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The Love & Dating thread.

Surpassing mid-20s and older and having never dated or always having been alone is either just very common or is just the norm among males on the Spectrum but it won't surprise me if it's not unusual and not unheard of for a lot of men that are neurotypicals as well
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
Surpassing mid-20s and older and having never dated or always having been alone is either just very common or is just the norm among males on the Spectrum but it won't surprise me if it's not unusual and not unheard of for a lot of men that are neurotypicals as well
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And there is a cost for it. I had normal desires but lacked the skills and knowledge to do anything about it, until at 26 I started maturing socially and studied social communication like a special interest. The isolation during that time over such a long period, was traumatic to me. Triggers have been reminders of sexuality I denied myself. I am slowly making progress with that.
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
And there is a cost for it. I had normal desires but lacked the skills and knowledge to do anything about it, until at 26 I started maturing socially and studied social communication like a special interest. The isolation during that time over such a long period, was traumatic to me. Triggers have been reminders of sexuality I denied myself. I am slowly making progress with that.
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Another sarcastic mindset I have is that for guys men it's basically an option or it's voluntary if they want to become good with women or just better with women or not but not the other way around though
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
Another sarcastic mindset I have is that for guys men it's basically an option or it's voluntary if they want to become good with women or just better with women or not but not the other way around though
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Sorry I'm dense, but I can't parse your sentence; What's an option? What is the other way around?
 
Gerald Wilgus said:
Sorry I'm dense, but I can't parse your sentence; What's an option? What is the other way around?
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Well a lot of people like to think that women are good with men for simply just being born or women have value for just being boring, women by default are good with men because well when you're the one that has men going after you then you're basically always in demand
 
But sometimes it's not men we want. I actually prefer a sensitive, inquisitive, those types aren't necessarily pursuing woman. However , l attract very macho guys due to me being very feminine , or predatory types. I try not to be boring, l try to bring value to the relationship. My ex- husband, l saved his life literally, and he has a prestigious position that l found by calling a bunch of hospitals. Plus l love cooking for him. So @Steelbookcollector217 , hope you meet someone special in your lifetime.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
Surpassing mid-20s and older and having never dated or always having been alone is either just very common or is just the norm among males on the Spectrum but it won't surprise me if it's not unusual and not unheard of for a lot of men that are neurotypicals as well
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Reminds me, I'm in contact with a guy who claims he has high functioning autism, but it won't surprise me if it is worse than that. He says he had no friends for most of his life.

While he has some now, he's never had a girlfriend before and he claims that he's never had his first kiss before either, but what makes me feel very sorry for him the most is due to a bad experience he had a long time ago and I assume this incident was no doubt because of his poor social skills or just not doing well socially.

I would like to think that he has a more extreme form of autism because of how extreme this incident was.

He told me that a girl back in college got a restraining order on him.

He has described to me how it happened but since I was not a witness I feel that being able to witness on how it happened would only be able to truly assess on what he did wrong socially
 
Aspychata said:
But sometimes it's not men we want. I actually prefer a sensitive, inquisitive, those types aren't necessarily pursuing woman. However , l attract very macho guys due to me being very feminine , or predatory types. I try not to be boring, l try to bring value to the relationship. My ex- husband, l saved his life literally, and he has a prestigious position that l found by calling a bunch of hospitals. Plus l love cooking for him. So @Steelbookcollector217 , hope you meet someone special in your lifetime.
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You have pegged shy guys who are inexperienced. Yes, sensitive, quirky, intellectual and a lot of my energies went into preparing myself for my future. Problem is, we were never noticed, or if I was, my autism prevented me from noticing. People told me that if I wanted to connect with a woman, all I needed to do was just go up to her. I could not even do that until I was maturing at 26: I’m so ashamed and upset about myself. I missed out on so much.
 
Sorry this has you so depressed. I didn't date much, but l actually preferred not dating. But this has really upset you, one day you will have closure perhaps.
 
Aspychata said:
Sorry this has you so depressed. I didn't date much, but l actually preferred not dating. But this has really upset you, one day you will have closure perhaps.
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That is what my spouse and I will talk about on Monday with my counselor. I feel like karma keeps giving me the same lesson over and over in hopes that I will solve it. I want to put things to rest and forgive that younger me for my confusions (And, boy oh boy, I was a mass of confusions.)
 
My spouse just sent this to me. Damn! I could have used it 50 years ago.
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If I find that Tick Tock video I'll post it again that I was very moved by and oddly enough it was made by a woman which is something you don't expect because women are kind of basically almost guaranteed to enjoy having a fun youth in regards to a dating life
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
women are kind of basically almost guaranteed to enjoy having a fun youth in regards to a dating life
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I wonder what you would think of my life that was totally and completely void of this. What am I? Just an exception to your rule? An ugly, lonely pathetic unicorn in the story?

I think you should speak to more real women and especially autistic ones. I really wonder how many actual females you interact with in life.

I think most women would understandably avoid someone who thinks about women the way you do. This could be a major part of the problem that keeps you from connecting with one.
 
Rodafina said:
I think you should speak to more real women and especially autistic ones. I really wonder how many actual females you interact with in life.

I think most women would understandably avoid someone who thinks about women the way you do. This could be a major part of the problem that keeps you from connecting with one.
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Objectifying ALL women from little or no real experience will almost guaranty an unsatisfactory love-life.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
If I find that Tick Tock video I'll post it again that I was very moved by and oddly enough it was made by a woman which is something you don't expect because women are kind of basically almost guaranteed to enjoy having a fun youth in regards to a dating life
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I don't think I've ever met a woman who fits this. Not in the way you're implying. I've met many who loved their boyfriends, but they weren't settling with the first guy they met, or jumping from great guy to great guy. They searched and made mistakes like everyone else.

Not to mention the ones who had been sexually assaulted. I haven't met a lot of guys whose relationship struggles included that, even though it happens.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
. . .women are kind of basically almost guaranteed to enjoy having a fun youth in regards to a dating life
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Are you using ONE TikTok video from ONE woman to support your claim against ALL women? When you have met one woman, you have met one woman. Not every woman has a "fun youth", and certainly not all of them have even dated.

You should not let Internet videos do your thinking for you.
 
Mr. Stevens said:
I don't think I've ever met a woman who fits this. Not in the way you're implying. I've met many who loved their boyfriends, but they weren't settling with the first guy they met, or jumping from great guy to great guy. They searched and made mistakes like everyone else.

Not to mention the ones who had been sexually assaulted. I haven't met a lot of guys whose relationship struggles included that, even though it happens.
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If I find it I'll send it but yeah she claims that she's close to 30 and never had a boyfriend before which is an unexpected case for a woman but very easily believable for a guy or human male
 
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