The Love & Dating thread.

[Kalinychta]

Another sarcastic mindset I have is that for guys men it's basically an option or it's voluntary if they want to become good with women or just better with women or not but not the other way around though

Do you realize you say the same exact thing in every message you post? We get it: you think women are entitled princesses who have effortless love lives because we make men do all of the back-breaking romantic labor, and we should therefore be despised and belittled. Got it.

Has it occurred to you that it’s your bitter, misogynistic attitude that repels women? You don’t need a girlfriend; you need a therapist. You’re definitely the sort of man I would avoid in real life, and, to be blunt, I would fear physical danger from someone like you (boiling resentment in a man is a huge red flag to women). Work on your incel attitude, and your love life will improve.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Why would that be an unexpected case?

Do you realize you say the same exact thing in every message you post? We get it: you think women are entitled princesses who have effortless love lives because we make men do all of the back-breaking romantic labor, and we should therefore be despised and belittled. Got it.

Has it occurred to you that it’s your bitter, misogynistic attitude that repels women? You don’t need a girlfriend; you need a therapist. You’re definitely the sort of man I would avoid in real life, and, to be blunt, I would fear physical danger from someone like you (boiling resentment in a man is a huge red flag to women). Work on your incel attitude, and your love life will improve.

Yep because a man's attitude impacts his dating life more than the other way around and it's an unexpected case because for all time women have always been on the receiving end of sexual attention so because of that women always have options because they're the ones that get approached and have suitors and Men typically for all time normally never have women coming after them even men who are handsome and good looking and have a lot going for them in their life

 

[Kalinychta]

Yep because a man's attitude impacts his dating life more than the other way around and it's an unexpected case because for all time women have always been on the receiving end of sexual attention so because of that women always have options because they're the ones that get approached and have suitors and Men typically for all time normally never have women coming after them even men who are handsome and good looking and have a lot going for them in their life

If I had a dollar for every time you’ve said these exact same things on this and other threads, I could go to Starbucks twice a day for the next three months. I’m dropping it now, but I strongly encourage you to get some serious therapy for your anger and resentment and incel ideation. Living with them every day must be terrible.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

If I had a dollar for every time you’ve said these exact same things on this and other threads, I could go to Starbucks twice a day for the next three months. I’m dropping it now, but I strongly encourage you to get some serious therapy for your anger and resentment and incel ideation. Living with them every day must be terrible.

Yeah I think I explained what motivated or just what caused me to become this way in another form in this site

 

[kriss72]

Yep because a man's attitude impacts his dating life more than the other way around and it's an unexpected case because for all time women have always been on the receiving end of sexual attention so because of that women always have options because they're the ones that get approached and have suitors and Men typically for all time normally never have women coming after them even men who are handsome and good looking and have a lot going for them in their life

I'm sorry, but I can't relate to that - you don't think a women can find a man attractive and try to get him?, even the man have not shown any interest in her? You don't think women gets rejected too? Fwiw it happens all the time... sometimes men completely misses it though, and some men have an attitude that makes it hard for women to be attracted to them... btw I'm only talking from personal experience here and from what my friends have told me...

 

[Masked Man]

Yeah I think I explained what motivated or just what caused me to become this way in another form in this site

You really need to stop taking about half of the earth's population like they are all the same and have all the same experiences. It's a really bad look, my guy. It would do you, and guys like you, a whole lot of good and actually make an effort to learn about women and their ACTUAL life experiences, not just what you've seen in porn, movies, or TV shows.

When you have lived life as a woman, then you will have room to talk. Until then, you really need to stop.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I'm sorry, but I can't relate to that - you don't think a women can find a man attractive and try to get him?, even the man have not shown any interest in her? You don't think women gets rejected too? Fwiw it happens all the time... sometimes men completely misses it though, and some men have an attitude that makes it hard for women to be attracted to them... btw I'm only talking from personal experience here and from what my friends have told me...

Well one thing for sure is that there are lots of men out there who have a much better attitude than I do and even then Tony Ramirez and they have better personalities and are definitely not or just don't have an incel mindset but yet there are guys like that who still suck with women or who have never had a girlfriend before

 

[Kalinychta]

You have pegged shy guys who are inexperienced. Yes, sensitive, quirky, intellectual and a lot of my energies went into preparing myself for my future. Problem is, we were never noticed, or if I was, my autism prevented me from noticing. People told me that if I wanted to connect with a woman, all I needed to do was just go up to her. I could not even do that until I was maturing at 26: I’m so ashamed and upset about myself. I missed out on so much.

I would have liked you. You’re some sort of scientist, right? I have a thing for intellectual guys, particularly mathematicians. I had a huuuge crush on one of my math professors in college. It was so ridiculous, but kind of funny. Anyway, for what it’s worth, there were probably a lot of women who liked you. You can’t beat yourself up about the past—“it is what it is,” as the saying goes. But it sounds like you have a really nice life now and a wonderful wife.

