Is he stringing me along or changing mind about feelings not unusual?

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

I responded but it took me 20 minutes (I was cleaning) and he got mad at me. I tried to explain calmly that I was not by my phone but he was not having it.

This is the giveaway. He has lost his grip utterly.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

I would assume he was, but I can only take his word for it. He was living alone for more than a year for sure.

He sounds like he is far too cagey. One might clean and tidy and pay one's bills, but he evidently isn't coping at the personality level or the intellectual level. He is old enough to work out some rationale. He hasn't learned.

 

[margotk]

He sounds like he is far too cagey. One might clean and tidy and pay one's bills, but he evidently isn't coping at the personality level or the intellectual level. He is old enough to work out some rationale. He hasn't learned.

I think you are right. I have to distance myself from this situation and hope that he will figure out what he needs to feel happy. He is so awesome in so many ways and I wish he could see that. Thank you for taking the time.

 

[Thinx]

The only thing I don't understand is why he is pushing time and time again to make us exclusive again and be in relationship, where I said repeatedly to be friends and see how it goes. That should be a perfect scenario if he just wanted to hang out. But to be honest, who knows.

Does he want sex maybe?

 

[SDRSpark]

I think you are right. I have to distance myself from this situation and hope that he will figure out what he needs to feel happy. He is so awesome in so many ways and I wish he could see that. Thank you for taking the time.

This is the problem. All the toxic ones are awesome in several ways...that makes it so hard to see that they're toxic and cut ties with them. (And I'm not saying that he is being intentionally abusive - though he could be - but look up "love bombing" and "grooming". Abusers are often SUPER AWESOME at first, and intermittently, to hook their victims and keep them confused and attached.)

 

[margotk]

Does he want sex maybe?

Who knows? Eh...

 

[margotk]

This is the problem. All the toxic ones are awesome in several ways...that makes it so hard to see that they're toxic and cut ties with them. (And I'm not saying that he is being intentionally abusive - though he could be - but look up "love bombing" and "grooming". Abusers are often SUPER AWESOME at first, and intermittently, to hook their victims and keep them confused and attached.)

Yeah, the charm of a sociopath as my friend calls it. I now the term already because his behaviour was so erratic at times that I looked into narcissism, attachment theory etc. Intermittent reinforcement and trauma bond is real.

 

[Thinx]

Yeah, the charm of a sociopath as my friend calls it. I now the term already because his behaviour was so erratic at times that I looked into narcissism, attachment theory etc. Intermittent reinforcement and trauma bond is real.

Yes I wondered about narcissism. It might even be what he's up against, more than autism. And the problem with that is, he wouldn't know it or want to remedy it, because, everyone else is the problem, not him.

 

[Resync29]

Thank you for the welcome, I really appreciate it He is good at verbalizing and when we are together he is very caring, loving, more affectionate than I am sometimes, and also jealous (for no reason). But his mood changes on a dime, not just with me. He can have contradictory opinions about the same topic/person within days/hours. For me it seems like he always needs to retreat or act aloof when he opens up (when he suggested we move in together, said that he loved me, wants to be with me etc.). Like he can't lose (or rather -what he considers loosing e.g. that I am not jumping at the idea to come back together without working through communication issues). I will of course give him plenty of space, I am not going to contact him, but I am not the one initiating meetings/convos for the last few months, he is.

Hi, I am new here and also recently seperated, my ex-wife would label my behavior as toxic very easily lately and I wouldn't understand (this was before I self diagnosed as HFA).
I would like to share the struggles we had to give a perspective of what you might be experiencing. He might be caring for you, a lot than might be obvious as I can tell from how he is around you initially but if he is on the spectrum this might have been a very concious effort that costs him a lot of mental energy and then he burns out, can't deal with it anymore and needs some downtime (this was me for most of my marriage which lasted 12 years and I didn't know what I was doing wrong or what was wrong with me, which apparently wasn't wrong just different).
I am in no positioned to give any advice as I am trying to figure out how I can work on this myself. Just saw some parts of me in the above situation, I might be totally wrong.

At any rate, it seems he needs to find the right glove to put on (do some work on himself) first before he keeps touching the lives of others with his bare hands leaving some marks.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

He is so awesome in so many ways and I wish he could see that.

IF mentioning that, make sure he sees neither you nor he are obligated. The sea is very big and very good. Memories are real enough not to have to be duplicated. He can lay down inventive new layers in his geology.

 

[margotk]

Hi, I am new here and also recently seperated, my ex-wife would label my behavior as toxic very easily lately and I wouldn't understand (this was before I self diagnosed as HFA).
I would like to share the struggles we had to give a perspective of what you might be experiencing. He might be caring for you, a lot than might be obvious as I can tell from how he is around you initially but if he is on the spectrum this might have been a very concious effort that costs him a lot of mental energy and then he burns out, can't deal with it anymore and needs some downtime (this was me for most of my marriage which lasted 12 years and I didn't know what I was doing wrong or what was wrong with me, which apparently wasn't wrong just different).
I am in no positioned to give any advice as I am trying to figure out how I can work on this myself. Just saw some parts of me in the above situation, I might be totally wrong.

At any rate, it seems he needs to find the right glove to put on (do some work on himself) first before he keeps touching the lives of others with his bare hands leaving some marks.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, I really appreciate it. I totally agree that not only him but we both need to work on ourselves, but sadly I think that we need to be separate for that. This experience brought me happiness but also some scars that need to heal.