more they will talk. Women will also always talk about their kids too (unless they're like me and don't have any).
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This is true! I am an Aspie and have learnt that if I do need to make small talk (specifically in the corporate environment) starting off by complimenting the other person works wonders.. It too often means they they'll do a lot of the talking from there on! (E.g "that last Project you delivered was inspiring" is then followed by them talking about said Project for the next 45 minutes) ;)
 
If there was one thing that I could make NT's understand it would be that my tone of voice and facial expression don't always appear to reflect my hearts intention... =( <truly sad
 
Why does lying seem so easy for NT's?? I'm so frustrated. Isn't it easier to just say the truth? Or, do we really live in a world where people go on and on living fake lives so they don't offend anyone. Do I only have to be myself in my closet. I feel like I have to walk around with a rat trap on my hand so that I'm reminded not to "say the wrong thing" or hurt someone's feeling or speak my opinion...on and on. So I should just read a book during family gatherings right? Oh wait, no, that would be rude..... yeah, frustrated!
 
nurseangela said:
Compliments go over big in the NT world. I always start a conversation at a party by saying something nice about the person I'm talking to - I really like their dress or their hairstyle (women love that stuff). Then if the woman is an NT, of course, she'll pick right up on that comment and run with it probably talking for hours - the more you nod and say "uh huh" the more they will talk. Women will also always talk about their kids too (unless they're like me and don't have any).
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True. The good news is that it's a successful method of emulating NT behavior. The bad news is that when I do it so deliberately, I also know how disingenuous it is as well. Just another dynamic of why interacting with NTs on their terms can be mentally exhausting. I just want to successfully communicate with people. Not play "mind games".
 
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Judge said:
True. The good news is that it's a successful method of emulating NT behavior. The bad news is that when I do it so deliberately, I also know how disingenuous it is as well. Just another dynamic of why interacting with NTs on their terms can be mentally exhausting. I just want to successfully communicate with people. Not play "mind games".
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I don't think complimenting someone is just for NT's. Don't Aspies like when someone compliments them? I think compliments are something that everyone likes to hear every once in a while. I happen to use complimenting someone as an "opening" to start communication. How do Aspies start a conversation with someone?

I must say this, too, reading books and trying to figure out the best way to communicate with my Aspie friend can sometimes take a lot of energy out of me, as well, but I keep doing it because I believe they are worth it. Communication goes both ways. A good NT that has a friendship/relationship with an Aspie and values that relationship will want to figure out the best way to interact with their Aspie, but their Aspie should also be interested in how they (NT) tick. And I know for me that compliments make me HAPPY! :) (As long as they're genuine, that is.)
 
Lillian said:
If there was one thing that I could make NT's understand it would be that my tone of voice and facial expression don't always appear to reflect my hearts intention... =( <truly sad
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Unfortunately, facial expressions and tone of voice are the main ways of knowing (in the NT world) of how a person is feeling at that time. The Aspie book I read says to check in with your Aspie or have them tell you at certain times how they are feeling since their facial expressions hardly ever portray how they are really feeling. This all goes back again to having good communication between an Aspie and NT. The book also says it can help an Aspie to have a facial picture book of their NT so they can have a good idea of how their NT or any NT is feeling at a certain time without having to ask that person. Just a couple of ideas I picked up that might help.
 
nurseangela said:
I don't think complimenting someone is just for NT's. Don't Aspies like when someone compliments them?
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I'm just seeing a compliment as possibly one of two things. Sincere or insincere flattery.

I think it ultimately depends on the intent of a compliment. If they are for other reasons, that strikes me as an NT behavior.
 
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Lillian said:
Why does lying seem so easy for NT's?? I'm so frustrated. Isn't it easier to just say the truth? Or, do we really live in a world where people go on and on living fake lives so they don't offend anyone. Do I only have to be myself in my closet. I feel like I have to walk around with a rat trap on my hand so that I'm reminded not to "say the wrong thing" or hurt someone's feeling or speak my opinion...on and on. So I should just read a book during family gatherings right? Oh wait, no, that would be rude..... yeah, frustrated!
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Actually, I'm pretty much Miss Etiquette and I've read a book at a family gathering before....oops. I almost always try to tell the truth, unless the truth might hurt the other person's feelings - this other person is always just a stranger to me or someone that I am not close to. I have found myself having to lie to patients, usually regarding a test that is bad and the doctor should be breaking the news to them or about their health situation in general (I'm trying to lift their spirits and not dwell on the negatives). I never lie to my friends or family members. The few times that I do tell these "little white lies" my facial expressions always give me away (to people that know me, that is). I do speak my mind if a group of people are talking about something that I feel strongly about - I'm great at debate, but I try to keep it non-personal so it doesn't look like I'm attacking someone for what they believe in. Some NT's do have a habit of lying and are quite good at it, but once I find that a person is lying I steer clear of them. If I catch a close friend lying about something that concerns me, that's a deal breaker and the friendship usually comes to an end because trust is gone.
 
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