 

[Neri]

Women do show their interest in guys they like, but, if the guys are autistic, like my guy, they may not pick up on it, especially when younger, and if they do, they might be too awkward and intimidated (again, like my guy) and run away, a lot. My guy was too shy and awkward to know what to do if approached by women. He still gets hit on, but, he's very faithful to me and now that he is getting on toward 60 he at least realises when it's happening. Women are often a lot more subtle when they like a guy, we might smile and look at the guy a bit longer than if we aren't interested, but most women just don't have the confidence to ask a guy out, even if they like him, but there are signs, if you know what to look for.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Women do show their interest in guys they like, but, if the guys are autistic, like my guy, they may not pick up on it, especially when younger, and if they do, they might be too awkward and intimidated (again, like my guy) and run away, a lot. My guy was too shy and awkward to know what to do if approached by women. He still gets hit on, but, he's very faithful to me and now that he is getting on toward 60 he at least realises when it's happening. Women are often a lot more subtle when they like a guy, we might smile and look at the guy a bit longer than if we aren't interested, but most women just don't have the confidence to ask a guy out, even if they like him, but there are signs, if you know what to look for.

Being sincere and liking yourself certainly go a long way to attracting interest. Too many people here wonder why their self-loathing isn't attracting partners. Or confuse sex with love and relationships, even if they can blend together pretty well in deeper connections.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Women do show their interest in guys they like, but, if the guys are autistic, like my guy, they may not pick up on it, especially when younger, and if they do, they might be too awkward and intimidated (again, like my guy) and run away, a lot. My guy was too shy and awkward to know what to do if approached by women. He still gets hit on, but, he's very faithful to me and now that he is getting on toward 60 he at least realises when it's happening. Women are often a lot more subtle when they like a guy, we might smile and look at the guy a bit longer than if we aren't interested, but most women just don't have the confidence to ask a guy out, even if they like him, but there are signs, if you know what to look for.

Yep this is nothing new and one of the most talked about signs or symptoms of being on the autistic spectrum is having a hard time reading social cues or body language and it makes sense as to why that will hurt men a lot more than women will in regards to dating is due to how for all time women are very subtle when it comes to indicating interest in a man and at the same time letting a man know that they're not interested.

While being upfront and point blank has been the norm expected of men for all time whether we like it or not

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I would have liked you. You’re some sort of scientist, right? I have a thing for intellectual guys, particularly mathematicians. I had a huuuge crush on one of my math professors in college. It was so ridiculous, but kind of funny. Anyway, for what it’s worth, there were probably a lot of women who liked you. You can’t beat yourself up about the past—“it is what it is,” as the saying goes. But it sounds like you have a really nice life now and a wonderful wife.

Thank you, @Kalinychta . The saddest thing is recognizing the inability to pick up social signals. When I look back, I see that through my confusions I sometimes closed off connection. Once in HS, on a Saturday a girl called me to ask questions about a lesson. Instead of picking up my book to go to her house and study together, I rattled off the answers. I now feel bad about that. Had I done the nice thing and connected I may have had the confidence to ask her out and go to the prom with a nice girl.

 

[kriss72]

Well one thing for sure is that there are lots of men out there who have a much better attitude than I do and even then Tony Ramirez and they have better personalities and are definitely not or just don't have an incel mindset but yet there are guys like that who still suck with women or who have never had a girlfriend before

It's hard to argue with that - I had a good friend some decades ago that really struggled with finding love, he was very nice and kind (at least in my ND eyes), but still there was something, maybe he tried to hard - maybe his standards were too high, or maybe he didn't see gold when it was in front of him (I heard from one of our shared friends that he found someone eventually, I lost contact many years ago...), my own experience is that sometimes you reject and sometimes you get rejected, and magic can happen even if neither person tries to make it happen, but sometimes it takes a bit of work.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Thank you, @Kalinychta . The saddest thing is recognizing the inability to pick up social signals. When I look back, I see that through my confusions I sometimes closed off connection. Once in HS, on a Saturday a girl called me to ask questions about a lesson. Instead of picking up my book to go to her house and study together, I rattled off the answers. I now feel bad about that. Had I done the nice thing and connected I may have had the confidence to ask her out and go to the prom with a nice girl.

While I've never gotten a restraining order or never been labeled a pest, I have heard sad unfortunate stories of guys with autism get labeled weird or creepy when interacting with women or just being social with women and those men had good intentions and never wanted to hurt anyone and they never meant any harm, unfortunately the way they interacted with the women made them uncomfortable and what makes me mad and angry about that is that basically guys men have to get help or guidance from other people so they know what they did wrong socially because it's not like the women are going to tell them what they did wrong.

Even though people will always say to never compare ourselves to others or comparison is the thief of joy, I share this mindset with lots of people in the world in which we are very extremely jealous of people who are very socially smart or or just people who have the social Intuition or social calibration or just very good social skills in terms of knowing how to successfully interact with people in which they don't risk getting labeled or perceived as weird or creepy or as a past or annoying.

Even though life is full of double standards it is a sign of huge unfairness and yes I'm aware there is no such thing as fairness and that is the social blunders that cause a man to get labeled weird or creepy when interacting with women if you were to flip or reverse the roles women will never risk getting thrown the creepy label or the weird label or be accused of being uncomfortable by the other sex.

