Share good puns and jokes.

[Princess Viola]

I'm on a seafood diet.

I see food, I eat it.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

These are my summer diamonds. Some are diamonds and some are not!

 

[tree]

 

[Misty Avich]

Paddy had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and he cheered delightfully. Mick frowned and said, "it says 4 years' on there, why are you so excited?"
"Because!" said Paddy, "it only took me 4 weeks!"

 

[blue_bird]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[tree]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

 

[Crossbreed]

I look forward to a day when a chicken can cross the road without having his or her motives questioned...!

 

[tree]

 

[Crossbreed]

I like the gag,

Frank: What is the date, today?
Ernest: I don't know. Let's check out that newspaper...
Frank: This is no help. It's yesterday's...!

 

[NoKipAr on the run]

let me know if this is innaproprite:

A Gay man walks into a church and asks the preist: "is all that true in the bible about
God? hating LGBT?"

"no." says the preist "it was a mistranslation. the bible meant to say Thou shall not
drive up to a local Chuck E. Cheese in a white unmarked van."

 

[tree]

 

[Princess Viola]

In Russia, coffins used to have to pipes for air and a bell with a string, in case someone was buried alive, they could breathe through the pipe and ring the bell to get attention.

One day, while an undertaker was walking through the cemetery, he hears a bell ring. He goes over to check and makes sure there is no wind.

The undertaker asks, 'Are you Lady Ivanova?'

The voice from the coffin says 'Da!'

'Born during the winter of 1913?'

'Da!'

'Your grave says you died on 17 May 1965'

'Nyet, I am still alive! Get me out of here!'

'Sorry, but it is November. Ground is frozen, you must wait for June, ground will be thawed then'

And the woman was a true Russian and she waited for June.

 

[Crossbreed]

That joke confuses me.
If we are to believe that she survived six months without food or water (in the context of the joke), why would we question her patience until June?

Also, if May '65 was thawed enough to bury her, why wouldn't May --not June-- '66 be thawed enough to unbury her...?

 

[Metalhead]

 

[Crossbreed]

And it is highly addictive...!