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The Love & Dating thread.

Maria6681 said:
I have been seeing this guy I really like him at first we was friend with benefits but after a very long time we became boyfriend and girlfriend but did not last long as he could not handle the fact there was not much conversation on my part and to be fair I don't have much of a personality so he finished but wants to stay friends with benefits. He knows how I feel about him I know he uses me but I can't say no. But wish I could. As I know it never going to change. But what it has shown me people like me do not have much of a chance in finding someone who can deal with someone like me. So is it better to say well this is all your going to get so take it. Or say no I don't want to be used in that way and completely end it and probably never find anyone
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Think about this carefully. If all you wanted was sex, this would be good. You clearly want & need more. Sooner or later someone else might look your way, but if that happens do you think they would look favorably upon this arrangement if it is still going on? The sooner you separate yourself from this, the sooner you can present yourself honestly and completely to someone new.
 
Maria6681 said:
I have been seeing this guy I really like him at first we was friend with benefits but after a very long time we became boyfriend and girlfriend but did not last long as . . .
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With friends with benefits, at least one person or both people almost always get hurt. Even if the arrangement is clear, one person always wants to get more emotionally involved than the other, or there could very well be a personality conflict even if both transition to a couple. Just something to keep in mind. Because of how your relationship started, definitely worth trying to add to your options if possible.
 
Not doing very well at all lost another lovely aspie girl...liked her to bits and pieces!
Everything seems to be just slipping into hell lately!
The Universe is out to get me I guess?:confused:
Lost everyone all at the same time in one week?:confused:
It was like some evil switch got flipped and they all turned on me?:confused:
 
Hello,
I don't know where else to turn for the issues going on in my love life. I don't know that this is even the right place to share this.
2 years ago I started dating this fantastic guy, he was smart, driven, great to talk to, and we shared the same interests.
Over the last year and a half as we've gotten closer and more serious in our committed relationship I've started noticing things about him that I didn't see before.

He has always had a touch thing about him - he's very sensitive to any touching or heat. He frequently rejects any overtures I have of cuddling or holding his hand because it feels like fire, it hurts, or feels like sand paper.
At work he’s very focused, doesn’t like a lot of interruptions, he’s an engineer so everything is logical.
He seems to sincerely believe that everyone else is wrong and he’s always right. He’ll frequently come home and tell me how so and so is stupid and they did this when the logical thing would have been to do that.
In conversations he only offers exactly what was asked, he takes everything literally, says that’s just how his brain works.
He doesn’t do well with emotion – he likes the facts.
I used to like to ask questions, hypotheticals and situational questions to get us talking and start a good conversation but he refuses to answer because it’s not reality or he doesn’t like to pretend or use his imagination.
We used to go out and do things all the time now he just wants to stay home. He doesn’t see the need to go out with friends, or do anything outside of the house.
We have a lot of miscommunications these days, where I end up with my feelings hurt and go to bed upset.
After a miscommunication he shakes it off within an hour, I need more time to get over what has happened.
He used to be ok sitting on the couch with me but now he chooses his chair and will sit there and play games on his phone for hours. He doesn’t initiate conversation about me, he can sit in his chair for hours without talking to me if I don’t initiate conversation first. I have to really nag at him to get him to get up and sit next to me, even then it’s a huge undertaking because he doesn’t want to.
He has a rigidity about him that won’t bend to what others want/need.
I am a very affectionate person, I want to be with this guy for the forever type but I’m having a hard time with him never wanting to touch me. I do worry that he won’t show affection to any children we might have.
I’ve cut down most of the physical affection I need to a good morning kiss, a hug at some point (studies have shown a 30 second embrace can help in a relationship, raise the persons mood, reduce stress, repair feelings in a relationship after a fight.) and a good night kiss. There are days that I need a little more and he’s generally not willing to allow me the extra attention I need, most days he’s not even willing to give me the minimum I need.