But I know it should be obvious as to why it's like that

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

While I've never gotten a restraining order or never been labeled a pest, I have heard sad unfortunate stories of guys with autism get labeled weird or creepy when interacting with women or just being social with women and those men had good intentions and never wanted to hurt anyone and they never meant any harm, unfortunately the way they interacted with the women made them uncomfortable and what makes me mad and angry about that is that basically guys men have to get help or guidance from other people so they know what they did wrong socially because it's not like the women are going to tell them what they did wrong.

Even though people will always say to never compare ourselves to others or comparison is the thief of joy, I share this mindset with lots of people in the world in which we are very extremely jealous of people who are very socially smart or or just people who have the social Intuition or social calibration or just very good social skills in terms of knowing how to successfully interact with people in which they don't risk getting labeled or perceived as weird or creepy or as a past or annoying.

Even though life is full of double standards it is a sign of huge unfairness and yes I'm aware there is no such thing as fairness and that is the social blunders that cause a man to get labeled weird or creepy when interacting with women if you were to flip or reverse the roles women will never risk getting thrown the creepy label or the weird label or be accused of being uncomfortable by the other sex.

But I know it should be obvious as to why it's like that

Yes, reality can be cruel at times. I found it sad that without the social a lot of energies were put into learning and preparing for the future. That was rarely recognized by girls/women, but the ones who recognize that value are amazing.

I married one who is kind, accepting, progressive, intelligent, and responsible (and shy). With her we are now sitting on 40 acres in NW Michigan, in a house she designed and which I engineered to be energy efficient We are retired and still doing biking, hiking, canoeing/kayaking, snowshoeing, XC-skiing and have comfortable income that allows us one theater extravaganza a year (Broadway or West End and I'd be shocked if Sondheim's "Merrily We Roll Along does not get a Tony this year.) She brings out the best in me.

 

[Kalinychta]

Thank you, @Kalinychta . The saddest thing is recognizing the inability to pick up social signals. When I look back, I see that through my confusions I sometimes closed off connection. Once in HS, on a Saturday a girl called me to ask questions about a lesson. Instead of picking up my book to go to her house and study together, I rattled off the answers. I now feel bad about that. Had I done the nice thing and connected I may have had the confidence to ask her out and go to the prom with a nice girl.

That’s actually kind of cute and funny. Not that I’m downplaying how it made you feel, but do you ever look back on any of these memories and just shake your head and laugh? Everything turned out more than alright for you in the end.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yes, reality can be cruel at times. I found it sad that without the social a lot of energies were put into learning and preparing for the future. That was rarely recognized by girls/women, but the ones who recognize that value are amazing.

I married one who is kind, accepting, progressive, intelligent, and responsible (and shy). With her we are now sitting on 40 acres in NW Michigan, in a house she designed and which I engineered to be energy efficient We are retired and still doing biking, hiking, canoeing/kayaking, snowshoeing, XC-skiing and have comfortable income that allows us one theater extravaganza a year (Broadway or West End and I'd be shocked if Sondheim's "Merrily We Roll Along does not get a Tony this year.) She brings out the best in me.

It angers me and pisses me off that people and Society expect us men to have common sense or just to naturally get it on how to act socially or behave when it comes to interacting with women in a way, if we make a social mistake or mess up an interaction then people in society get on our case which is embarrassing and I'll admit I still get angry and pissed off and even sad or depressed over times in my past life in which I messed up in social situations that cause the other people to feel uncomfortable or just didn't like being around my presence or in which I made a woman feel uncomfortable and I still get angry and depressed and mad about it to this day

 

[thejuice]

You have pegged shy guys who are inexperienced. Yes, sensitive, quirky, intellectual and a lot of my energies went into preparing myself for my future. Problem is, we were never noticed, or if I was, my autism prevented me from noticing. People told me that if I wanted to connect with a woman, all I needed to do was just go up to her. I could not even do that until I was maturing at 26: I’m so ashamed and upset about myself. I missed out on so much.

Even after I learned from the internet how to catch people eyeing you up, I still freeze even if I do catch them. I get extremely nervous at small talk even now!

 

[thejuice]

It angers me and pisses me off that people and Society expect us men to have common sense or just to naturally get it on how to act socially or behave when it comes to interacting with women in a way, if we make a social mistake or mess up an interaction then people in society get on our case which is embarrassing and I'll admit I still get angry and pissed off and even sad or depressed over times in my past life in which I messed up in social situations that cause the other people to feel uncomfortable or just didn't like being around my presence or in which I made a woman feel uncomfortable and I still get angry and depressed and mad about it to this day

Yes its painful when one has a communication disability yet society and biology expects our gender to make the first move. Such is life, although there are rare gems on the other side who will subvert expectations and make the move themselves and I respect that. The percentage of people who don't follow the norms and can think for themselves on either side of the gender divide is very low.

Im not sure why the idea that women are the selectors and men are the suitors is so controversial. Even the Greeks knew that. However its best to conserve energy and not be at war with biological and social reality.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I will hate and resent this quote and statement until the day I die or until my last breath and that is that there is someone for everyone and I'm sure Tony Ramirez would agree with that as well I don't get why Society came up with that statement or quote in the first place