inlalaland
Member
Oh, that is a very interesting idea. I haven't thought of that.
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Is it normal for all nearly 5 year olds not to listen or is it the autism?
- Thread starter inlalaland
- Start date
GrownupGirl
Tempermental Artist
I read somewhere when you tell your kids something like "Don't pull your sister's hair" or "Don't run into the street", they automatically imagine themselves doing the very thing you told them not to do and it makes them even more likely to act as if they heard everything but the word "Don't".
It happens with adults too. For example if you say "Don't think about the color blue", and the first thing that pops into their head is the color blue or things that are blue.
Of course, how to tell your kids not to do something without the word "don't", I really have no idea.
It happens with adults too. For example if you say "Don't think about the color blue", and the first thing that pops into their head is the color blue or things that are blue.
Of course, how to tell your kids not to do something without the word "don't", I really have no idea.
Kayla55
Well-Known Member
My son watches his videos and decides for himself (age specific) whether he has red flags, now. From time to time we check for updates. He specifies not telling people they have autism, but it does help to know why we are different.
Obviously we must keep children safe, so drugs seem to be applicable, sad. I try not to. Another point with ADHD perhaps lending to behaviour that is out of control of parent, and legally bad behaviour can cost parent custody under exceptional chances. This is why I accuse our therapist of not refering because how do parents know when bad behaviour is disability and my father refuses to acknowledge this. (Asd is blessing because he rarely lie or steal) but ADHD is possibility of running with law.
If I don't have solution to him soon, I'm pressured to put him on ssid
Kayla55
Well-Known Member
There is no idiots guide to autism or ABA therapy, it was a joke (ha-ha)
Your reaction isn't making conversational sense, it's a defense mechanism.
Allow me to introduce you to what most of autism community is saying: we don't like people looking into our eyes. Do you see the problem with my speech therapist, I didn't ask her to fix his body language and she replied I'm doing my job. I felt like throwing her out window because she evaded my medical right to tell her to stop doing this.
Still want to add her to failbook, but on reject perspective side to pinpoint why despite receiving education she just was no good at her job.
Kayla55
Well-Known Member
My ex would speak to me as if he thought himself ''n korporal'
He'd say in army korporal gives order, then reciprocate with a negative over.
Then he'd shout louder and louder to get hearing aid.
I still battled to answer this form of German ABA that treated me like guinea pig: so finally one day I replied, 'korporal I'm not that deaf, I'm just echnoring you' to understand why he's so angry is because narcissists don't like to be echnored.
If you didn't get this one then maybe you just really don't know what you are talking about.
He'd say in army korporal gives order, then reciprocate with a negative over.
Then he'd shout louder and louder to get hearing aid.
I still battled to answer this form of German ABA that treated me like guinea pig: so finally one day I replied, 'korporal I'm not that deaf, I'm just echnoring you' to understand why he's so angry is because narcissists don't like to be echnored.
If you didn't get this one then maybe you just really don't know what you are talking about.
I allowed my daughter to get a rescue cat at 5. She loved being in charge of it, and named it. l think it taught her to be responsible and compassionate. You do this even by planting seeds, he could water, check it every day, teaching him responsibility and compassion. Chores, even though small, would help him take part in helping with the house. Like put a small garbage bin in the bathroom, for him to empty in a bigger garbage, have him straightened up his bedding, put a chore list on his door, to check off. Go to a animal rescue center might be helpful with him. Ask him to watch his sister while you wash dishes, and then he can pick out something small at the store for helping mom out.
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One simple way is to make it positive: Instead of "Don't touch the oven", say "Let's be safe; the oven is hot". The downside is that it's hard to specify the exact thing that you want this way. Perhaps it's an upside, making the kid think more about why he's not supposed to touch the oven.
There are plenty of articles online with other ways of avoiding "don't" and "no", with experts advising even more strongly against using the latter word. Search "alternatives for saying don't to children".
This book might help. I think it's more a personality thing, not necessarily an Autism thing. I have an exceedingly neurodiverse family,l; parents, siblings, neices, nephews, and 7 offspring of my own. They are all unique and the only thing is that the ASD can make parenting next level challenging with some neurospicy kid's but not all.
