Should I suicide if no-one cares or loves me in life?

[TheFreeCat]

Aspies have so many very unique and special gifts and only a small percentage of us are ever able to use them. I get that. I better bail or I will want to chew the barrel next................

 

[Pats]

@Pats I live in Canton, I was forced moved earlier this year because of an unfortunate situation. Lost one of the only friends I had in person and it sucks living in a new place and having no friends.

So near Detroit.
I moved around a lot in my younger days - never knew how to make friends, so never had any friends. Even once I moved to NC and lived for 20 years I didn't make friends, except near the last few years of living there. Then I moved to Ga and never made friends at work, but started going back to church and felt like I was making friends there but ended up moving again - to a different part of NC, and here I am again.
What do you enjoy doing?

 

[guitarandtattoos]

I better bail or I will want to chew the barrel next.

@TheFreeCat I'd rather we just talk. I don't want this thread to influence you or anyone else to do anything like that. I was just posting my vulnerabilities. I wish we could all be there for each other and everyone was happy. I Wish none of us had to feel bad.

 

[guitarandtattoos]

What do you enjoy doing?

@Pats Right now just playing guitar and drinking, sometimes video games if someone else wants to play.

 

[ftfipps]

Do what you love doing as much as you can. Don't worry about having material stuff and you can get friends, that Is so easy. I know it's hard sometimes, man. You check out when it's your time to go. Milk society for all it's worth. I LOVE not being part of society. It is very liberating. I refuse to get a job that is leagues below me. I am going to do what I want, all the time.

 

[Pats]

I love the guitar. Have you ever played the harmonica? I'm asking for a reason - I need help from an aspie. I picked one up a few weeks ago and it seems like I could learn to play it - my problem is covering the holes that I'm not using.

 

[guitarandtattoos]

Don't worry about having material stuff and you can get friends, that Is so easy.

@ftfipps I never have been that kind of person. I think the time spent with people, learning from people and enjoying and caring/loving them is what matters. Despite anxiety and being introverted and having poor social skills, stigmas and most people pre-concieved ideas.

Unfortunately materials and assets are seen as a person's value in society. It shouldn't be that way but it is but I think who a person is is more important than what they do or don't have. It can all be taken away at any moment. I know from experience.

Just seems very hurtful that most don't want anything to do with you unless you can give them something material of value.

Also, alot are fickle and if one thing goes against what they think you are crap to them. I don't understand that. Not everyone has to agree with me but there should be a mutual respect, tolerance and even love because we are all human.

 

[guitarandtattoos]

I love the guitar. Have you ever played the harmonica? I'm asking for a reason - I need help from an aspie. I picked one up a few weeks ago and it seems like I could learn to play it - my problem is covering the holes that I'm not using.

@Pats I don't know how to play the harmonica. But, when you learn it we can play some Neil Young or Bob Dylan.

 

[ftfipps]

I bet you use more of your brain than most people and I'm NOT patronizing you. You are intelligent, basically a genius and so am I. THAT is why you don't have people skills.We are hurt because people can run their gobs nonstop and act buddy buddy with others to get further along in life. It ain't all roses for them, either! You understand me. I understand you. There is beauty in that. the majority of people are on anti-depressants now. You are a sane, rational human being. They are not.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Death is permanent. Life is not. Choose life.

 

[dragstone]

there is no motivating love factor.

I'm not here to convince you of anything because I can't. I know that because I was suicidal at times. There is nothing anyone could have said to me that would make any difference when I was in that state of mind.

But I will comment on love. That is something I struggle with but in a different way than you. I tend not to have feelings for most people. This includes family members. I will do what I must out of some sense of obligation but that's it. I do have feelings for my partner. I don't have friends nor do I desire to have them, at least not in the way that most people do. Being here is a way for me to interact at a distance, which is what I prefer when considering "friendship". I'm not completely sure why this is and I don't think autism fully explains it. I don't really form attachments outside of romantic interest.

