If There Was One Thing About Being An Aspie That You Wished NT's Would Understand, What Would It Be?

[inabox]

By the way I like the grumpy cat picture

 

[Mia]

That's its not a disease.

 

[TSS]

That's its not a disease.

I agree 100%. I wish people will give more understanding with people with ASD. Put themselves in our shoes.

 

[Angel123]

Why does lying seem so easy for NT's?? I'm so frustrated. Isn't it easier to just say the truth? Or, do we really live in a world where people go on and on living fake lives so they don't offend anyone. Do I only have to be myself in my closet. I feel like I have to walk around with a rat trap on my hand so that I'm reminded not to "say the wrong thing" or hurt someone's feeling or speak my opinion...on and on. So I should just read a book during family gatherings right? Oh wait, no, that would be rude..... yeah, frustrated!

I am perpetually confused about this one. My aspie bf (I'm NT) is so amazingly honest and I love him for it, but at the same time he can be "too honest" sometimes. I wonder if any aspies can explain to me what they consider lying to be? From my conversations with my bf it seems to be that the NT ability to 'soften' the truth, or not stating your opinion completely honestly but instead 'sugar-coating' it is considered lying. I would really like to understand this better

 

[Maelstrom]

Sigh! I wish they understood that we can't just magically switch these autistic things and interests on and off at will. My brother who just moved back closer to us forbid me to speak on my interest anymore. He is my only brother who was likely to maintain a strong family connection with me after my parents are gone. It means at the end of the day, I will have no one left soon, it is unlikely I will be able to please him even if I try.

 

[zurb]

I wonder if any aspies can explain to me what they consider lying to be?... I would really like to understand this better

It's pretty simple really! If its not the truth it's a lie.
Withholding info or deliberately misleading isn't technically a lie, but may be considered as such (or considered just as bad).

 

[Angel123]

It's pretty simple really! If its not the truth it's a lie.
Withholding info or deliberately misleading isn't technically a lie, but may be considered as such (or considered just as bad).

But what if the blunt, honest truth, although truthful and most often useful, will really hurt the other person's feelings? Like if they are feeling really sad/upset about something? I feel the whole point of NTs 'sugar coating' things is to soften the blow in these kind of situations - then of course there are the bald-faced liars whom I do not condone at all!

 

[zurb]

But what if the blunt, honest truth, although truthful and most often useful, will really hurt the other person's feelings? Like if they are feeling really sad/upset about something?

Are you asking if this would change the truefulness of the lie? You asked for a definition of a lie. A lie is not telling the truth. A lie is a lie. There are no black lies, grey lies, white lies.

Something may be the truth, but sometimes there is a time to not vocalise it. But if you force the issue, you are going to get it.

 

[Angel123]

Are you asking if this would change the truefulness of the lie? You asked for a definition of a lie. A lie is not telling the truth. A lie is a lie. There are no black lies, grey lies, white lies.

Something may be the truth, but sometimes there is a time to not vocalise it. But if you force the issue, you are going to get it.

I was actually getting at the concept of black/white/gray lies, because that is what 'sugar coating' in the NT world is all about. To me, doing that seems normal being an NT, I suppose because most other NTs can recognise those kinds of lies as 'helpful'.

What you said about considering a lie as a lie regardless, but thinking about whether it is better to just not say the truth it at a particular time, struck a cord with me. Us NTs do this too, but not very often. When I think about this system of relating, it is so much more straightforward than the wishy-washing thing we do.

I think I now understand how lies and telling the truth work from the aspie viewpoint a bit better. It seems to just be a clearer, more cut n dried version of relating - now I understand this I don't think I'm going to feel so put off when I encounter this. Thank you!

 

[DC1346]

Unless it's slapstick, I really have a problem with the NT's sense of humor. I am already operating at a social disadvantage because I have problems with facial recognition and understanding someone's unspoken intent. When you add dry humor into this mix, I am completely frustrated particularly when I find myself being laughed at because I was responding to an NT's "joke" as though it was an actual factual statement.

I do not appreciate NTs laughing at my reaction to their sense of humor. It feels rather cruel ... particularly when I lack the ability to understand why they were amused in the first place.

 

[grapesicles]

(Oh hey, first post in ages! And hi new people who I've never met before!)

I enjoyed reading these! One thing I've been wishing lately that NTs would understand would be that we're not stupid. That may seem like an obvious one but I now rarely tell anyone for fear of being spoken to like I'm an idiot (as people at the job centre seem to do, for example), when that's not the case at all.

 

[clg114]

I have noticed that attitude also, until they need something done that they can not do. Then the attitude changes.

(Oh hey, first post in ages! And hi new people who I've never met before!)

I enjoyed reading these! One thing I've been wishing lately that NTs would understand would be that we're not stupid. That may seem like an obvious one but I now rarely tell anyone for fear of being spoken to like I'm an idiot (as people at the job centre seem to do, for example), when that's not the case at all.

I have noticed that attitude also, until they need something done that they can not do. Then the attitude changes.

 

[Maelstrom]

"clg114, post: 253429, member: 651"]I have noticed that attitude also, until they need something done that they can not do. Then the attitude changes.


I have noticed that attitude also, until they need something done that they can not do. Then the attitude changes.

I agree with you clg114 , totally, when they need something or want to ride my social coat tails for the moment, all of a sudden MAELS THE MAN YEAH! and yesterday they were rolling the eyes Oh! there Mael go's again the auspie village idiot whanbe savant...

They don't do that when they need help or advice Oh! No! Then magically I (Mael), transform like Cinderella into THE ORICAL OF DELPHI...... One NT even let me tell him what profession to go into...I chose for him well, he is now the head sales rep. for a insurance company in my state. He still talks down to me some times but everything he and his family has came from my advice.

 

[Cerulean]

You can't tell me to find a way to cope and then decide you don't like my method. I don't care if my (silent) stimming is annoying to you.

 

[Angel123]

I am wondering, do any aspies wish for people to just encourage them in their special interests. I know a few aspies and the common thing I find is that when I encourage them to engage in their interests with me they look at me and want to know why when everyone else has told tem off for doing this.

 

[BIMOG]

I'm not broken, I don't need fixing, my mind just works differently.