Mom shares the less-than-pretty truth about raising a child with autism in ‘Autism Uncensored’

[Aidan49]

Did you read the book? You have heavily criticized what she did wrong. I would like for you to tell me what she SHOULD have done right. OR, what she DID do correctly.

So you say he went to an Elmo concert, and it did not work - that’s what is called an “experiment.” Did she move on to something else, OR KEEP TAKING HIM TO ELMO CONCERTS AS A WAY TO TORTURE HIM? Really, the whole book has got to be about more than one single Elmo concert.

if i wanted to heavily criticise something you'll know all about it. i merely wondered about the point of taking him to an elmo concert.

 

[Aidan49]

But it is used even in 2018, and CAN show positive results. Scientifically, it can be proven to work with, of course, varying results.

but maybe not for zac.

 

[Mary Anne]

if i wanted to heavily criticise something you'll know all about it. i merely wondered about the point of taking him to an elmo concert.

You completely denied and judged with this critics, “she's basically saying: "i don't care how you feel about this. you are going to go there and enjoy it because it makes me look like a good parent and i'm tired of failing with you."

She says she just wanted out of the nightmare. Which is reasonable! She started engaging exposure therapy AFTER this scene,

"And when in the grips of a public tantrum, amidst the horror and humiliation of him shrieking and splayed out on the floor while strangers recoiled in shock, my mind lurched towards an inescapable truth--that I want out from this nightmare. “

Whitney Ellenby- author of Autism Uncensored

 

[55853]

if i wanted to heavily criticise something you'll know all about it. i merely wondered about the point of taking him to an elmo concert.

To expose him. To allow him to find a way to cope, as well as having the added benefit of finding something else he might enjoy. Whether or not it had that effect, I don't know, I've not read the book. But it's something all parents do when they take their young children to new places.

 

[Mary Anne]

but maybe not for zac.

Who knows? You don’t. I don’t, but I read in an article that she feels it worked over time.

 

[Mary Anne]

To expose him. To allow him to find a way to cope, as well as having the added benefit of finding something else he might enjoy. Whether or not it had that effect, I don't know, I've not read the book. But it's something all parents do when they take their young children to new places.

After years of no glimmer of hope or responses, or enjoyments, I honestly would imagine that she could not reach him or know any of those things you mention. So she tried new ways. Please read the book and not focus on one tiny part (taken out of context) like the Elmo concert. It’s impossible to know how to parent a child like Zack if one has not previously been exposed to it. I think she tried everything she could.

 

[Aidan49]

To expose him. To allow him to find a way to cope, as well as having the added benefit of finding something else he might enjoy. Whether or not it had that effect, I don't know, I've not read the book. But it's something all parents do when they take their young children to new places.

he might have associated it with a bad memory?

 

[Aidan49]

Who knows? You don’t. I don’t, but I read in an article that she feels it worked over time.

it might not have worked and zac could be permantly scarred by his experience at the elmo concert but hasn't expressed that yet either because he doesn't have the language skills or because he's forgotten.

 

[Mary Anne]

it might not have worked and zac could be permantly scarred by his experience at the elmo concert but hasn't expressed that yet either because he doesn't have the language skills or because he's forgotten.

Just found this. She certainly felt desperate at that Elmo concert. She was driven temporarily insane I think! You gotta read the entire thing though...it’s not long.
We need to include children with autism in the real world. Here's what everyone can do to help

 

[55853]

After years of no glimmer of hope or responses, or enjoyments, I honestly would imagine that she could not reach him or know any of those things you mention. So she tried new ways. Please read the book and not focus on one tiny part (taken out of context) like the Elmo concert. It’s impossible to know how to parent a child like Zack if one has not previously been exposed to it. I think she tried everything she could.

Are you aware that I agree? I was saying what the initial point was, since Aidan49 said he wondered that. I was not commenting on anything else, because as I've already said, I can only speak for myself.

 

[Aidan49]

Just found this. She certainly felt desperate at that Elmo concert. She was driven temporarily insane I think! You gotta read the entire thing though...it’s not long.
We need to include children with autism in the real world. Here's what everyone can do to help

i don't like how she said the word tantrum when meltdown would be more appropriate.

i agree that children with autism should be exposed to the wider world, but only suiting their level of functionality.

 

[Mary Anne]

i don't like how she said the word tantrum when meltdown would be more appropriate.

i agree that children with autism should be exposed to the wider world, but only suiting their level of functionality.

I just read the Mighty website responses of hate and bashing her. Honestly those intense kind of emotion and thoughts are so extreme that it scares me. I do not accept their intensities, nor their extremist views. I guess I am not autistic enough??? This community is extremely divided, and that makes me so sad. It explains many things to me, now.