So, coming from a seemingly opposite angle as you, what I might recommend is to let go of any expectations for love. If it happens, great. If not, oh well. I'm a guy on an online forum. No I don't know you and I don't love you. It would be ridiculous to say so. If you love yourself as you stated you do, then that must be enough. I say must because expecting it to be returned to you and depending on others to fill that need is not sustainable. Unfortunately, most people you encounter in your life will not be loving to you. Cordial towards you and affording common decency, yes, but not love.

I realize you said that no one owes you anything. But the sadness that you get is not having any returned to you. There is still an expectation there.

 

[guitarandtattoos]

most people you encounter in your life will not be loving to you

@dragstone I guess I just find that as an issue because I love everyone even ones that have done me wrong. if someone is hating it has to be something they're going through because I don't see a reason to just dislike someone for no reason or hate them.

Even if there's a reason there are resolutions that can be made to make the experience better or try to understand the situation to make it better. There's an opportunity and room to learn from everyone in life and knowledge should be something we all love so the knowledge from others they can teach you should be enough reason to love them.

 

[dragstone]

@dragstone I guess I just find that as an issue because I love everyone even ones that have done me wrong.. Even if there's a reason there are resolutions that can be made to make the experience better or try to understand the situation to make it better.

Therein lies the problem. Love is not unconditional. Anyone who says it is is not being honest. I wouldn't love someone who screwed me over and continues to do so. People make mistakes but intentional harm? No way. I certainly don't love people who hate me and wish ill of me.

There are some really nasty people out there. You can't reason with them. You're not likely to understand them and they have no interest in providing insight into their behavior. If you love those kinds of people, you will get taken advantage of.

Because there are those kinds of people in the world, in addition to the disinterested or otherwise unknown/indifferent to you, you cannot expect love to be returned. I think that is the issue. If you're feeling suicidal because you're expecting love, you will continue to be suicidal or at least not in a good mindset.

 

[guitarandtattoos]

Therein lies the problem. Love is not unconditional. Anyone who says it is is not being honest. I wouldn't love someone who screwed me over and continues to do so. People make mistakes but intentional harm? No way. I certainly don't love people who hate me and wish ill of me.

There are some really nasty people out there. You can't reason with them. You're not likely to understand them and they have no interest in providing insight into their behavior. If you love those kinds of people, you will get taken advantage of.

Because there are those kinds of people in the world, in addition to the disinterested or otherwise unknown/indifferent to you, you cannot expect love to be returned. I think that is the issue. If you're feeling suicidal because you're expecting love, you will continue to be suicidal or at least not in a good mindset.

@dragstone I can accept that not everyone will agree with me or think the same way I do about things or believe the same things I do. But I think loving and not expecting the same in return would actually perpetuate someone thinking it's okay to do anything they want or treat someone anyway they want.

But, maybe we should define specific loves in the future so there's no confusion. For the most part I try to treat others the way I want to be treated. There are times I'm an asshole and do wrong because I'm not perfect and I will always make mistakes.

I guess I just don't understand why you would hate anyone and not do good to those that do good to you. I can understand being very angry about situations and I understand protecting yourself from those who are dangerous to your well-being.

I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting love in return. But then that makes me wonder if I really do love unconditionally and if wanting love back is in fact a condition. But, I thought that's just how it's suppose to go. If you show love to someone one they should show love to you.

 

[Mycroft.Holmes]

Hi,

I am sorry to hear about how you feel. personally, I have been close to suicide multiple times in the last years. So I can relate to you in that way. I can tell you that Live is worth living and all that (and I believe it is.) But other people have allready told you. So, I think that looking at your issues and finding some logical solutions for it is the best thing to do for me.

Just to summarise some of the issues you have.
-feelings of loneliness
-hopelessness

I will try and find some solutions for those issues first.

