What Are Effective Ways To Verbally Share Feelings With AS Partner?

[Ste11aeres]

That's the challenge … how do I know that he's interested in what Im sharing? It's hard for me to do that when the other person shows no interest

Well, one brutal truth about the world is you never know with certainty whether anyone's interested in what you're sharing. Some people show a great deal of interest but are doing that out of social politeness and deep aren't actually interested.
I would say, go ahead and share, but don't make it overwhelming, share in manageable doses. And later, a good sign is if the other person remembers some of the things you shared (not that it can always be guaranteed that they will show that, either, but sometimes they do show that).
The truth about life is you never know with absolute certainty what anyone is thinking/feeling. But the better you know and understand the person, the more accurate your beliefs about what they are thinking/feeling are likely to be.
( the following is a generalization, but it's often true) One frequent difference between NTs and Aspies is that Nts will often fake interest when they feel none, and Aspies will often fail to show interest when they really do feel it.
Also, me and my Aspie best friend for instance, have shared a lot of emotional stuff, but always when we were calm. We would talk about the emotion "I felt angry/sad", (insert emotion) etc but at the time of talking about it we were calm. I think that NTs often talk about the emotion in the very moment in which they are all swept up in the strength of that emotion, (it feels like they're flying off the handle) and that is precisely the moment when we Aspies feel overwhelmed have trouble dealing with such a conversation.

 

[Plumeria]

Well, one brutal truth about the world is you never know with certainty whether anyone's interested in what you're sharing. Some people show a great deal of interest but are doing that out of social politeness and deep aren't actually interested.
I would say, go ahead and share, but don't make it overwhelming, share in manageable doses. And later, a good sign is if the other person remembers some of the things you shared (not that it can always be guaranteed that they will show that, either, but sometimes they do show that).
The truth about life is you never know with absolute certainty what anyone is thinking/feeling. But the better you know and understand the person, the more accurate your beliefs about what they are thinking/feeling are likely to be.
( the following is a generalization, but it's often true) One frequent difference between NTs and Aspies is that Nts will often fake interest when they feel none, and Aspies will often fail to show interest when they really do feel it.
Also, me and my Aspie best friend for instance, have shared a lot of emotional stuff, but always when we were calm. We would talk about the emotion "I felt angry/sad", (insert emotion) etc but at the time of talking about it we were calm.

Yes, you've made some really good points here… You are right, we will never know what anyone else is thinking or if they are interested in what we are sharing but as you stated, NTs will often listen out of social politeness or for moral support. I have a friend who is very dramatic and stays in a very unhealthy relationship, she shares her drama with me constantly (especially during the times she is most emotional). Do I care about what she is saying? Not really, because she keeps repeating the same patterns over and over and she doest listen to any advice. Still, I listen because it helps her feel better and she is my friend.

Would I rather a friend fake interest rather than show no interest? I guess I wouldn't know if they were faking it… just the fact that they listened, (even if they didn't want to listen) shows me that they cared enough to at least "be there for me." If a friend was never interested in listening to me (emotionally support), I dont know how long they would remain a friend?

I understand that my ex could very well be interested in what I am talking about even if he is not responding or showing any interest at all. Its just so hard for me to keep talking without being asked any questions or given any cues that I should continue. I don't want to bore or annoy someone.

I think that NTs often talk about the emotion in the very moment in which they are all swept up in the strength of that emotion, (it feels like they're flying off the handle) and that is precisely the moment when we Aspies feel overwhelmed have trouble dealing with such a conversation.

This is very true, it is hard for NTs not to talk about the emotion as we are feeling it. I wish I could have kept my emotions inside until I had to time to calm down because I think this was one of the reasons that led to my breakup.

 

[Ste11aeres]

You know, Plumeria, it is sad that it was such a painful thing that led you to this forum, but I think it's been quite nice for us at AC. to get the chance to meet you.
We are often used to being misunderstood by NTs who don't try to understand, and it is quite heartening to meet people like yourself who have willingness and ability to learn to understand an Aspie/us Aspies.

 

[Plumeria]

You know, Plumeria, it is sad that it was such a painful thing that led you to this forum, but I think it's been quite nice for us at AC. to get the chance to meet you.
We are often used to being misunderstood by NTs who don't try to understand, and it is quite heartening to meet people like yourself who have willingness and ability to learn to understand an Aspie/us Aspies.

Thank you so much for the kind words Ste11aeres. I've read some negative threads about Aspies and it makes me sad knowing that much of it is misunderstanding and miscommunication. I am learning a lot about Aspies and one of the things that I do know (from those that I have met here and from my ex), you are all very kind, gentle people who have no intention to purposely hurt anyone… there is no underlying malice or hate. With my ex, I sensed a sort of innocence and pureness that made him different and special from any other man I've ever dated before. He may have said things that hurt my feelings a few times but they were not stated to purposely hurt me, he said them innocently and factually and I could not get mad at him for that. Unfortunately, as you mentioned, many NTs I know are fueled by their negative emotions, talk about them while feeling the strength of them, and ACT ON THEM WITH MALICE. "He did this to me so I am going to do this to him." I find it very sad.

I appreciate the positive environment on this forum and I think it is special. Many other forums that I've read, people like to share their "thoughts" (usually based on emotion and interpret a situation based on their past negative experiences) AND they love to tell people what to do. "Oh you need to stop talking to him, he's cheating on you, you need to forget him, he's just using you, he's making you look like a fool, you need to text him and tell him all the things he did you wrong, if you want him back, you need to …. etc." One thing I really appreciate about this forum is that most people say, "I cannot tell you why your ex did what he did, but I can tell you that I would have reacted the same way and here's why…" To me, that is more helpful than anyone judging the situation or telling me what I should do because it helps me understand. There is a strong sense of respect on this forum and I am very thankful for such wonderful people helping me through this hard time. Thank you so much, it really means a lot to me.

 

[GoodToGo]

HI,

I have been married 6 1/2 years to a man who has Asperger's syndrome. In the past few weeks he found out about his condition.

Reading this forum thread from you and the comments has helped me tremendously understand my partner better. I have been reading and watching videos about Asperger syndrome and it can be very confusing the material can be very comflicting. Each As person is different and so art NT's as well and I know we can't put anyone in a box.

Did you and your ex ever get back together?