Truth of Love Meme Poll

[Cali Cat]

I'm curious to know what people think/feel about the the statement pictured in the meme below. Do you agree or disagree? Do you feel it depends on other factors; and, if so, what factors? Please feel free to elaborate.

 

[nowwhat]

Yes. We all love to little. I am so guilty of this.

 

[Cali Cat]

Yes. We all love to little. I am so guilty of this.

Do you see any drawbacks to the meme statement? Any inherent flaws in the logic?

 

[Jonathan Lees]

im not sure that's why relationships and marriages fail, im sure some have failed like this but i think that most fail because of partners wanting entirely different things from the relationship, or because people change and what might have been a good fit doesn't always stay like that into the future as people inevitably change. as to what love is i have no idea, never truly experienced it but im sure that its more complicated than a couple sentence meme. there's probably a bit of truth to the meme though just not the whole truth.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

Do you see any drawbacks to the meme statement? Any inherent flaws in the logic?

well in the meme its all about you giving up, settling, sacrificing for the other person despite their flaws, nothing about them doing the same for you back. relationships should be two way with both parties if serious putting in similar effort.

 

[nowwhat]

Do you see any drawbacks to the meme statement? Any inherent flaws in the logic?

Seems pretty true to me. I can find no fault in it.

 

[Cali Cat]

well in the meme its all about you giving up, settling, sacrificing for the other person despite their flaws, nothing about them doing the same for you back. relationships should be two way with both parties if serious putting in similar effort.

Thank you. You echoed my thoughts exactly. Love may be kind and patient and persevering, but there must be some kind of reciprocity for it to make sense. Otherwise, isn't it just martyrdom? What of the abused men and women in relationships? Should they stay in those relationships if they really "love" the abuser?

The questions that plague me are:
1) When does love turn to martyrdom? (Quality)
and
2) How much is too much for love to handle? (Quantity)

 

[Judge]

How much is too much for love to handle? (Quantity)

I can only say that both living with and working with someone you're in a relationship has some serious drawbacks for those of us on the spectrum. I can't exist indefinitely without some time by myself. And projecting this in an honest fashion is apt to run contrary to the likelihood of being taken very personally by a significant other.

It's some balancing act for both parties in a relationship to navigate and overcome.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

Thank you. You echoed my thoughts exactly. Love may be kind and patient and persevering, but there must be some kind of reciprocity for it to make sense. Otherwise, isn't it just martyrdom? What of the abused men and women in relationships? Should they stay in those relationships if they really "love" the abuser?

The questions that plague me are:
1) When does love turn to martyrdom? (Quality)
and
2) How much is too much for love to handle? (Quantity)

well this is exactly the sort of thing i constantly think about, a lot of people tell me i overthink things (including a woman i was with today actually). the only person I've ever properly been interested reciprocated at the start but it didn't last once she felt secure that she had me as it were, after she mistreated me i left because i respect myself too much to become a martyr saying that it definitely wasn't love just intense interest. i don't really have answers to your two questions but ill have a think and maybe come back to them,

 

[Cali Cat]

well this is exactly the sort of thing i constantly think about, a lot of people tell me i overthink things (including a woman i was with today actually).

Overthinking things is the Aspie way.

the only person I've ever properly been interested reciprocated at the start but it didn't last once she felt secure that she had me as it were, after she mistreated me i left because i respect myself too much to become a martyr saying that it definitely wasn't love just intense interest.

Yes! Self-respect! Exactly! That is a large part of the equation. But, does self-respect trump love?
If you choose to walk away for the sake of self-respect, does that negate the love that you felt?
Does it mean it was never true love?
Can one truly love another person, but be unable to have a relationship with that person?
Can your feelings be real, but unrequited, and thus futile and necessitating your departure?
Finally, is "true love" an individual undertaking, or does it by its nature require the participation of two reciprocating individuals to be classified as "real?"

Edited: In the reciprocation mentioned above, I mean in deed as well as in word. Someone can say they love you all day and night, while their actions don't reflect it.

 

[clg113]

I am a Aspie and my wife is a NT. This is not supposed to work, but it does and has for a very long time for us. She understands my weirdness and need for some alone time. The respect issue is not a problem because we respect each other. As humans, we both have somewhat of a dark side. But we know each others flaws and accept them. Love is when a person puts someone else's needs and happiness above their own. Ideal love is when two people feel the same way about each other.

 

[Cali Cat]

Love is when a person puts someone else's needs and happiness above their own. Ideal love is when two people feel the same way about each other.

Okay, but how long does someone put the other person's needs and happiness above their own without getting their own needs met before they leave? Or, as the love meme suggests, should they just continue to give and tolerate and suffer for the sake of love? Does one's "love" become less than what it was if one chooses to leave an unsatisfactory situation?

This idea of "ideal love" is confusing me at the moment. I'm having enough trouble discerning between infatuation, codependency and "true" love.