I think that you feeling a bit hopeless is linkt to your feelings of loneliness. I have read this and some other post of you and I can see that your are a very loving and kind person. I do admire those trait in people. You also stated that you love unconditionally, A dog is great for that. I do not know if you have any pets but if you dont I think it would be a very great step for you.
Further than that, If you want to help people I recommend charity work. It lets you help people, which makes you feel better and you will work and meet with other people who are also kind and helpfull like you are. In the very least it will give you a better feeling on the future and on yourself.

Also, Therapy is good to talk about stuff and find solutions for it.

Anyway, This is the stuff I could think of at this moment. I just hope you are feeling better soon and that these or other tips work for you.

 

[Mathalamus]

I would choose to live. dying removes all opportunity to make things better. and things will get better eventually. i was once in your situation, so i just did what i do best: find new friends.

of course, if you want to die anyway.... well, there isnt much i can do or say.

 

[guitarandtattoos]

Hi,

I am sorry to hear about how you feel. personally, I have been close to suicide multiple times in the last years. So I can relate to you in that way. I can tell you that Live is worth living and all that (and I believe it is.) But other people have allready told you. So, I think that looking at your issues and finding some logical solutions for it is the best thing to do for me.

Just to summarise some of the issues you have.
-feelings of loneliness
-hopelessness

I will try and find some solutions for those issues first.

I think that you feeling a bit hopeless is linkt to your feelings of loneliness. I have read this and some other post of you and I can see that your are a very loving and kind person. I do admire those trait in people. You also stated that you love unconditionally, A dog is great for that. I do not know if you have any pets but if you dont I think it would be a very great step for you.
Further than that, If you want to help people I recommend charity work. It lets you help people, which makes you feel better and you will work and meet with other people who are also kind and helpfull like you are. In the very least it will give you a better feeling on the future and on yourself.

Also, Therapy is good to talk about stuff and find solutions for it.

Anyway, This is the stuff I could think of at this moment. I just hope you are feeling better soon and that these or other tips work for you.

@Mycroft.Holmes Nah, I don't have any pets. I lost 2 dogs and everything I owned in a fire earlier this year and I may legit be done with owning any pets in general for the rest of my life.

Charity isn't a bad idea but I'm homebound at the moment. Definitely not interested in therapy. Me personally I feel an overwhelming stigma when with that kind of thing and it's a perpetuation of social anxiety.

 

[SusanLR]

I go on living because it isn't permenant. And I don't know what death is like, oblivion or a continued
consciousness.
It's like a roller coaster ride and I may as well ride it out. Especially at my age.
Although I always said I can say Stop the world I want to get off if I really decided to.

I don't see the world as a loving place either. Everyone in peace and happiness would be the ideal.
Just don't see that happening.

I thought the first response that you replied F U man to was just the straight forward facts.
It is a personel decision for anyone.

 

[Moomin]

Suicide is a coward’s way out. It’s a selfish action. A permanent hasty decision to something that can be defeated. Even if it takes a while.

I say this as someone who has battled with depression, and with suicidal feelings and have in the past made actions to just end it all. I have even lost a friend to suicide, and that still saddens me, even after several years. Because that could easily have been me, and the aftermath was terrible afterwards, it had a ripple effect across a community, even if people didn’t know my friend they were still affected by it. I still experience suicidal thoughts, I still self harm. I’m still experiencing depression. It’s not an easy battle. Like depression, a real depression, can be an uphill battle made even harder with additional factors that continue to batter down. And yet, the uphil battle has to be worth it in the end. People say that life is what you make it, and in some way I agree with this saying. Sometimes you have to keep trying to reach for the light. There has to be something better. Life is not idealistic. It isn’t fantasy. As clichéd as it’ll sound, life will always have its ups and downs. Some people have it way harder than any of us. Others seemingly sail through life. My depression does go to very dark places where I’m always left wondering if life would be better if I wasn’t around, it’s not logical and how would I know that life would be better after I’ve removed myself from life? I’d be dead. And that’s it. It’s not easy. It can become extremely difficult, but even if it’s very hard at times, by overcoming obstacles (and life brings a lot of them), to keep fighting for it is worth it because life does get better. It’s changeable. To give up, is cowardly because there will be times when dark gives way to light, something that is only achieved if you’re strong enough to face it and fight it. It’s selfish, because there always is a ripple effect. You say that you have no family or friends but even if they aren’t in your life right now, they’ll still care. You just won’t be around to see that.

