There is no shame in feeling shame about having autism

[Jonn]

The structure of society and one's environment can shape how a person sees themselves, especially if that person has low self-esteem. My self-esteem is very low, so I have always hated myself. I can't even bear to look in the mirror.

I have high self-esteem.
I can give you some if you want.

 

[Misty Avich]

I have high self-esteem.
I can give you some if you want.

I wish you could lol.
I hate when people say "if you can't love yourself then you can't love others". I am very capable of loving others. I love my husband to bits, the love is there, I can feel it and I show it through affection, respect and loyalty, and much more. I can easily love others. I just hate myself. I am so weak and pathetic at times and so timid, nervous, and can even be dumb. That's why I used to slap myself in the face when I was younger.

 

[Jonn]

I am so weak and pathetic at times and so timid, nervous, and can even be dumb.

I like weak, pathetic, timid, nervous, and dumb ppl. <hug>
Does that make you feel better?

Spoiler

Perhaps I need to practice my diplomacy more.

 

[Misty Avich]

I like weak, pathetic, timid, nervous, and dumb ppl. <hug>
Does that make you feel better?

Spoiler

Perhaps I need to practice my diplomacy more.

Well, nah.
I hate the way I'm so opposite to being stoic or blunt. Like at work if I'm vacuuming the staff eating room, when people get up to let me vacuum under their chair I sort of nervously say "you didn't need to get up" in an overly cool, kind voice, then I say "ah, thank you". I feel that if I just say "thank you", no matter how I say it, they might think that I wanted them to "get out of the way". I have to keep reminding myself that most people don't overthink as much as I do so they probably don't care what I say or how I say it, or they'll forget immediately after.
I just need to be more confident, that's my trouble.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah i think its quite a common feeling

 

[Rodafina]

I just need to be more confident, that's my trouble.

I agree with you here - any ideas on how you could improve your confidence? It is possible.

 

[Misty Avich]

I agree with you here - any ideas on how you could improve your confidence? It is possible.

Well I have in a way as I've gotten older but for some reason I still have this nervousness about me sometimes when I'm feeling shy or awkward around certain people.

 

[Misty Avich]

I know there is no shame in having autism by the way, but there will be some people on the spectrum who have been conditioned to feel embarrassed or ashamed about their autism and they shouldn't be shamed for it either. It will just make them feel more ashamed.

 

[Jonn]

I know there is no shame in having autism by the way, but there will be some people on the spectrum who have been conditioned to feel embarrassed or ashamed about their autism and they shouldn't be shamed for it either. It will just make them feel more ashamed.

I got over being half German.

 

[Misty Avich]

I got over being half German.

In my lifetime nobody has shamed or disliked Germans. I remember on another site they mentioned that British people didn't like German people but I've never encountered that in my whole life as a British person.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I know there is no shame in having autism by the way, but there will be some people on the spectrum who have been conditioned to feel embarrassed or ashamed about their autism and they shouldn't be shamed for it either. It will just make them feel more ashamed.

naturally people with autism will feel that way when they have had awkward interactions with people over the years that have resulted in failed or lost friendships, relationships, or just giving off the wrong vibe, impression to people, even when they thought they had good intentions

 

[Misty Avich]

naturally people with autism will feel that way when they have had awkward interactions with people over the years that have resulted in failed or lost friendships, relationships, or just giving off the wrong vibe, impression to people, even when they thought they had good intentions

Asperger's has made me do a lot of shameful things, like getting so obsessed with people that I ended up looking like a stalker and nearly got myself into trouble.
It's also made me lash out verbally at my loved ones, causing upset for everyone involved and I've had to rely on Sertraline ever since to keep me from losing control of my emotions when I'm at my most depressed.

I hate when people say "but you're an Aspie, therefore you have a high IQ and lots of other qualities NTs don't have". Ugh, just please don't say that, even if you're just saying it to mean well. Not everyone with AS or autism are nerds with great superpowers. I've always been the average IQ, shy, anxious, sociable type, and very non-stereotypical and even unusual for an Aspie.
I'm not saying AS is a mental health condition to everyone but to me personally it does only feel like a mental health condition more than a difference or disability, because it has always mainly affected me emotionally, just like mental health conditions do with people. My social problems are down to anxiety more than cluelessness, even as a child - then add ADHD to the mix and that's where my odd social behaviours come from (impulsiveness, inattention and hyperactivity, though attention to non-verbal social cues is natural to me so doesn't require attention).

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Asperger's has made me do a lot of shameful things, like getting so obsessed with people that I ended up looking like a stalker and nearly got myself into trouble.
It's also made me lash out verbally at my loved ones, causing upset for everyone involved and I've had to rely on Sertraline ever since to keep me from losing control of my emotions when I'm at my most depressed.

