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No Friends or Family

Yes, I don't have any friends in the area I live in. When I was younger, I was very good friends with the kid who lived across the street from me. We were as close as could be for about eight years. Then he moved to live with his mom and I didn't see him as often, and when I did see him, I just felt like he had become better and more mature than I was. He was two years younger than I, and once he got to high school, he just seemed to surpass me when it came to things like learning to drive, getting in relationships, etc. I was depressed because he seemed like such a different person, even though he never treated me as inferior. So even if he hadn't left, it would still be hard for me to feel the same way toward him as I used to.
 
I'm married but I don't have any friends of my own,it's very hard for me to connect with people and to form a bond I have tried in the past to have friends but it doesn't work out so I have gotten very use to the idea of not having friends,yes I do sometimes wish that I could at least have one friend but then I have gotten very accustomed to how my life is,its not what I desire but I just got to keep going and not worry about it since worrying hasn't done me any good in the past.
 
Adora said:
I don't have any friends of my own, it's very hard for me to connect with people and to form a bond I have tried in the past to have friends but it doesn't work out so I have gotten very use to the idea of not having friends, yes I do sometimes wish that I could at least have one friend but then I have gotten very accustomed to how my life is, its not what I desire but I just got to keep going and not worry about it since worrying hasn't done me any good in the past.
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Yes, I have always felt this way too. Wish I could at least have one good friend. I did, but she left me. It's very seldom I go out and party these days. Just a few times a year if there's an important family gathering, but even then I don't really connect well with family. It's not that I don't love them, but I find it hard to relax and do chit chat, and often I'll find an excuse not to go anymore. If I'm feeling really good about myself, I may go.
 
I don't have any local friends, don't have any close friends locally or online, and family is mostly estranged and definitely on awkward terms all around. I've always depended on no one but myself and have for a long time. At first it was empowering and fun. Then it became taxing and uncomfortable. Now I have so little energy I can't even conceive of the idea of trying to reach out and meet anyone new, ever.

I feel so exhausted all the time, like a huge failure in life. I have a lot of ideas and creativity and talent but it's just close to practically impossible to take on any large projects without practical support of ANY kind. I feel like they are all going to waste, and all I can do is watch and accept that.

I suppose that knowing I am autistic is comforting and helps me take away some of the burden associated with the belief in personal failure. But not all autistic people end up like this, right? Am I a bad example?
 
hiraeth said:
I don't have any local friends, don't have any close friends locally or online, and family is mostly estranged and definitely on awkward terms all around. I've always depended on no one but myself and have for a long time. At first it was empowering and fun. Then it became taxing and uncomfortable. Now I have so little energy I can't even conceive of the idea of trying to reach out and meet anyone new, ever.

I feel so exhausted all the time, like a huge failure in life. I have a lot of ideas and creativity and talent but it's just close to practically impossible to take on any large projects without practical support of ANY kind. I feel like they are all going to waste, and all I can do is watch and accept that.

I suppose that knowing I am autistic is comforting and helps me take away some of the burden associated with the belief in personal failure. But not all autistic people end up like this, right? Am I a bad example?
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No you are not a bad example. You say you are creative. In what areas? Maybe someone here knows how you could get started making something of your creativity. We have musicians and artists here and, writers.

For me knowing I'm Autistic explains some of my struggles and, some of my unique talents as well but, it isn't an excuse for my shortcomings or failures. Those just mean I have to try harder, do better and, if it takes me the rest of my life to do it, then so be it - I have that amazing Aspie focus to help me get it done and, I'm going to use it to my advantage. Even if I fail, at least I tried my hardest and did my best and, that's all the world can ask of me.
 
I know the feeling. I had a few friends growing up, but once puberty hit they matured and I basically didn't. Puberty is a confusing thing. It is more confusing when you have a hard time socializing and being around new people. It felt like they grew up and I stayed a kid. I still feel less mature than those around me and I am 45. I am socially out of step. I do have great psychologists and family that help me to navigate the world. I do feel out of step with the world around me, but I count myself as lucky to have people in my life to help me.
 
TSS said:
I know the feeling. I had a few friends growing up, but once puberty hit they matured and I basically didn't. Puberty is a confusing thing. It is more confusing when you have a hard time socializing and being around new people. It felt like they grew up and I stayed a kid. I still feel less mature than those around me
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Yeah, same with me. It's true, though. When I look around I even think five year olds are 'maturer' than me with their confidence. Like this wee dude on his bike kinda shouted something at me (can't remember what), but it was startling. He sounded like someone around my age in their thirties. I do feel well behind in my years and even look it!
 
hiraeth said:
I don't have any local friends, don't have any close friends locally or online, and family is mostly estranged and definitely on awkward terms all around. I've always depended on no one but myself and have for a long time. At first it was empowering and fun. Then it became taxing and uncomfortable. Now I have so little energy I can't even conceive of the idea of trying to reach out and meet anyone new, ever.

