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Still single

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You've heard, but for some reason it doesn't stick.

You easily remember negative stuff and repeat that to yourself.

The idea that not saying negative things to yourself could be helpful,
that idea you forget. And you think people are telling you to *pretend to
be happy.*
 
Markness said:
. . . I don’t know what will help.
Click to expand...
You have been offered innumerable suggestions, yet you are still in the exact same situation after . . . how many years?

Someone in your situation either is not trying or would be better off to accept the situation and just deal with it.
 
tree said:
You've heard, but for some reason it doesn't stick.

You easily remember negative stuff and repeat that to yourself.

The idea that not saying negative things to yourself could be helpful,
that idea you forget. And you think people are telling you to *pretend to
be happy.*
Click to expand...
I was constantly getting negative interactions at school as well as work and I was stuck at home whenever I didn’t have to go to either place since I didn’t have a vehicle.
 
To quote a movie I once saw.

"No man's mental issues are incurable. I believe the patient merely has to be willing."

It maybe not a word for word quote. But the point is this. Everything that you perceive going on is all in your head. You have stuck yourself in a feedback loop of negativity. A endless cycle of misery and suffering.

Only YOU have the capability to change this. Only if you want to.

People can give you advice till the cows come home. But none of it will mean anything, if you cannot help yourself first.

If you choose to continue wallowing and listening to your own negativity. Nothing will ever change.
 
Markness said:
I was constantly getting negative interactions at school as well as work and I was stuck at home whenever I didn’t have to go to either place since I didn’t have a vehicle.
Click to expand...
This is written in past tense: "I was...."

What time periods are you describing?
 
I've been single over a year, now, and in that time, I have noticed how much AI imaging has advanced exponentially. It's not just the new Glamour Shots and then some. It's applicable to use with video filters about flawlessly, as well. I mentioned elsewhere about digital partners seeming like a real possibility in the near future, and these advancements make it seem way more accurate of a theory. Overall, though, the issue at this point is one of deception being so easy for anyone luring another. That's kind of scary. I don't think I will be trusting "online sites" per dating at all. I'm going to be forced social and interacting to ever be sure from the very start.
 
Fino said:
In my experience and from what I've heard, you live a fulfilling, active life and you'll just encounter someone along the way. I've regularly encountered someone interested since I was fifteen, about once a year, lately every other year, but I have never sought out a relationship just for the sake of a relationship.
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From my experience this is so true! I have said here before that I had a period of existential loneliness (yes, existential!). Then I started living independently, living for myself, having successes in research and being published, and could follow my interests. I started putting together a good life and was involved in outings. Sure, it was hard being single, but I liked my life and its potential. Then I took a chance and was not looking for a relationship when I called a woman to car pool to a trail maintenance project. She evidently liked me and we started a relationship that has lasted for 45 1/2 years. Life happens when you are making other plans.
 
Apparently the past doesn’t define the future for an individual but I have read stories of men who were rejected by women all their lives. Even back when I was 17, those stories scared me. I also read multiple excerpts of the late Dr. Gilmartin’s book, Shyness and Love, at the time and that scared me even more.
 
Y

Markness said:
Apparently the past doesn’t define the future for an individual but I have read stories of men who were rejected by women all their lives. Even back when I was 17, those stories scared me. I also read multiple excerpts of the late Dr. Gilmartin’s book, Shyness and Love, at the time and that scared me even more.
Click to expand...

You were thinking right up until the word "but."
After that you dropped the idea and dragged the
past in to focus on.

How does thinking about what scared you as a boy
help the man that you are now?
 
Do you have an autobiographical-like memory, Markness? That might be why you remember and focus on the past a lot. I'm exactly the same. I am into nostalgia anyway, and the past fascinates me with how it has made up my life to date, and sometimes it's a safe place to be, where I can relive my childhood and "see" my mother, grandmother and cat again.
Buuuut it has its downsides as well. Bad memories are also stuck in my brain, and I can't help reliving the bad times as well as the good times. It seems to just be the way my brain is wired, to capture and store more memories than the average human brain can. So when people just say "stop living in the past, move on, move on!" it's really unhelpful.
 
If you're the majority race or look like you could be, you will generally get more hits of interest because people in the world generally enjoy this complexion more overall, You being a straight person, you do have more options, but you do have more competition too. There are so many people near and far you have probably not met. Most of us have some desire to be with someone romantically. Try to find someone with a similar status to you for compatibility purposes. Don't try to look for someone with a career specifically if you don't have a career type job yourself, for instance. You need to bring enough to the table so to speak, and that helps a lot. I don't sense that you have some of the uncontrollable barriers that some others might face, particularly race, but I could be wrong about that.
 
I understand you very much, and I understand that these tips like “do your hobbies” seem absurd, because it seems like an encouragement to stay at home and do your hobbies alone. I am a proponent of the fact that you need to look for a relationship if you want one. And you need to make as many attempts as possible to make at least friendly connections, you need to expand your list of contacts. For introverts, I think that communication and dating on the Internet is most suitable. Try using dating apps and chatting on sites based on your interests with an offer, for example, to draw together, we have a drawing club here where people gather once a week to draw together in a cafe, maybe you’ll find them there too. The main thing is not to distance yourself from people, but to make as many attempts as possible.
 
kityoume said:
I understand you very much, and I understand that these tips like “do your hobbies” seem absurd, because it seems like an encouragement to stay at home and do your hobbies alone. I am a proponent of the fact that you need to look for a relationship if you want one. And you need to make as many attempts as possible to make at least friendly connections, you need to expand your list of contacts. For introverts, I think that communication and dating on the Internet is most suitable. Try using dating apps and chatting on sites based on your interests with an offer, for example, to draw together, we have a drawing club here where people gather once a week to draw together in a cafe, maybe you’ll find them there too. The main thing is not to distance yourself from people, but to make as many attempts as possible.
Click to expand...
Do your hobbies??? My hobbies and interests advised my activities. I was always out fossil collecting or going to street fairs, or museums. And then I discovered Stephen Sondheim musicals. And, guess what? My spouse enjoys outdoor activities and Stephen Sondheim. We do things like spending a short visit to NYC to see two Sondheim musicals, and Hadestown, and going to the AMNH and the New Museum that had a retrospective of the Feminist Artist, Judy Chicago. Our interests have given us an interesting life together.
 
tree said:
Y



You were thinking right up until the word "but."
After that you dropped the idea and dragged the
past in to focus on.

How does thinking about what scared you as a boy
help the man that you are now?
Click to expand...
Maybe it doesn’t help but I find it difficult to counter.
 
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