I take a day at a time. If it’s a really bad day, and I struggle, do nothing except to find (and I have to do this as a way of finding something good) something anything good that has happened in the day, even if it is as small as “ I got up today “.

This has been difficult for me to write, and this has gone through several variations... I don’t like to focus on my own struggles with mental health, suicidal thoughts and my lost friend who was kind to me when I needed it the most, who gave me her friendship without expectations. I live for my cats. I’m beginning to live for me. To accept and love myself, although that’s still a difficult concept to achieve. But I’m determined. Stubborn. And I’ll keep trying to fight.

 

[guitarandtattoos]

Suicide is a coward’s way out. It’s a selfish action. A permanent hasty decision to something that can be defeated. Even if it takes a while.

I say this as someone who has battled with depression, and with suicidal feelings and have in the past made actions to just end it all. I have even lost a friend to suicide, and that still saddens me, even after several years. Because that could easily have been me, and the aftermath was terrible afterwards, it had a ripple effect across a community, even if people didn’t know my friend they were still affected by it. I still experience suicidal thoughts, I still self harm. I’m still experiencing depression. It’s not an easy battle. Like depression, a real depression, can be an uphill battle made even harder with additional factors that continue to batter down. And yet, the uphil battle has to be worth it in the end. People say that life is what you make it, and in some way I agree with this saying. Sometimes you have to keep trying to reach for the light. There has to be something better. Life is not idealistic. It isn’t fantasy. As clichéd as it’ll sound, life will always have its ups and downs. Some people have it way harder than any of us. Others seemingly sail through life. My depression does go to very dark places where I’m always left wondering if life would be better if I wasn’t around, it’s not logical and how would I know that life would be better after I’ve removed myself from life? I’d be dead. And that’s it. It’s not easy. It can become extremely difficult, but even if it’s very hard at times, by overcoming obstacles (and life brings a lot of them), to keep fighting for it is worth it because life does get better. It’s changeable. To give up, is cowardly because there will be times when dark gives way to light, something that is only achieved if you’re strong enough to face it and fight it. It’s selfish, because there always is a ripple effect. You say that you have no family or friends but even if they aren’t in your life right now, they’ll still care. You just won’t be around to see that.

I take a day at a time. If it’s a really bad day, and I struggle, do nothing except to find (and I have to do this as a way of finding something good) something anything good that has happened in the day, even if it is as small as “ I got up today “.

This has been difficult for me to write, and this has gone through several variations... I don’t like to focus on my own struggles with mental health, suicidal thoughts and my lost friend who was kind to me when I needed it the most, who gave me her friendship without expectations. I live for my cats. I’m beginning to live for me. To accept and love myself, although that’s still a difficult concept to achieve. But I’m determined. Stubborn. And I’ll keep trying to fight.

@Moomin I did take the time to read everything you wrote despite me really not wanting to after your opening statement because I want to give you the benefit of the doubt. First I want to say thanks with sharing your personal experiences as well. You don't have to say what you've been through.

Next, I would like to say I am pretty disappointed that you continue to call suicide a cowardly way out. These types of judgments and criticism will only perpetuate someones feelings of worthlessness and who feels suicidal and it's just adding more of a reason and through ostracizing and stigma.

In my opinion you're coming off a bit ignorant and you should know better having similar experiences.

Also ,You don't know anything about my circumstances or my family or what goes on in my life so you should probably not make assumptions if they truly care about me or not. Also people that truly care about you will always be there for you not when it's just convenient for them.