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I'm petrified to even try online dating.

Maybe this isn't an option for you, but for what it's worth...

You could try volunteering in another country. The more you stick out, the better. I have never had much success with women, but in my 20's I spent a summer working in Brazil and never had so much success in my life (not many tall, fair, blue-eyed men there). Women were actually approaching me consistently while I was there... something that never happened before or after.

Consider this...
- in many other cultures, women aren't as focused on the weight/shape of men.
- as an obvious foreigner, you instantly and effortlessly become interesting
- social faux pas and other miscommunications are easily attributed to the language/cultural barrier.
- if things go well, it will hopefully increase your confidence level. I can tell yours is really low. Women avoid low confidence men like the plague.
- when you return, you have also returned with something interesting to talk about and an experience that many women would find quite attractive.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Thanks, but if @Markness tried it and he is better off than I am and got no responses what are my chances.
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And you know this how?

I’m not going to blow smoke, it isn’t easy, but I promise you you can get a date if you have the nerve to put yourself out there. It’s impossible to keep putting yourself out there to so many women and not get any responses.
 
@Tony Ramirez

I get that you have problems with much of the advice you get, but there's an aspect to it that I think you're "blind" to, due to a natural (and, BTW, almost universal) cognitive bias.

I understand that you've been given a lot of trite ("there's someone out there for everyone") or actually bad advice ("just spend a few months turning yourself into an attractive NT and it'll be fine") over the years.

So you have to choose, and you try to select the "best" advice. But that selection can only be made based on experience you don't have, so the net result is essentially random.

The part you don't see is that this means you reject most of the good advice, especially the good advice that's outside your comfort zone.

There is a next step from here, and I can help with some of it. But you're the "Main Character" in this story - you have to take the initiative.
 
Keep in mind that online dating is a numbers game. It will likely take many dates and communications sent before you meet someone special online.

I'm using online dating in addition to going to online and in-person events.
 
Tony, since you said being rejected bothers you, then I would avoid online dating in your shows. Rejection is part of life, but you can see it more instantly online. You have to be okay with rejection. Heck, i get frustrated, but I don't limit myself to online only. I keep myself too busy and being a minority in a smaller pool of people being lgbt, I try to find possible connections with the apps.

For every lgbt person I've heard about how many matches they've had or a few complaining about how they might not have a partner for the first year in their life, I've been years at a time without a partner or date. They probably literally have 1/10 the amount of failures and rejections I've went through. It does hurt, but I'm glad to be smart enough to know there is definitely some prejudice I have to wade through to possibly find good matches for me.
 
I thought I finally had a platonic female friend but that ended up being a flop too. The universe wants me too be friendless with single females, date less and alone forever. I can't wait until I die alone.

Also don't dare give me the saying about when your not looking crap. I was not looking when this crap happened to me so there.
 
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Tony Ramirez said:
I thought I finally had a platonic female friend but that ended up being a flop too. The universe wants me too be friendless with single females, date less and alone forever. I can't wait until I die alone.

Also don't dare give me the saying about when your not looking crap. I was not looking when this crap happened to me so there.
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So, she decided she wasn’t your platonic friend, her loss.

It doesn’t mean no woman will, or even more than that, my man.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Yes it does. Please don't give me that crap that you can meet someone in your 70's. @Steelbookcollector217 is right. Your 20's and 30's are your prime years when you get older start to become decrepit so what's the point.
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You’re in your forties, I’m guessing?

You know, people fall in love at all different ages. An NT woman told me in one of my threads she is her boyfriend’s first girlfriend and he’s 43 and on the spectrum. People have to have their firsts in their forties and beyond. It’s not overly common by society’s standards, but it’s hardly unheard of.
 
BewilderedPerson said:
You’re in your forties, I’m guessing?

You know, people fall in love at all different ages. An NT woman told me in one of my threads she is her boyfriend’s first girlfriend and he’s 43 and on the spectrum. People have to have their firsts in their forties and beyond. It’s not overly common by society’s standards, but it’s hardly unheard of.
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Again did you even bother to read my last post about after a certain age being decrepit and I forgot sterile.
 
BewilderedPerson said:
You’re in your forties, I’m guessing?

You know, people fall in love at all different ages. An NT woman told me in one of my threads she is her boyfriend’s first girlfriend and he’s 43 and on the spectrum. People have to have their firsts in their forties and beyond. It’s not overly common by society’s standards, but it’s hardly unheard of.
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damn, i have mixed emotions on that, i wonder how feels about not having had a girlfriend until late in life that, whenever i hear of someone not getting into their first relationship until very late in life, it reminds me, i've heard people express having mixed emotions, as in, it feels like both a loss and a win at the same time, the loss part, because they are forever sad and depressed because they don't know what its like to be in love when you are very young, they don't know what its like to have a relationship and be sexually active when you are at your peak libido years.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Again did you even bother to read my last post about after a certain age being decrepit and I forgot sterile.
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i sometimes wish i never read this article, i was really affected by it mentally/emotionally, it also reminds me, i have had this mindset over the years, sometimes i like to think that women are the only gender that are owed a relationship because women have always had the luxury of being pursued, courted and having suitors, having men aggressively go after them, come up to them, get advances made on them, even handsome good looking high status men, still unfortuneately normally never have women throwing themselves at them.

https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-43956366
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
damn, i have mixed emotions on that, i wonder how feels about not having had a girlfriend until late in life that, whenever i hear of someone not getting into their first relationship until very late in life, it reminds me, i've heard people express having mixed emotions, as in, it feels like both a loss and a win at the same time, the loss part, because they are forever sad and depressed because they don't know what its like to be in love when you are very young, they don't know what its like to have a relationship and be sexually active when you are at your peak libido years.
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It’s still better than nothing at all, if you ask me.
 
BewilderedPerson said:
It’s still better than nothing at all, if you ask me.
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yup thats what most people will believe and think, but yeah i wonder how he feels about that, i'm sure a lot of people throughout history have always believed that it sucks that life doesn't have a start over switch, that we can't have do-overs. How long have they been together now
 
Tony Ramirez said:
My yoga teacher, my therapist and people here say try online dating to get a girlfriend. They say my current methods of going to places to meet people is not currently working and it is not due to many failures. Even talking to these people here about they assure going to these places I will not meet anyone here but expect online dating.

The problem is I am afraid of putting out a profile and getting no responses back. Nothing. Like when @Markness tried online dating. But for me I would feel worse if I got no responses. I would also like a Christian dating site or a good Christian woman.
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Go out and get a girlfriend! :D
 
Judge said:
Tony, what exactly happened in your opinion to make you conclude that friendship became a "flop" ?
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The church friends response which meant just talking after service and nothing else. That even means not hanging out in groups something I have with my other female friends from the Tuesday and Thursday groups.
 
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