Share good puns and jokes.

[Princess Viola]

Why shouldn't you date a tennis player?

Because love means nothing to them.

 

[tazz]

I don't know if it qualifies as a joke (I think it's funny though) but when I went to visit Seattle a few years ago, the locals told me that "the rainy season is from early September to late August."

Reminds me of my travels around Norway, where the locals say that there are only two seasons in Norway... Winter... and construction.

 

[Kisa the tea]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Crossbreed]

A person was up in a tree reading a book while another was on the ground, next to the tree, composing a novel on their laptop.

A lion comes by and eats the person in the tree, neglecting the one on the ground.

Spoiler: But why...?

Because readers digest, but writers cramp!

 

[maycontainthunder]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Kisa the tea]

My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse. I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.

Spoiler

I know he means well.

 

[VictorR]

 

[VictorR]

Why did the dentist's marriage to the cosmetologist go awry?

Spoiler: Do you really want to find out?

They were fighting tooth and nail

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Luca]

Did you hear about the constipated composer?

Spoiler: Answer

He had problems with his last movement.

 

[Luca]

Spoiler: You have been warned, this one is really gross!

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
...
He worked it out with a pencil.

 

[Progster]

Did you hear about the constipated composer?

Spoiler: Answer

He had problems with his last movement.

It's similar to another version I know: what is brown and sits on a piano stool steaming?
Beethoven's last movement.
Or, what can you find next to Beethoven's piano?
Beethoven's stool. (I just made that last one up).

 

[maycontainthunder]

 

[Crossbreed]

Panda-monium​

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"I'm a panda," he says at the door. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots & leaves."

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Metalhead]