I hate when people say "but you're an Aspie, therefore you have a high IQ and lots of other qualities NTs don't have". Ugh, just please don't say that, even if you're just saying it to mean well. Not everyone with AS or autism are nerds with great superpowers. I've always been the average IQ, shy, anxious, sociable type, and very non-stereotypical and even unusual for an Aspie.
I'm not saying AS is a mental health condition to everyone but to me personally it does only feel like a mental health condition more than a difference or disability, because it has always mainly affected me emotionally, just like mental health conditions do with people. My social problems are down to anxiety more than cluelessness, even as a child - then add ADHD to the mix and that's where my odd social behaviours come from (impulsiveness, inattention and hyperactivity, though attention to non-verbal social cues is natural to me so doesn't require attention).

my heart is with you, are you saying that you were labeled or perceived, thought of as a stalker? sadly reminds me of a guy whom i'm in contact with autism, who told me he got labeled that by lots of people at the college he attended, i think i mentioned in another posts here, yeah, its just cruel and sad how lots of people misjudge and misunderstand people who were completely harmless the whole time.

 

[Jonn]

In my lifetime nobody has shamed or disliked Germans. I remember on another site they mentioned that British people didn't like German people but I've never encountered that in my whole life as a British person.

You are still a baby.
I am talking about the 1950/60s

 

[Misty Avich]

You are still a baby.
I am talking about the 1950/60s

Thank goodness for that.

 

[Misty Avich]

my heart is with you, are you saying that you were labeled or perceived, thought of as a stalker? sadly reminds me of a guy whom i'm in contact with autism, who told me he got labeled that by lots of people at the college he attended, i think i mentioned in another posts here, yeah, its just cruel and sad how lots of people misjudge and misunderstand people who were completely harmless the whole time.

Well I can sort of see why I was labelled as a stalker. I got obsessed with people, like having crush on a man and hanging about outside his house and following him around the town if I saw him in town. I was just so obsessed, and although I wasn't intending on harm, he wasn't to know that, especially the fact that he had a small child. He just saw me as a creepy stalker, even though I was just a 14-year-old girl. So when a cop came and knocked on my door (while I was at school) my mum had to do everything she could to prove that I was harmless, and he had to search my bedroom for drugs or any evidence that I had a fascination with murder, robbery or child porn. Obviously there was literally NO evidence of any of those whatsoever so the cop didn't take it any further. All I had was posters of male pop singers on my walls, make-up strewn everywhere, pop music CDs, and drawings of the Simpsons, my family, and animals. Oh and funny comic strips that may have involved my crush of course, but all just innocent and normal teenage girl stuff.
But it still was embarrassing. No parent wants a cop knocking on their door telling them their teenager was engaging in obsessive behaviour. My mum knew my obsession but the whole situation didn't help her nerves.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Well I can sort of see why I was labelled as a stalker. I got obsessed with people, like having crush on a man and hanging about outside his house and following him around the town if I saw him in town. I was just so obsessed, and although I wasn't intending on harm, he wasn't to know that, especially the fact that he had a small child. He just saw me as a creepy stalker, even though I was just a 14-year-old girl. So when a cop came and knocked on my door (while I was at school) my mum had to do everything she could to prove that I was harmless, and he had to search my bedroom for drugs or any evidence that I had a fascination with murder, robbery or child porn. Obviously there was literally NO evidence of any of those whatsoever so the cop didn't take it any further. All I had was posters of male pop singers on my walls, make-up strewn everywhere, pop music CDs, and drawings of the Simpsons, my family, and animals. Oh and funny comic strips that may have involved my crush of course, but all just innocent and normal teenage girl stuff.
But it still was embarrassing. No parent wants a cop knocking on their door telling them their teenager was engaging in obsessive behaviour. My mum knew my obsession but the whole situation didn't help her nerves.

yeah an autistic guy i'm in contact with, he told me that a girl and her guy friends filed a restraining order on him when he was in college and he got labeled a creepy stalker by pretty much the whole school, he said he had a mental nervous breakdown after that.

Unfortuneately, besides autism, i think this also affected him a lot mentally and socially, he said that as a baby, he was born premature, quite early, i like to think that sadly affected him mentally and socially.

 

[Misty Avich]

I didn't get labelled a stalker by kids at school. They just called me a boring person who likes old men.

 

[Judge]

In hindsight the only way I could mitigate being autistic in an NT world was through achievements recognized by that same world. To advance in a career and/or demonstrate proficiency on a level beyond my peers.

It didn't stop people from perceiving me as being weird in some way, but it did make them to first and foremost default to a perception of my abilities in a common workplace.

All in all, for me this was really the only way to build and perpetuate self-confidence that I did not have in my youth. While at times I might have experienced shame, I tried to always keep it to myself, knowing much like crying it only attracts predators.

 

[Jonn]

All in all, for me this was really the only way to build and perpetuate self-confidence that I did not have in my youth. While at times I might have experienced shame, I tried to always keep it to myself, knowing much like crying it only attracts predators.

You developed self-confidence in an external way through achievements.
And I achieved self-esteem through analysing social attitudes and its value systems.
"Interesting."