I'm petrified to even try online dating.

[Hypnalis]

@Captain Caveman

Even going back to before the time the current world started to be formed (1980's) this was difficult for some people.
Now: take a look at the estimates for the number of women without children in the near- to medium future.

From memory only, and probably only for the US (the claimed source was a large Wall Street finance company):
The number of women in the age range something like 35-45 (maybe 35-50, or 35+) who have never had children is growing, and it's expected to be up to about 50% by 2030.
NB: As I understand it, for ages 35+, a pregnancy is technically called considered a "geriatric pregnancy".
Think of it as being beyond the human body's "sweet spot". Later is possible of course, but the odds drop fast after that.

I don't discuss sources here (with good reason, but not one I'll discuss) but it shouldn't be difficult to find the source data).

The point is to highlight just how strange things have become, and the consequences for people who are not a good fit for dating in its current form.

It's become a kind of "race to the bottom", driven by deferral and statistically impossible standards on one side, and a degree of "checking out" on the other. Now that 80% of women are "10's" (or more correctly believe they are), 80% of men are considered unattractive /sigh.

It's interesting to watch (for me anyway), but but these are difficult times for men at the lower end of that 80%. A space in which people with ASD are over-represented.

 

[Judge]

The church friends response which meant just talking after service and nothing else. That even means not hanging out in groups something I have with my other female friends from the Tuesday and Thursday groups.

I wouldn't write off a friendship over something like that. Reminds me of wanting to go out to lunch with someone I liked at work. When I couldn't find her I just assumed she didn't want to go out with me. When in reality she simply took her lunch hour to fetch some pictures from the developer. When she returned it was her looking to find me to show me her photos.

My point is that I totally misinterpreted the situation. Sometimes you just have to roll with whatever goes down, even if it doesn't pan out the way you wanted. Hang in there...be that friend to them.

 

[Hypnalis]

The church friends response which meant just talking after service and nothing else. That even means not hanging out in groups something I have with my other female friends from the Tuesday and Thursday groups.

There's a principle about relationships of all kinds:
"Relationships are controlled by the person with the lowest interest".

If it matters, it's possible to ask about such things politely, and you'll generally get an honest answer.
Asking and not hearing what you were hoping for is much better in the long run than not asking, and becoming disappointed later.

This isn't so easy the first time, but it's much easier than recovering from accidently offending someone.

Knowing the actual situation makes it much easier to maintain your side of the relationship. Including managing your own expectations, not "investing" too much in terms of time, resources, emotional energy, etc.

 

[Captain Caveman]

@Captain Caveman

Even going back to before the time the current world started to be formed (1980's) this was difficult for some people.
Now: take a look at the estimates for the number of women without children in the near- to medium future.

From memory only, and probably only for the US (the claimed source was a large Wall Street finance company):
The number of women in the age range something like 35-45 (maybe 35-50, or 35+) who have never had children is growing, and it's expected to be up to about 50% by 2030.
NB: As I understand it, for ages 35+, a pregnancy is technically called considered a "geriatric pregnancy".
Think of it as being beyond the human body's "sweet spot". Later is possible of course, but the odds drop fast after that.

I don't discuss sources here (with good reason, but not one I'll discuss) but it shouldn't be difficult to find the source data).

The point is to highlight just how strange things have become, and the consequences for people who are not a good fit for dating in its current form.

It's become a kind of "race to the bottom", driven by deferral and statistically impossible standards on one side, and a degree of "checking out" on the other. Now that 80% of women are "10's" (or more correctly believe they are), 80% of men are considered unattractive /sigh.

It's interesting to watch (for me anyway), but but these are difficult times for men at the lower end of that 80%. A space in which people with ASD are over-represented.

I was replying to the origional poster as I prayed and felt it was right. It will work.

Regarding what you posted with women finding it hard to find someone nice to settle down with. A few things have happened in recent years due to laws being stacked against them means that many men have stopped looking and have chosen to remain single.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I wouldn't write off a friendship over something like that. Reminds me of wanting to go out to lunch with someone I liked at work. When I couldn't find her I just assumed she didn't want to go out with me. When in reality she simply took her lunch hour to fetch some pictures from the developer. When she returned it was her looking to find me to show me her photos.

My point is that I totally misinterpreted the situation. Sometimes you just have to roll with whatever goes down, even if it doesn't pan out the way you wanted. Hang in there...be that friend to them.

I still message her. She still says nice things back. I told her I had a good private prayer session. She said it was great. She is happy for me. She says she will be there on Sunday.

 

[Captain Caveman]

I was replying to the origional poster as I prayed and felt it was right. It will work.

Regarding what you posted with women finding it hard to find someone nice to settle down with. A few things have happened in recent years due to laws being stacked against them means that many men have stopped looking and have chosen to remain single.

Edited my reply to shorten it because I thought people didn't like to read long posts. Apologizs if the "Like" was with the longer post.

 

[Aspychata]

That's some progress, that you two are still in contact. I haven't met quite the right men when l tried to date, but l just gave up. I lost interest basically. I am not sad, just indifferent. I don't blame myself or the male race. I did feel a bit used in my last two relationships, and decided yuck, l need better boundaries. But l also had two past men in my life reach out to me, and they both wanted relationships again with me, so that really helped me. Maybe try not being so attached and perhaps a little aloof in your pursuit? Perhaps us being on the spectrum does make dating a lot more difficult especially if we think in absolutes or black and white thinking. Dating to me is like job interviews, and l don't like either of those things because of so much uncertainty. Making friends is much the same. I just reached out and made friends with someone where l lived. And we are still friends.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

We were always in contact. I am just blowing it out of proportion with my catastrophic. I know deep inside she is my friend and she cares for me otherwise she wouldn't bother to text me back. She even said that I am no bother to her. She will always be patient and understanding and is not mad or upset. She just wants to make sure I don't have any romantically feelings. I also truly think that she knows in my current condition I am not ready to date her or any women.