Share good puns and jokes.

[Metalhead]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Crossbreed]

Speaking of "Baby Got Back,..."

Baby Got Book! Dan Smith (2007)

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

View attachment 129349

I want to put down a doormat with a note on the wall saying “Don’t waste your time. There’s no key under the mat,” and underneath the mat is another note that says “I told you there was no key. Why don’t you listen to instructions?” I bet that’d confuse would be burglars and I get the last laugh because I subverted the expectation of leaving a key underneath a doormat.

 

[Shevek]

I want to put down a doormat with a note on the wall saying “Don’t waste your time. There’s no key under the mat,” and underneath the mat is another note that says “I told you there was no key. Why don’t you listen to instructions?” I bet that’d confuse would be burglars and I get the last laugh because I subverted the expectation of leaving a key underneath a doormat.

Leave the wrong key.

 

[Metalhead]

Leave the wrong key.

Leave a key of cocaine for them to steal, then call the cops on them.

I have the most brilliant ideas.

 

[Crossbreed]

I want to put down a doormat with a note on the wall saying “Don’t waste your time. There’s no key under the mat,” and underneath the mat is another note that says “I told you there was no key. Why don’t you listen to instructions?” I bet that’d confuse would be burglars and I get the last laugh because I subverted the expectation of leaving a key underneath a doormat.

Leave the key behind the first note...

 

[Misty Avich]

Paddy and Mick were going on a long road trip on a really hot day. Paddy was driving. But it was so hot that Paddy got thirsty, so they stopped off at a cafe. Paddy ordered a cake.
"How come you haven't ordered a drink? I thought you said you were thirsty?" asked Mick.
"I am," said Paddy, "but you know the law, it's illegal to drink and drive."

 

[Nervous Rex]

Leave the wrong key.

But put a tag on the key with a different address written on it... the address to a police station.

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Misty Avich]

Doctor, can you give me something for water on the knee?

Certainly, here's a paper towel

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Crossbreed]

Someone on another forum referred to covid as "Kung Flu...!"

 

[Misty Avich]

A man just criticised milk. How dairy.

 

[Misty Avich]

Paddy came into the hardware store with a number 6 and said to the clerk, "my friend, Mick, bought me this but I'll have to return it."
"What's wrong with it?" asked the clerk.
"Well," explained Paddy, "I live at number 9."

 

[Misty Avich]

Paddy saw the grim reaper. "Why are you here?" he asked, nervously.
"I'm death," replied the grim reaper.
"Sorry, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Misty Avich]

Paddy had opened up a store. He put a sign up saying "DO NOT STEAL".
"Why do you have a sign like that?" asked Mick.
"Because I haven't got the security cameras and alarms fixed up yet," replied Paddy.