I’ve kept my thoughts to myself on his behaviors, it seems that he’s got a touch of autism, he’s never been diagnosed but finally one night when I couldn’t handle another week of no contact I told him my suspicions. No one had ever suggested to him that he might have autism, he did ask if he should go get tested. I want to say yes because it might help us both in our relationship.

Do I bring this back up and talk to him about getting tested? Or do I leave things as is? I don’t know how to get past what I need to reach an understanding between us on what’s needed to keep us both happy. My thought is that if he gets tested and gets this thought I have confirmed or rejected then maybe we can get some type of counseling to work through the issues.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you work through it?
I love this guy, I want to be with him but I also can’t help what I need. Am I being unreasonable with the things I want? Simple touch sometimes? How can I best adjust my needs to suit his? (I've asked him all this before but he either doesn't answer or tells me he doesn't know.

Thanks,
K. McL
 
Get out, you'll only come to resent him.
There is no changing someone like that.
You'll never get what you need from someone like that and you can't adjust your needs to suit his because he doesn't have any.
 
I want to start dating again, but I am freaked out because of how my autism manifests itself. This led to the end of my one and only previous relationship. I am an extremely outgoing, extroverted aspie, who can be severely overbearing at times. A lot of the time, I have zero concept of social boundaries, and because of this I am extremely self conscious about it and how it would affect the other person too. To make a long story short, I socially smothered my ex into withdrawing from the relationship, without realizing it. I had zero idea how to give her the social/personal space she needed. Sadly enough, she bluntly told me this and I didn't get it. She, as an aspie was going through a life transition and needed her space/adjustment period and I didn't know how to handle it. It wore on me to the point that I broke it off because I thought she didn't care about me anymore, and severely hurt her in the process. I never really wanted to break up, I only did so because I thought that is what she wanted, but was too shy to tell me, so the time withdrawal was her way of doing so. even though she still wanted to stay in the relationship, I had no idea that all she needed was for me to back off while she adjusted to her new surroundings, even though she flat out told me. I got so frustrated with the lack of spending time together that I said nasty things. I did so many things that broke her personal rules when I ended it that we couldn't repair things, even after the dust settled and we talked it out calmly. Everything was going wonderfully in that relationship before she went through her life transition, and because I didn't know how to handle it I threw away a really good thing. I still wonder every now and then if I would have been a better listener and shut up for 2 seconds if we'd still be together. I have pretty much moved on, but I still feel bad about the pain I put her through when she got completely blindsided by a breakup that neither of us saw coming.

Now, I am extremely concerned about dating an NT(my ex was another aspie) because I might come off as a stalker/creep. I'm not that way, I just don't read social cues such as ignoring/lack of communication well. I am trying to drill into my head that if someone ignores me they aren't interested or are busy but it is so hard for me to remember that social cue. Because of the women's movement going on lately, it has made me especially self conscious about the lack of personal boundaries/space concepts that I have, and has made me so paralyzed to move on any interests on my online dating sites that I am using because I am so freaked out that I'll end up in jail or something just because of social blindness. Sometimes, I just don't know when to stop contacting someone. I have this problem in my social circle too. I honestly don't know what to do because even though I know this problem I have exists, sometimes I can't help myself and don't realize that I broke social protocol until after the damage has been done, so to speak.
 
"Why are you still single? :smiley:"

I get asked this question sometimes by women. Why do they ask this? I mean, how am I supposed to know why I'm single - and not only that, but the question itself implies that I've somehow chosen to be single. To me it is as weird of a question as asking someone why they happen to be alive.
 
Vandraren said:
"Why are you still single? :smiley:"

I get asked this question sometimes by women. Why do they ask this? I mean, how am I supposed to know why I'm single - and not only that, but the question itself implies that I've somehow chosen to be single. To me it is as weird of a question as asking someone why they happen to be alive.
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That enormously annoying social/cultural dynamic of those who expect or demand that one eventually gets married. Otherwise in their mind there's just "something wrong" with them. :rolleyes:

The kind of thing that has gotten under my skin for a lifetime as one in their 60s who never got married.