I feel so exhausted all the time, like a huge failure in life. I have a lot of ideas and creativity and talent but it's just close to practically impossible to take on any large projects without practical support of ANY kind. I feel like they are all going to waste, and all I can do is watch and accept that.

I suppose that knowing I am autistic is comforting and helps me take away some of the burden associated with the belief in personal failure. But not all autistic people end up like this, right? Am I a bad example?
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No you're not a bad example. :) Wow you sound a lot like me. I am an artist. It IS hard doing projects alone. I often end up doing nothing or starting something then not finishing it. lol
 
I have no friends except for my sister. I have some family, but they know I like to keep to myself. So we don't really talk much.

I do get lonely at times and I would love to have at least one friend. I can't do much with my sister because she's a mother of two and has a life that doesn't revolve around keeping my company (unfortunately).

I used to be able to keep at least one friend for a couple of years. Then when they got tired of me, I somehow managed to find a new one. Looking back on it, not one of them were really my friends because none of them really wanted to hang out or go anywhere with me (Okay, except one. We ended up dating. He told me he loved me and I broke up with him. The feelings weren't mutual). I never realized these people weren't my actual friends because I never really liked going out. We would just spend hours on the phone with each other. Not even talking, but doing our own thing.
 
Kirsty said:
Thank you, Kestrel. I do love lilies of any colour. They're my fave! Have recently painted this. Not sure what type of flower it is. Was out at the local botanics recently and seen these. I discovered I wrote down the wrong plant name after googling it and couldn't find another sign at the time so don't know what they're called. View attachment 18963
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Lovely painting! :)
 
Adora said:
I'm married but I don't have any friends of my own,it's very hard for me to connect with people and to form a bond I have tried in the past to have friends but it doesn't work out so I have gotten very use to the idea of not having friends,yes I do sometimes wish that I could at least have one friend but then I have gotten very accustomed to how my life is,its not what I desire but I just got to keep going and not worry about it since worrying hasn't done me any good in the past.
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I think exactly like you I could have written the same word by word (apart from being married which will never happen for me)
 
I just lost my close friend, and don't have any others I keep in contact with. She had been helping me in my business for years. Her boyfriend died last year, and since then we had become better friends. I always expected that she would get a new boyfriend, but apparently she was wanting me to be her new boyfriend. I'm still working out the details since she really hasn't told me anything, but apparently she got a new boyfriend about 3 months ago. Then about a month ago she told me that since she couldn't get me to leave my wife, she was going to do what was good for her. Seriously? There had never been any talk like that, and even though she is (was?) my best friend, she's not someone I would leave my wife for. I hope she is happy. Her new boyfriend is a lucky guy. She has pretty much stopped communicating with me.
What I wasn't expecting is the depression that hit me. I think that was caused by a combination of several things. I lost my friend and working partner, and I'll be working alone from now on. It's lonely working alone when we had worked as a team for years. I don't have other friends. I'm an empty nester. My parents are aging, and I'm nearing retirement. I can see where it is possible I will have no friends or family in the next few years.
 
Destination Unknown Ugh, I'm so sorry that happened to you. :emojiconfused:

I've been engaging in some interesting discussions lately about the importance of direct and honest communication in personal relationships, and especially with autistic people because we're much less like to pick up on whatever subtle communication NTs engage in effectively with each other. I agree with that premise a lot. But unfortunately, directness isn't all that encouraged in our culture, or something like that. It's super frustrating.
 
Recently realized that I think of friendship differently than most people I've been friends with over the years. Janet was my first best friend as a child, we spent many years together, each summer we were inseparable and then in a very short time another girl came along and that friendship was over.

Even now, many years later I'm saddened by the loss of this best friend. Friends, it seems to me are for life, and she betrayed our friendship those many years ago. I'm so innately loyal that I would have have done anything for Janet.

People in general have disappointed me since that first childish betrayal, and I've had many friendships over the years. Work and school friendships, mothering relationships, acquaintance and business friendships, vacation friends. They were helpful and pleasant for the time they lasted; people move, go off to school, change jobs, travel, marry, have children.

I've learned to accept that friendships have an expiry date under certain circumstances, and that very few people think of friendship in the way I do. My longest friendship has been with my spouse, and he's not disappointed me with his commitment and his loyalty.
 
Kirsty, you sound quite a bit like me. I have no friends and I'm estranged from my family. Well, my parents weren't close to their families, and most of my relatives didn't even know I existed until I was 20 years old. Yes, really. My mother has been dead for 12 years and I haven't spoken to my father in even longer than that. I have a half-sister I've never met or even seen a photo of, and I have a brother who is an abusive monster, and I stopped talking to him ten years ago.

