Unsolicited comments (of any sort)

[umbrellabeach]

I used to get this all of the time at work until I had a really snarky retort. Now, people generally give me a wide berth. They think I have a screw loose and that's perfectly fine with me. I used to take them silently, now I get somewhat confrontational. The only thing a bully understands is confrontation.

I'm pretty snarky and sarcastic myself. The only thing that holds me back is the fear of getting a customer complaint. Despite all the stress it comes with, I need to keep my job.

After the incident yesterday I would have loved to say "Die, so I can smile at your funeral," or something. Or flip the guy off.

 

[wanderer03]

I'm pretty snarky and sarcastic myself. [emoji14] The only thing that holds me back is the fear of getting a customer complaint. Despite all the stress it comes with, I need to keep my job.

After the incident yesterday I would have loved to say "Die, so I can smile at your funeral," or something. Or flipped the guy off.

I make it a game to push the envelope on what is acceptable and what is not. If I get fired, so be it. I'll be re-employed in 4 hours.

 

[Sylar]

One time I was on the bus home from college when some old guy sat next to me said something that I didn't hear properly. If I hear something I don't know how to react to I'll just smile but since I didn't even hear him I just continued to mind my own business. I was met with hateful remarks about lightening up and smiling more and taking a joke for the rest of the journey.

If it wasn't for an anxiety issue I'd have asked him to repeat it but what was his problem? Can you not take a simple journey in peace and why couldn't he have just left it? One comment is enough if you feel you have to say something in that situation but it was bordering on abuse.

 

[umbrellabeach]

One time I was on the bus home from college when some old guy sat next to me said something that I didn't hear properly. If I hear something I don't know how to react to I'll just smile but since I didn't even hear him I just continued to mind my own business. I was met with hateful remarks about lightening up and smiling more and taking a joke for the rest of the journey.

If it wasn't for an anxiety issue I'd have asked him to repeat it but what was his problem? Can you not take a simple journey in peace and why couldn't he have just left it? One comment is enough if you feel you have to say something in that situation but it was bordering on abuse.

Sounds like it was a problem he had with himself, really. He was insecure and thought you were judging him, so he tried to hide it with abuse. You didn't owe him a thing, and he deserved to be ignored.
I think a lot of people are this way with quiet and non-smiling people, including my own harassers.

 

[wanderer03]

One time I was on the bus home from college when some old guy sat next to me said something that I didn't hear properly. If I hear something I don't know how to react to I'll just smile but since I didn't even hear him I just continued to mind my own business. I was met with hateful remarks about lightening up and smiling more and taking a joke for the rest of the journey.

If it wasn't for an anxiety issue I'd have asked him to repeat it but what was his problem? Can you not take a simple journey in peace and why couldn't he have just left it? One comment is enough if you feel you have to say something in that situation but it was bordering on abuse.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, Sylar. Perhaps it was just for the best that you paid this guy no mind. There is a lot to be said for choosing your battles. Were I you, I would probably have remained silent as well, seeing as getting thrown off of the bus is not an option. Your experience highlights the reason that I hate taking buses. That and I have a trust issue with regards to the driver, Being a CDL holder, I don't trust other bus drivers.

 

[garnetflower13]

I used to get this all of the time at work until I had a really snarky retort. Now, people generally give me a wide berth. They think I have a screw loose and that's perfectly fine with me. I used to take them silently, now I get somewhat confrontational. The only thing a bully understands is confrontation.

I had a rare moment of confrontation once when I was waiting for a bus and this drunk guy came over and started harassing me. I took out my pepper spray and asked him if he'd like a sample. He went away rather quickly.

 

[Judge]

I had a rare moment of confrontation once when I was waiting for a bus and this drunk guy came over and started harassing me. I took out my pepper spray and asked him if he'd like a sample. He went away rather quickly.

It must not have been HIS brand.

 

[SameStars]

I get the 'smile!' comment every now and then. Like from a coworker, which is just a touch annoying, but sometimes from stangers on the street, and that is just weird.

 

[wanderer03]

I had a rare moment of confrontation once when I was waiting for a bus and this drunk guy came over and started harassing me. I took out my pepper spray and asked him if he'd like a sample. He went away rather quickly.

Now that's funny! Glad it did the trick.

 

[Zarazai]

I don't know if I ever got any comments or not. I'm a guy, so I would probably get less than a girl if I ever did get any, but people in general tend to leave me alone if they don't know me. I've always thought of it as a "anti-social vibe" thing. Even though I don't consciously want people to leave me alone, they sort of just do. It's rather strange. Actually, I did just remember, I tended to get those sort of comments from this group of girls in my class last year. And they weren't silly or flirtatious comments, they were genuine mean ones. I usually just ignored them or when I tried to retaliate I failed and made it worse.

