No Friends or Family

[Jacoby]

So is there anyone else who have no local friends? I find it very hard to start relationships of any kind. When I do, which is rare, they never last long. Usually, people leave me. I don't mind being alone, but it hurts to be rejected in any form or fashion. I like to have the time to myself, but can only see the world through one perspective and can get lost inside my own head/thoughts. A hug now and again would probably do me the world of good, but any physical human contact for a long period of time can make me feel uncomfortable just because I'm not used to it. I have come back to this forum as a place of support; to vent things out. It's better than keeping things in. I'm generally a happy and strong person, but it sucks at times doing everything alone. I do a lot alone. I go out and enjoy nature (not so much at this time of year because of hayfever lol), sometimes I'll take with me my portable easel and chair so I can paint the flowers in public, go out for a Starbucks or something. Shopping doesn't really excite me, just adds stress with town being busy full of couples, etc, and me wondering about usually aimlessly trying to fill in that void of being lonely. There are many things to do to make me happy, but there comes a point when it's just too much being alone. I'm not ready for having an intimate relationship until I have worked on myself and own happiness/peace. I don't get on with my family so I have chosen to distance myself from them as much as I can for my own sanity.

It's pretty much the same, I live with my brother right now but we'll be splitting up next year and I'll probably live alone again. I have my immediate family but there is A LOT of drama to the point that my issues are completely overshadowed and I just don't want to be around that. I moved from the other side of the country a couple years ago, I don't know anybody. I'm going to school now but things aren't any better, I feel worse to be honest being around all these seemingly happy people. I'm afraid to let people close to me, I'm afraid of "exposing" myself in any way and being humiliated/rejected. Its a self esteem and confidence problem, I hate myself so why would anybody else like me? I can boost myself materially and try to gain some semblance of functionality but I don't think I can ever be happy as isolated as I am.

 

[Kirsty]

I'm afraid to let people close to me, I'm afraid of "exposing" myself in any way and being humiliated/rejected. Its a self esteem and confidence problem

Yeah this sounds a lot like me, especially when meeting people for the first time. I tend to feel closed up and find it hard to communicate which is not great for first impressions, but I can't help it. It's embarrassing for me and awkward for the people I visit. It happened couple of nights ago when I was round at a client's house for the first time out of my work environment for dinner and a chat. At work I have a mask on (metaphorically speaking) and at home I can be myself so when visiting others out of my own surroundings, it is a real and usually exhausting effort mentally to socialize. At work my day is structured and I am scripted there so it's easier to talk to people, but being off guard almost paralyzes me and I feel so vulnerable inside. I am used to being on my own so it's double the effort for me to connect with others. Even if I wasn't alone, I know this would still be challenging for me.

 

[DC1346]

So is there anyone else who have no local friends? I find it very hard to start relationships of any kind. When I do, which is rare, they never last long. Usually, people leave me. I don't mind being alone, but it hurts to be rejected in any form or fashion ... I'm generally a happy and strong person, but it sucks at times doing everything alone. I do a lot alone.

I'm a reclusive introvert. I have never understood the need for social intimacy. NT emotions are convoluted and messy. I also don't understand their sense of humor.

I took a transfer and moved to a rural community last summer. I didn't know anyone here but that was nothing new. I've lived all over the world and have rarely known anyone in any of the states or countries I moved to.

For some reason, my department chair seems to like me. I don't understand why. He periodically drops by my room after school to see how I'm doing. I appreciate his checking up on me but don't understand his motivation ... unless it's because I feed him. I am after all a Culinary Arts teacher. I wonder if my department chair is like a stray cat. Michelle Pillow once said, "I'm like a stray cat. If you feed me, I don't leave.” I wonder if department chairs are the same way? I will have to think about this.

Regarding your situation, if you don't mind being alone, why do you have a fear of rejection? That seems contradictory.

With this being said, why not join a volunteer group or club that aligns with your personal interests? It's a lot easier to talk to others when you have something in common. Shared interests would seem to be a good foundation for building friendships.

 

[garnetflower13]

Regarding your situation, if you don't mind being alone, why do you have a fear of rejection? That seems contradictory.

I can relate to the OP in this aspect. Speaking only for myself, I don't mind spending a lot of time alone, but I also fear rejection. Often I will choose to be alone rather than seek out people who might reject me. So I don't find this contradictory at all; it explains it perfectly.

 

[Kirsty]

Imagine living without the fear of loving and not being loved. You are no longer afraid to be rejected, and you don't have the need to be accepted.

~don Miguel Ruiz

 

[DC1346]

Imagine living without the fear of loving and not being loved. You are no longer afraid to be rejected, and you don't have the need to be accepted.

I don't understand. Why would I want to imagine this? If I had to imagine anything, I would rather imagine myself as a reclusive billionaire.

I recently saw this yacht on the internet. It reminded me of a cousin I have who grew up as a trust fund baby. He has spent his life yachting between California and Mexico. If he gets lonely, he invites yacht "bunnies" on board. There is apparently a subculture of young attractive women who bum rides on yachts with wealthy men.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to live a life of total idleness. It seems boring and pointless.