 

[Warmheart]

Love.. what a beautiful topic. I am not sure if the meme resonates for me, because it seems so focused on familiarity with flaws being problematic, when what is at issue is our ability to be aware of shortcomings and have a compassionate
perspective.

I really like that in some Eastern traditions, one's love is referred to as one's "Home."
"My Home went shopping, he will be back around lunchtime." or, "My Home made this soup, would you like some?"
Home is a place where we can truly feel safe and well... so, I like this term.

All healthy love contains some element of co-dependency in it, but it is more inter-dependent. There is emotional care-taking, warmth, nurturing. Each have a separate identity, yet both parties inter-are.

I know that when I love someone, in a healthy way, his suffering is my suffering, his happiness is my happiness.

I also like this:

 

[Cali Cat]

Love.. what a beautiful topic. I am not sure if the meme resonates for me, because it seems so focused on familiarity with flaws being problematic, when what is at issue is our ability to be aware of shortcomings and have a compassionate
perspective.

I really like that in some Eastern traditions, one's love is referred to as one's "Home."
"My Home went shopping, he will be back around lunchtime." or, "My Home made this soup, would you like some?"
Home is a place where we can truly feel safe and well... so, I like this term.

All healthy love contains some element of co-dependency in it, but it is more inter-dependent. There is emotional care-taking, warmth, nurturing. Each have a separate identity, yet both parties inter-are.

I know that when I love someone, in a healthy way, his suffering is my suffering, his happiness is my happiness.

What do you think of this:

 

[Warmheart]

We could know our mates for a thousand years and still not know all there is to know about them. And, our lives are so short together. This is why loving someone is such a precious gift. We can never know all there is about someone else we love. The continued discovery is both an honor and a wondrous journey.

 

[Billybob]

I guess I looked at the first meme (not really sure what meme is, hopefully used correctly) a little bit differently. I thought it was about persevering through trials that are inevitable because we are human, recognizing the flaws, and loving them anyway. If your partner doesn't see love in this way also, that makes it pretty rough. I think the limit might be a pretty personal answer, different for everyone I mean. Ideally things would be equal and all needs met, but that never happens. I think you have to work hard at love and relationships, and that was kindof what I got out of the first deal. Mostly I just wanted to say that I thank God my wife loves me that way, and I strive to do the same, except I have to work hard to find the flaws in her, dang it all. A lot of it looks like it was derived from I Corinthians 13:4-7. I guess if it feels like martyrdom, it might not be love on the other end. Things probably won't ever be equal, some people are more needy I guess, but if you feel used its not good. Anyway, when to quit and if it was real love or all that I don't know.
Edit: I should have read the post above first,but missed it while typing.

 

[Maelstrom]

The statement is a little confusing as it starts out from a negative point of view and ends up with a positive one.
At the end of the day friendship and love is a daily renewed choice if either party begins to not put money, (effort), in the friendship and love bank it dies...goes bankrupt.

This Idea that true love or friendship can be gotten just by finding your perfect match is really a myth. There is some basic chemistry but you still have to be nice to eachother, spend time on eachother, and overlook flaws, and differences and mistakes you both have.

Treating friends or people you love as safe dogs to kick, ( ....Kick!), generally ends with you getting a county burial with 2 guys with shovels to read your last rights or whatever...it's called Karma!
I never understood why some people like to do that, it baffles me...but some really like to spread the pain!

 

[clg113]

Okay, but how long does someone put the other person's needs and happiness above their own without getting their own needs met before they leave? Or, as the love meme suggests, should they just continue to give and tolerate and suffer for the sake of love? Does one's "love" become less than what it was if one chooses to leave an unsatisfactory situation?

This idea of "ideal love" is confusing me at the moment. I'm having enough trouble discerning between infatuation, codependency and "true" love.

This is not complicated. This not even hard. It works for both of the people in a relationship if you both have the same amount commitment to each other. I love my wife, I put her needs in front of my own and I need her love. She feels exactly the same way about me. We both get our needs met and we need each other. We both love all of our kids and their families, but we both know who comes first. Each other! We are living, breathing proof that it works.

 

[nowwhat]

My thinking runs like this: love is pure, perfect and transcendant. It does not require reciprocity as it is selfless. We have all felt this, usually alloyed with a great deal of pain. Why? Because RELATIONSHIPS require reciprocity, being a practical, temporal and earthbound thing. Just how I think of such things.

I have a practical observation of love:

It is a rough game. The nicest people, with the most sincere good intentions, covered in their most trusted protective gear can take the field, but no matter. Someone is certain to wind up sitting dazed on the ground, bloodied, and incapacitated, while the game goes on heedless around them. No one will pay them any mind and they are left to drag themselves across the churned ground to a safe place where they can mend.

 

[arcan]

It is true, that with time, you get to know the "dark side" of the persone you're with. And it's also true that love is staying with them despite it. But it's definitely wrong to say that choosing love is choosing to serve, pain and sacrifice. Love is what makes it NOT a pain, NOT a sacrifice.