 

[Aidan49]

I just read the Mighty website responses of hate and bashing her. Honestly those intense kind of emotion and thoughts are so extreme that it scares me. I do not accept their intensities, nor their extremist views. I guess I am not autistic enough??? This community is extremely divided, and that makes me so sad. It explains many things to me, now.

mighty website?

 

[Mary Anne]

mighty website?

It’s in my opinion, horribly extremist, and filled with hate. I will post the link, and hate myself for doing it. It disgusts me, I do not agree, and really am turned off. I can understand what she did and why. Elmo was something Zack loved. The critics are way way extremist and scare me.
Does not make me feel less for the mother and what she endured and still does. I am so turned off, I do not even want to remotely connect with the aspie community if this is what it’s comming to. I have lived aspie for 61 years alone, and can do it again.
Publisher Defends Memoir Autistic People Say Depicts Abuse of Woman's Autistic Son

 

[WildCat]

It’s in my opinion, horribly extremist, and filled with hate. I will post the link, and hate myself for doing it. It disgusts me, I do not agree, and really am turned off. I can understand what she did and why. Elmo was something Zack loved. The critics are way way extremist and scare me.
Does not make me feel less for the mother and what she endured and still does. I am so turned off, I do not even want to remotely connect with the aspie community if this is what it’s comming to. I have lived aspie for 61 years alone, and can do it again.
Publisher Defends Memoir Autistic People Say Depicts Abuse of Woman's Autistic Son

I appreciate your input Mary and agree with a lot of what you've said so far. OK, never mind that, a lot of what you're saying here is absolutely right. It's always refreshing to get a much needed difference in perspective IMO.

Unfortunately, there's that certain segment of the ASD population that's gone off the deep end. These people do not speak for everyone and they certainly don't speak for me.

 

[Aidan49]

It’s in my opinion, horribly extremist, and filled with hate. I will post the link, and hate myself for doing it. It disgusts me, I do not agree, and really am turned off. I can understand what she did and why. Elmo was something Zack loved. The critics are way way extremist and scare me.
Does not make me feel less for the mother and what she endured and still does. I am so turned off, I do not even want to remotely connect with the aspie community if this is what it’s comming to. I have lived aspie for 61 years alone, and can do it again.
Publisher Defends Memoir Autistic People Say Depicts Abuse of Woman's Autistic Son

seems like a fine website.

 

[55853]

I am so turned off, I do not even want to remotely connect with the aspie community if this is what it’s comming to. I have lived aspie for 61 years alone, and can do it again.

The people with the strongest, most extreme opinions are more likely to loudly voice them. I think we're just seeing the most vocal people, rather than a representative viewpoint. I hope that's the case, anyway.

 

[Starfire]

@Mary Anne Do you see why I used the words “traitor” and “vilified” now? It’s been an interesting thread to read and quite enlightening how far apart some people’s views are on the same thing. Who is right and who is wrong I wouldn’t presume to say, maybe both are.

Either way, I don’t envy the attention the author is receiving, but it’s worth remembering the often used “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism!” Despite all the criticism the author has and is receiving, I firmly believe she did as is doing what she thinks is right for her child.

Children don't come with an instruction manual and if we receive no help, to some degree we have to make things up as we go along. She was never to know what he enjoyed or not until she helped him experience things. Sometimes we have to take a small risk, or children would never learn to swim, ride a bike, or cross a road as they could be viewed as dangerous, threatening activities, they could also be viewed as teaching life skills and an opportunity to experience and grow.

 

[Aidan49]

@Mary Anne Do you see why I used the words “traitor” and “vilified” now? It’s been an interesting thread to read and quite enlightening how far apart some people’s views are on the same thing. Who is right and who is wrong I wouldn’t presume to say, maybe both are.

Either way, I don’t envy the attention the author is receiving, but it’s worth remembering the often used “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism!” Despite all the criticism the author has and is receiving, I firmly believe she did as is doing what she thinks is right for her child.

Children don't come with an instruction manual and if we receive no help, to some degree we have to make things up as we go along. She was never to know what he enjoyed or not until she helped him experience things. Sometimes we have to take a small risk, or children would never learn to swim, ride a bike, or cross a road as they could be viewed as dangerous, threatening activities, they could also be viewed as teaching life skills and an opportunity to experience and grow.

how is going to an elmo concert a life skill?

 

[Starfire]

how is going to an elmo concert a life skill?

Where exactly did I say going to an Elmo concert is a life skill? Please don’t put words into my mouth which I didn’t say. I specially mentioned swimming, riding a bike and crossing the road, all of which could be considered life skills.