 

[Maelstrom]

I don't understand. Why would I want to imagine this? If I had to imagine anything, I would rather imagine myself as a reclusive billionaire.

I recently saw this yacht on the internet. It reminded me of a cousin I have who grew up as a trust fund baby. He has spent his life yachting between California and Mexico. If he gets lonely, he invites yacht "bunnies" on board. There is apparently a subculture of young attractive women who bum rides on yachts with wealthy men.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to live a life of total idleness. It seems boring and pointless.

View attachment 20880

Being a ships Captain is more work than you think there is always something to do, something to repair, something to be put in its place just right for the next voyage, charts and navigation books to study, sailing isn't like living in a house you have to think of and prepare for everything in advance....the ocean never forgives those caught napping...one uncoiled line can send your boat to the bottom at the wrong moment.

 

[Kirsty]

You sound pretty well balanced and it seems like you're doing your best to stay happy and healthy. Good on you!

Thank you! This has put a smile on my face. Thanks for the support. It's good you have close family members to go to at times.

 

[Maelstrom]

I just do everything first now on friendship, I start with hellos and work up slowly with small bits of conversation. Some people respond, and some don't and I move on. But mostly everyone is chicken on initiating friendship stuff, even the socially adept NTs, they all just stand around waiting for the other person to make the first move.
I wasn't born outgoing, I was a total wall flower, but if you want anything good in life you have to pick up the harpoon and go hunt it down. That's the bottom line, figure out what you want in life and make it happen or die trying.

Just go do it....if it doesn't work the first time, try a different way.

 

[Suiseiseki]

My parents both live very far away so I don't see them very much.
I have no desire to live where either of them live and they know that and I've no idea how they feel about it, not that I care. They wanted to be in those places, I didn't.
My friends, what few I have, are wrapped up in their own lives, all of them are in relationships so I don't hang out with them much, their lives are very different then mine and at first they tried to include me in things but I seldom see them anymore.
It will eventually all fizzle out and I'll move on.

 

[Brony714]

Where 'm currently living, all my friends are far away, as well as the family I care to associate with... the only family where I am now I really care to spend any time with is my mother... Unfortunately, I also have a sister who lives in the same town as I do, but both she and her husband can kiss me where the sun don't shine...

 

[Brony714]

Meetups haven't worked for me. Somehow I stick out, even among strangers.

I know the feeling... In social situations, I could be in a crowd of people who all have the same interests as me, as well as people I've known for years, and I would still feel like an outsider...

 

[Lee954]

I only really have one friend who I see regularly. I have a bit of contact with my family, but not much. I've been allocated a couple of support workers by Social Services which helps...but I'd rather have a life; a job, friends, and an intimate relationship.

 

[Kirsty]

I only really have one friend who I see regularly. I have a bit of contact with my family, but not much.

Same. I only see family once a year. I have been very fortunate to have made one friend since creating this thread. We meet now once a week for a coffee. (Usually in Starbucks) We met at college.

 

[QuestorThews]

Same. I only see family once a year. I have been very fortunate to have made one friend since creating this thread. We meet now once a week for a coffee. (Usually in Starbucks) We met at college.

Is your friend an Aspie too?

 

[kevin mao]

So is there anyone else who have no local friends? I find it very hard to start relationships of any kind. When I do, which is rare, they never last long. Usually, people leave me. I don't mind being alone, but it hurts to be rejected in any form or fashion. I like to have the time to myself, but can only see the world through one perspective and can get lost inside my own head/thoughts. A hug now and again would probably do me the world of good, but any physical human contact for a long period of time can make me feel uncomfortable just because I'm not used to it. I have come back to this forum as a place of support; to vent things out. It's better than keeping things in. I'm generally a happy and strong person, but it sucks at times doing everything alone. I do a lot alone. I go out and enjoy nature (not so much at this time of year because of hayfever lol), sometimes I'll take with me my portable easel and chair so I can paint the flowers in public, go out for a Starbucks or something. Shopping doesn't really excite me, just adds stress with town being busy full of couples, etc, and me wondering about usually aimlessly trying to fill in that void of being lonely. There are many things to do to make me happy, but there comes a point when it's just too much being alone. I'm not ready for having an intimate relationship until I have worked on myself and own happiness/peace. I don't get on with my family so I have chosen to distance myself from them as much as I can for my own sanity.

I do have friends but I'm just not interested in making them. The one advice that I can give you is to hang tough. You need to realize that your current situation is not forever and that if you keep grinding, then you will eventually make it out. Trust me on this one, man.

 

[Kirsty]

Is your friend an Aspie too?

I think she might be.

 

[Kirsty]

The one advice that I can give you is to hang tough. You need to realize that your current situation is not forever and that if you keep grinding, then you will eventually make it out. Trust me on this one, man.

Thank you so much. It is really what I needed to hear today. Have taken note of this in case I forget.

 

[kevin mao]

Thank you so much. It is really what I needed to hear today. Have taken note of this in case I forget.

just do what you are supposed to do