Well, with THAT family environment, I guess it's no wonder that I have trouble bonding with people. I've had friends that I felt were close friends and they meant the world to me, but they always seem to get irritated with me and stop talking to me suddenly. I'm not saying that they didn't deserve to be mad at me, but I honest-to-God have no idea why I time and time again make friends who just cut me off suddenly without explanation.

More recently, I've distanced myself from a friend. We were best friends but haven't hung out in person in almost a year. She's my only friend, too! I have my reasons for this and for once I am the one creating distance. It's not really her fault, though. I'm just in a bad place.

I'm very self-conscious about a couple of things that are going on right now, and that has led me to retreat.

I also don't "date" or whatever the kids are calling it nowadays.

I've just had a rather lonesome life.
 
BlueConundrum said:
Kirsty, you sound quite a bit like me. I have no friends and I'm estranged from my family. Well, my parents weren't close to their families, and most of my relatives didn't even know I existed until I was 20 years old. Yes, really. My mother has been dead for 12 years and I haven't spoken to my father in even longer than that. I have a half-sister I've never met or even seen a photo of, and I have a brother who is an abusive monster, and I stopped talking to him ten years ago.

Well, with THAT family environment, I guess it's no wonder that I have trouble bonding with people. I've had friends that I felt were close friends and they meant the world to me, but they always seem to get irritated with me and stop talking to me suddenly. I'm not saying that they didn't deserve to be mad at me, but I honest-to-God have no idea why I time and time again make friends who just cut me off suddenly without explanation.

More recently, I've distanced myself from a friend. We were best friends but haven't hung out in person in almost a year. She's my only friend, too! I have my reasons for this and for once I am the one creating distance. It's not really her fault, though. I'm just in a bad place.

I'm very self-conscious about a couple of things that are going on right now, and that has led me to retreat.

I also don't "date" or whatever the kids are calling it nowadays.

I've just had a rather lonesome life.
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Oh, BlueConundrum! Big hugs to you. Yes we sound very similar indeed! I miss my one and only friend...she left me, but it wasn't my fault as she is ill, bless her. I'm no longer angry at her. We have each other in this community. We're your tribe.

I have seen my dad recently, but only after a wee argument about me saying I didn't want his wife there. I just ignored her, but it's such an energy drainer as she's such a negative and unfeeling person. Sometimes I think it is better to be alone.
 
Yeah. Technically my blood relations haven't disowned me, but if being around them means being constantly subject to verbal ridicule, having no space to express myself and what I actually think about things without criticism, and being told that I must never appear in public with their friends or anyone else in their life because I am not to officially exist, I'm pretty sure that's their attempts to send me "subtle cues" telling me to get lost in lieu of issuing a direct statement, since for some reason most people don't like to be direct about information that can be hurtful.

By doing this they can technically argue that I chose to not have a relationship with them, and take no responsibility for their own actions. I know what that's all about. That's bull.

Out of all the ways that I've been disadvantaged in my life, at this point I feel that the lack of family support is the biggest one. I've never felt any of the "my parents don't love me and that eff-d up my mental health for the rest of my life", because frankly I've never developed any kind of attachment to them as individuals and for most of my childhood I had a hard time even respecting them because I agreed with none of their life choices. But, there is something (a LOT of things) to be said about a) having a consistent presence in your life, that you can count on, in this day and age where just about every friend you make will drift off at some point, and b) individuals who are willing to lend temporary assistance in a practical way, not just being someone who can listen and stuff, when push really comes to shove. Those things are huge. Not having them, not having that safety net, knowing that if I lose my job for long enough I will end up on the street and at that point all of the friends I've made will abandon me because I will be an emotional drain on them and they're not invested enough to stay -- that is something that is at the back of my mind at all times, in every decision I make. Something that so many people seem to take for granted.
 
I am married and my wife is my only friend. I used to have friends through hobbies and church, but they were quite limited friendships. I feel I need friends to satisfy my wife's need for he to have friends! There us a song by Anthony Newley called "I'm all I need". See if you can find it on YouTube or Spotify. Very apt!
 
Gordy, sounds like a good match up. You don't have the "stress" of managing your own friends, but at the same time, the friends that your wife makes can possibly help you for things you might not be able to really do on your own.
 
paloftoon said:
Gordy, sounds like a good match up. You don't have the "stress" of managing your own friends, but at the same time, the friends that your wife makes can possibly help you for things you might not be able to really do on your own.
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I suppose so but the socialising can be very tiring. Just had a weeks holiday with her side of the family and the constant socialising wore me out. Have two weeks in the USA in October in similar circumstances. If it was just us I could set a new routine and I find that works, but when you have so many people's requirements to take account of its difficult. We can't just do our own thing - which works for us. I do find travel difficult. USA is easier because there is no language difficulty.
 
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