Virginity problem running in the family

[hatfullofrain]

Um, the lack of close contact that every normal human being has that we are locked out of because we are deemed to be insufficient for.

I think that's a pretty big thing to be upset about.

 

[Lundi]

Physical looks is a superficial reason to care for or like someone. It is sad so many people put
looks as the first attraction.

Well, yes of course it is superficial. But it is the rules of the game here in dating. The vast majority base evaluations on looks, and of course virginity plays a role.

Virginity plays such a high role that even someone with very good looks would be deemed "undateable". Being a virgin at my age is seen as an unforgiveable sin.

You may be judging your looks harshly and others may just do it to be hurtful.

Perhaps both, but again, maybe some could evaluate. The only ones who have "evaluated" me here are the ones who have told me that I am ugly.

 

[SusanLR]

@Lundi Have some people here on the forum evaluated you as ugly?
I don't believe I've seen a photo of you.

 

[Lundi]

@Lundi Have some people here on the forum evaluated you as ugly?
I don't believe I've seen a photo of you.

No, I did not explain it clearly, but what I meant here I meant by here as in here where I live.

I have not shown anyone on this particular forum my social media profile photo but I could if you want to take a look.

 

[SusanLR]

Sorry, I misunderstood that you meant where you live.
I would take a look.
Don't know how you feel about posting it for everyone or would you prefer to PM it to us/me?

 

[Lundi]

Not sure. I could post it here but it could give away my identity to people who know me in real life or even people who do not know me personally but know of me in the chess world, if they are on this forum. Maybe I am a bit too paranoid. But I could do PM for now.

 

[SusanLR]

Your call. If you feel comfortable. PM me if you want.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Another post about a 30 year old male ashamed of his virginity? Is this some kind of a trend?

 

[Judge]

Another post about a 30 year old male ashamed of his virginity? Is this some kind of a trend?

A trend? Good question. I suppose one could consider that the sexual revolution happened a long time ago in the 70s. Then again perhaps different cultures and countries trend somewhat differently along such lines.

Reminds me of a relationship I once had with an Austrian who was a devout Catholic when it came to birth control. She was quite up front about her virginity, though sex wasn't the issue. Only intercourse. In essence, being a virgin doesn't really mean one has never had sex.

Still though, in the real world how many people have ever approached any of you demanding to know your most intimate details? Much like my IQ, no one ever actually asked me about such things. It was never an issue unless I chose to make it otherwise.

Where people actually nagged at me was whether or not I was in a relationship, or not married yet. Admittedly that crap went on for years.

 

[Lundi]

As a teenager or as an adult? Because it would be over 100 times in both cases.

 

[Judge]

As a teenager or as an adult? Because it would be over 100 times in both cases.

Only as an adult. I never kept count of how often people nagged me about being in a relationship or getting married. Just as well...

Though I can't even recall my peers in growing up asking me such things. It just didn't happen.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

Another post about a 30 year old male ashamed of his virginity? Is this some kind of a trend?

You should know better as a women you select sexual partners based on what qualities?

 

[Lundi]

Another post about a 30 year old male ashamed of his virginity? Is this some kind of a trend?

What does this mean? That I am weird for being a male and 30 years old and still a virgin despite not wanting to? You are not the first woman to feel that way about me.

 

[Lundi]

Only as an adult. I never kept count of how often people nagged me about being in a relationship or getting married. Just as well...

Though I can't even recall my peers in growing up asking me such things. It just didn't happen.

For me I have been asked since I was 13, and the questions continued well past age 18 up to present-day. And I am not talking about people my age asking me, which they do. But even people in their 40s and 50s ask me during casual conversation.

Usually at first not directly though. They try to pry into my personal life by asking when the last time I had sex was or how many times lately. Then when they would eventually get into the golden question about if I am a virgin or not.

 

[Judge]

For me I have been asked since I was 13, and the questions continued well past age 18 up to present-day. And I am not talking about people my age asking me, which they do. But even people in their 40s and 50s ask me during casual conversation.

Usually at first not directly though. They try to pry into my personal life by asking when the last time I had sex was or how many times lately. Then when they would eventually get into the golden question about if I am a virgin or not.

In my own case as a minor, I don't think any of my peers were interested in me enough to have bothered to pry into such personal details.

 

[Lundi]

In my own case as a minor, I don't think any of my peers were interested in me enough to have bothered to pry into such personal details.

In my case, it was not only peers, friends and acquaintances, but also extended family as well.

 

[Judge]

In my case, it was not only peers, friends and acquaintances, but also extended family as well.

Interesting. I see you're from the Bay Area. But we're separated in age by more than 30 years. Maybe time has changed such a social dynamic.

Well, the good news is that at least people noticed you. The bad news? The harassment such inquiries generate.

 

[Lundi]

Interesting. I see you're from the Bay Area. But we're separated in age by more than 30 years. Maybe time has changed such a social dynamic.

My mother has lived in the exact same location where I have lived since she was a child. She said that in her dating years, i.e. the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s, no one really bullied her for this. On occasion, she was bullied for being single, but mostly as a teenager and in her early 20s. However, the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s were a completely different time period compared to now. Also, I am not sure how her being female was another reason why she was not bullied as much for being a virgin as males are.

Well, the good news is that at least people noticed you. The bad news? The harassment such inquiries generate.

People notice me for the bad reasons. And I have been bullied and insulted since age 4 for various reasons. The virginity thing since around age 13 up to now. I am used to it, there is nothing that I can do if people want to bully/insult me for this. I can only choose to not share information about my sex/relationship life. They can still poke and prod and assume that I am a virgin even if I do not tell them anything. It is what it is.

 

[Judge]

I can only choose to not share information about my sex/relationship life. They can still poke and prod and assume that I am a virgin even if I do not tell them anything. It is what it is.

Yes. It is YOUR choice and always will be. The most important thing to keep in perspective.

Another choice as an adult is to choose to avoid those who would treat you in such a manner. To strive to cut abusive personalities out of your life, when and where possible.

 

[Kalinychta]

Sex is overrated anyway. It looks super cool in movies, but in real life it’s usually rather unmemorable, often boring, and occasionally even a little embarrassing.

I may have said this already, but I read a book a month or two ago called The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared. When he was a lad, the title character accidentally blew up his neighbor’s house with a bomb and was promptly dispatched to the local insane asylum (the authorities didn’t buy the “accidentally” part) where he was castrated (this was back in 1920s Sweden...eugenics). Unconstrained by sexual desire, he travelled the world after being released from the asylum and had all kinds of adventures and learned new skills and languages. So you see, celibacy has been a gift—you’ve spent your life learning new things rather than wasting your time on romance.