Interested in dating a guy but he confuses me

[lorelai]

I dont have a problem just hanging out with him, i would just like to not be so confused all the time though :/ All the time asking me out, sending me shirtless pics, I spent the past 5 years thinking he likes me lol

 

[Ylva]

Then why do you think he wants to see me when his brother isnt there? To hang out? He has also been asking to see me all the time since he met me 5 years ago, so i thought he was attracted, but talking to people who know more about this, makes me consider more options..

Well, there are a lot of options…

He could be only romantically interested.

He could be only sexually interested (I think we can rule this one out, but you're the one with all the data)

He could be only interested in you as a friend, but not know how else to handle a relationship with a woman.

He could be completely heterosexual and heteroromantic and completely into you, but doesn't know what to do with it because nobody bothered to teach him.

He could be unable to tell platonic and romantic feelings apart. This is an actual romantic orientation called quoiromantic, which neurotypicals can have as well. Apparently those feelings are very similar.

He could just be aware that his brother inserts himself into his life as he pleases (or whatever) and not want him involved in what the two of you have.

Rule of thumb: always be direct with an aspie. It's not our only mode of communication, but it is the one that is fastest to process.

 

[lorelai]

Well, there are a lot of options…

He could be only romantically interested.

He could be only sexually interested (I think we can rule this one out, but you're the one with all the data)

He could be only interested in you as a friend, but not know how else to handle a relationship with a woman.

He could be completely heterosexual and heteroromantic and completely into you, but doesn't know what to do with it because nobody bothered to teach him.

He could be unable to tell platonic and romantic feelings apart. This is an actual romantic orientation called quoiromantic, which neurotypicals can have as well. Apparently those feelings are very similar.

He could just be aware that his brother inserts himself into his life as he pleases (or whatever) and not want him involved in what the two of you have.

Rule of thumb: always be direct with an aspie. It's not our only mode of communication, but it is the one that is fastest to process.

Well whenever i would ask him about girlfriends etc, he would change the subject or reply to me that he has never been in love, that he prefers to be alone etc. That at the time made me think he just wanted sex.. But then i saw how he reacts to references to sex, he just changes the subject. He also kept asking to meet even at the times he knew i wasnt single-again, back then i thought he just wanted sex. Omg i feel so embarassed for telling him i liked him a few days ago..
Is it something usual, to see someone as a friend and keep asking to see them all the time, for years?

 

[OkRad]

Walk away if you can. The torment will not end because he lives in it. That is why i isolate. I live in torment and dont want to tornent anyone. People think we dont care. I do care. My worse nightmare is hurting someone. And not even trying . In fact trying my best to be a good influence and cursed to always make people confused or angry

 

[lorelai]

Im just reading older messages of his, he was asking if i got a bf, if i got married, he told me he put me in his close friends fb list(its a list to monitor a few close friends of yours, what they post etc), he would tag me in everything and would ask me if it was okay(because he would tag me in places, as if we were together). He would call all of the time. All these sound like attraction. Of course most of his messages talked about sports/working out/the gym (he is a trainer and i was an athlete back then, we were both working out like crazy). So maybe he thinks he finally found someone who shares his passion for fitness? And just sees me as a friend. And i told him i liked him, omg i cant face him now

 

[Ylva]

If you literally just said "I like you" then he might have no idea. He could have thought you were just expressing approval.

But if this whole thing is too stressful for you I'm sure he'll understand. After all, he's been considering himself your friend for five years,meven the two of radio silence. He knows you have cancer. If he wants to see you he can come to you, or you can just stay in touch via texting. This isn't even a complex social issue, it's just health, which you say he works with, so I don't see how he could fail to understand, autism or no autism.

 

[lorelai]

If you literally just said "I like you" then he might have no idea. He could have thought you were just expressing approval.

But if this whole thing is too stressful for you I'm sure he'll understand. After all, he's been considering himself your friend for five years,meven the two of radio silence. He knows you have cancer. If he wants to see you he can come to you, or you can just stay in touch via texting. This isn't even a complex social issue, it's just health, which you say he works with, so I don't see how he could fail to understand, autism or no autism.

im not sure i understand(sorry my english), even though i said ''i like you''(i literally just said that), he could have no idea i like him still? I didnt understand the approval thing

 

[lorelai]

I did tell him to come but i dont think he would come alone.. The only times he came here were because his brother had to travel here for work matters, and he came along

 

[Ylva]

im not sure i understand(sorry my english), even though i said ''i like you''(i literally just said that), he could have no idea i like him still? I didnt understand the approval thing

I'm not sure I understand either. I like my friends, or they wouldn't be my friends. I like a lot of things, and it doesn't imply romantic interest. Is your native language very different?

 

[lorelai]

I'm not sure I understand either. I like my friends, or they wouldn't be my friends. I like a lot of things, and it doesn't imply romantic interest. Is your native language very different?

Yes it is lol. We dont even use the same alphabet. I got what you said though. Well my friend(not autistic but he has another disorder) who has seen our messages thinks he likes me because he tried to kiss me on the first day we met. And he thinks he is a virgin and wants to be alone with me so we can have sex. I know im very annoying with all these posts but id like to go there with a clear head and not having so many doubts. I know thats not possible, you dont even know him. Whatever happens happens i guess, at least ill enjoy the train ride there, hopefully ill enjoy my stay too

 

[Rich Gray]

Omg that is hilarious, what did she say?

I thought that saying so was a compliment. She was a little shocked. Her friends thought that it was funny.