 

[clg114]

Quite honestly I'm at a real loss to even begin understanding the mindset of an adult bent on teasing a total stranger based only on appearance factors. Small wonder for me to overthink it all in terms of class consciousness. Yet I know there are people out there who think in such "old world" terms.

It's gotta be my autism that confines and confounds my ability to understand such behavior.

After giving it some thought, I think I may have a explanation for that type of behavior. "Simple things amuse simple minds".

 

[Judge]

After giving it some thought, I think I may have a explanation for that type of behavior. "Simple things amuse simple minds".

It really bothers me. If we were talking about kids it might be more "par for the course". But adults...complete strangers teasing or constantly offering unsolicited comments to other adults especially at work...not good.

 

[wanderer03]

It really bothers me. If we were talking about kids it might be more "par for the course". But adults...complete strangers teasing or constantly offering unsolicited comments to other adults especially at work...not good.

It bothers me as well. Again, the way to stop a bully is to call his or her bluff. I really hate that it comes to that and I don't like confrontation. However, when I am bullied I feel backed into a corner (some PTSD feom childhood) I respond with fight.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I don't know if I ever got any comments or not. I'm a guy, so I would probably get less than a girl if I ever did get any, but people in general tend to leave me alone if they don't know me. I've always thought of it as a "anti-social vibe" thing. Even though I don't consciously want people to leave me alone, they sort of just do. It's rather strange. Actually, I did just remember, I tended to get those sort of comments from this group of girls in my class last year. And they weren't silly or flirtatious comments, they were genuine mean ones. I usually just ignored them or when I tried to retaliate I failed and made it worse.

People usually leave me alone too, when they're not teasing me.

 

[Judge]

People usually leave me alone too, when they're not teasing me.

Sorry that you're having such a hard time with these people.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Well, I found a hairstyle that's easy and simple, and I tried it today (just for a few minutes before showering, but still) and liked it. Took me three tries, but I got it and my hair actually stayed in place. O_O I'll wear it again all day Thursday, my only day off this week, and see how it holds up.
This is definitely more sophisticated than pigtail braids.

I found out today that I have hooded eyes, which means makeup will go on a little differently, but there are plenty of tutorials for that and I'm willing to try them out.

 

[umbrellabeach]

After I clocked in at work today, the first task I did was take a carton of milk some customer didn't want back to the dairy cooler. Pretty normal; I do that all the time. However, I passed an old guy and he felt the need to call out, "A milkmaid!"

Right on my first task... ugh.

Well, because of that today was officially my last day wearing braids. I don't know if changing my hair will help much, but it's something.

 

[Judge]

However, I passed an old guy and he felt the need to call out, "A milkmaid!"

<Facepalm> This must be some kind of NT behavior. I just don't get it. But I'm VERY selective about real-time talking to strangers, and especially with consideration to context.

Guys, whether you're eight or eighty it's not cool to ogle women like this. Period.

 

[umbrellabeach]

<Facepalm> This must be some kind of NT behavior. I just don't get it. But I'm VERY selective about real-time talking to strangers, and especially with consideration to context.

Guys, whether you're eight or eighty it's not cool to ogle women like this. Period.

I agree. Recently I had a new thought about this - I don't understand why people seek out innocent, naive people and then try to destroy them by bullying them one way or another. I don't understand why it's apparently so hard to be nice to people who haven't done anything wrong. And I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just be quiet and go about their business. For me it's much easier to be quiet than to say anything.

Maybe from now on I'll make more effort to find empty aisles when I'm taking something back.

 

[Bellatrix]

One other thing I thought of today: I don't want my smile to be fake, cheap and casually given out to just anyone. I want it to be genuine and have meaning, even if I'm the only one who thinks of it that way. Societal norm has already cheapened the smile and made it fake, and I don't want any part in that. And of course some people don't deserve it.

Exactly! I would have liked to give this observation alone more than just a "like", but the system won't allow it

Even though I am male, I can actually relate to what you say here. There really are a lot of creepy people out there who, for no discernible reason, will just stare or make some silly comment to try to start a conversation. Sometimes the way they stare is really odd too, like they've just seen an alien or ghost. To me it will usually happen in a shopping centre, and I will just be weaving my way through the crowd, when I will notice some stranger following my movements with their gaze. It is not only really creepy, but rude too.