My bad. :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
 
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My younger aspie ex recently broke up with me as he’s had major life changes and isn’t dealing with the dress well. He said he wants to be friends, I agreed although I felt somewhat heart broken. Every time we’re together, he wants to be physical or cries because he’s lonely and unhappy. Being in a relationship is too hard for him right now but it feels like we’re still in it. I sometimes feel too old to find romantic things this confusing.
 
Tiffany said:
My younger aspie ex recently broke up with me as he’s had major life changes and isn’t dealing with the dress well. He said he wants to be friends, I agreed although I felt somewhat heart broken. Every time we’re together, he wants to be physical or cries because he’s lonely and unhappy. Being in a relationship is too hard for him right now but it feels like we’re still in it. I sometimes feel too old to find romantic things this confusing.
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Should say ‘stress’ not ‘dress’.
 
Vandraren said:
"Why are you still single? :smiley:"
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My current girlfriend asked me this when we first started getting to know each other, but not in the "you should be in a relationship" type of question, but rather in a "I thought all the good guys were taken/married already!" type statement. So a little clarity helped...
 
I just want to write this because I don't know that the heck happened just now in the past few months.

I got a stable job a year ago. Things had been going fine for many months, but then the irrational and hormonal part of my brain decided to have a major crush on my coworker. I don't really know her that well, which makes it weird that this isn't your run of the mill crush. No, for months on end it continued as a category 4 "I can't really do my work because I just know she is in the next room"-type of thing.

So a few weeks ago I finally asked her out... and I caught her off guard. She had no idea I was feeling this way. A week of awkward "I think about it" phase ensued. Then we had a talk in which she stated something along the lines: "Well normally I'd jump on this opportunity, but we work together, so can we just stay that way for now?"

I know ofcourse that work romances have a reputation. I was still taken back, as I also thought about it and had researched that statistically workplace romances are not at all as catastrophic as they are said to be. It turned out, that for some reason people don't think in statistics.

Now we are at the stage where we pretend everything is normal, and she may even think everything is normal, but dear god no, everything is not normal. Today we have the same shift, and we have to use the same busline to get home, and I just know that I am going to straight up split in half deep inside.

There is no moral of the story. There is no lesson to be learned here. There is only darkness, and despair eternal.
 
Awwww, I feel for you. I've had a crush on an ex-colleague for years. He's one of three men that I've met in life that I could have married and been incredibly happy with. The other two got married and had kids in the last few years and that really helped to draw a line under everything, as they were completely off the table. So my interest in them has disappeared. But I'm still stuck on the third guy and I still have ties to other people that know him through my family, which doesn't help. I get teased about it every time I see them!

Unlike you, I never said anything while we worked together as we were both already in long term relationships. If anything, I ended up going out of my way to distance myself and put him off as I felt guilty. I'm just hoping he gets married soon or elopes abroad or something. This time of year is bad as I see all the family and have to get reminded about it constantly! At least you had some sort of definite response, so at some point you'll be able to get over her and find someone else. Even if it takes a while.
 
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So, I kind of have a crush on someone I met at an event a several months ago. I only started seeing him again after last week and to be fair I had forgotten about things then. I am a bit afraid of feeling such strong emotions and I'm trying to hold them back, being the first time i've had them. Last time we met, he mentioned how 'intimate' the convo. was in regard to everyone else in the room, and I think there was mutual effort being put in by me and him with communication about mainly intellectual topics (politics). My anxiety also gets the better of me when i'm with him because I really don't know what to say when I leave, should I contact him or even when we parted, I left in a bit of a hurry, and he sounded a bit low. But I didn't ask him how he was over the weekend. I'm really confused over this and I really don't want this to go wrong or to swallow me up in the process.
 
superboyian said:
The Love & Dating Thread.

Have you got a girlfriend, your a happy married couple or need any love advices?

Well, the purpose of this thread is to tell your experience about love life and share experiences with each other and hopefully learn from each other and hopefully gain some confidence too.

Happy posting. :D​
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I've been looking for a girlfriend but haven't had much luck. I'm on a few dating sites but nobody has clicked. I'm trying to stay hopeful though.
 
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