This book is also genius for any and ALL communication issues
Review: Marshall B. Rosenberg’s “Nonviolent Communication” : words and dirt
This book is also genius for any and ALL communication issues
Review: Marshall B. Rosenberg’s “Nonviolent Communication” : words and dirt
@inlalaland
This suggests you're negotiating with him, and that's he's learned to wait out your requests.
If you want to influence a young child's behavior, you give them clear, reasonable orders, and you ensure they do as they're told with predictable, strictly proportional sanctions, with no emotional overtones.
("sanction" specifically excludes anything "kinetic" - it's literally illegal where we raised our kids, and I never had cause to regret following that law).
The parts in italics are as important as not negotiating.
And, not because I think you're doing it, but because it's essential, so it has to be said anyway: "no emotional overtones" specifically includes don't show anger (not even simulated) , and don't feel anger.
I know there are people who recommend different approaches, including some extremely "passive" parenting styles. so you'll have been exposed to approaches that actively oppose what I wrote above.
But I also know that a good proportion of children are taught to interact in unproductive and/or harmful ways by their parents. So I'm very skeptical of the more passive styles of parenting.
This suggests you're negotiating with him, and that's he's learned to wait out your requests.
If you want to influence a young child's behavior, you give them clear, reasonable orders, and you ensure they do as they're told with predictable, strictly proportional sanctions, with no emotional overtones.
("sanction" specifically excludes anything "kinetic" - it's literally illegal where we raised our kids, and I never had cause to regret following that law).
The parts in italics are as important as not negotiating.
And, not because I think you're doing it, but because it's essential, so it has to be said anyway: "no emotional overtones" specifically includes don't show anger (not even simulated) , and don't feel anger.
I know there are people who recommend different approaches, including some extremely "passive" parenting styles. so you'll have been exposed to approaches that actively oppose what I wrote above.
But I also know that a good proportion of children are taught to interact in unproductive and/or harmful ways by their parents. So I'm very skeptical of the more passive styles of parenting.
Raising a ND child in such a way to keep them motivated and challenged is an art, and requires different tactics then a NT child. They do mature later in life, so the tactics you use when they are younger can be diverse and not labeled as anything but helping them to understand concepts of responsibility, empathy, cooperation, and confidence. My little ND is now an adult, graduated from the university, is working as a data analyst, been a relationship for seven years, and is thriving. But you will worry about them. No, my daughter never waited out my requests, that is presumptuous remark to make about a five year old child.
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If I'd never observed it happening it perhaps.
But not only have I seen children ignoring their parent's instructions more times than I can count - I've even seen "Nanny" TV programs based around following the rehabilitation of undisciplined children.
I don't doubt your child (or children) were practically perfect in every way, but if so you were either extraordinarily lucky, or perhaps could have starred in one of those shows.
I think something to keep in mind is that we all have a distorted picture of our own upbringing. We'll remember important points, like the time our parents explained something to us, and we accepted it, we stopped a bad behavior.
But what we don't remember is that the 1,000 other times our parents tried intervention prior to that snapshot.
But what we don't remember is that the 1,000 other times our parents tried intervention prior to that snapshot.
No, l never raised my daughter to be "perfect'. l was raised that way and hated it. l raised my daughter, and helped her explore her passions, hoping that one day, she may end up making a living off of such passions. I never pushed her for grades, l never pushed her to adhere to any behavior standards, she had a lot of choices, and made many of her own decisions. But l am a ND parent, not a NT parent. Alot of the Nanny shows feature NT families, just for clarification. How to parent is a personal decision, and we should appreciate this parent who came to the forum to ask for ideas in raising her budding little boy. 
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Kayla55
Well-Known Member
So tired of all these potty training issues, yet despite all info out there...
Here I try tackle what parent needs to know
I am realizing from reading various threads on this website that each autistic person seems to have their own personality that is distinct amongst the other autistic persons. Have you noticed this as you read through the topics? I believe you should find out what defines your son's unique personality. He can be both autistic and have a distinct personality for you to discover. I also noticed you have two kids and I've noticed families with more than one child tend not to be focused on the kids with a one-on-one kind of interaction. That can mean that if the autistic person is ignored often then they'll ignore back in return. But if you can show him he is not just a number in the family then he may have time when he will not want to ignore Mommy.
2 things to understand within the context of autism:
1. Monotrophism
2. Demand Avoidance
PDA is only one presentation and not every autistic person has this.
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