What are the hurtful things that friends and family have told you?

[QueenOfFrance87]

Was he right?

Not really. I am not a virgin anymore, although I regret that since my ex was an unstable person, and I did make more friends since then. Due to COVID, they don't visit as much, but we do keep in touch a lot, and I honestly consider some of my relatives and pets friends. To quote Frosty Returns, one friend is more than enough, even though my two besties are twins.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I have a knack of saying the wrong thing.
I always say the wrong thing.
I am a clumsy [deleted five letter word].
I Have been threatened with the following from my dad “I will literally make you [deleted four letter word] yourself”
You are useless.
Idiot
Fool
Moron.
Instead of being the idiot that you are.
You can go to better places than your friends to be insulted
You are a victim you are vulnerable
You are not special you are not role model material
Easily manipulated
I hate you said many times
You have the brains of a frog
You have no common sense
Look at her she’s got the shakes set my mum to my sister
Stock Rocombe you look like a daa daa
You spas....
Cripple
This is getting too long I could write a lot more I got broughtnthe Darkside out in paper in people.

 

[Amphilyke]

That it tired people out to talk to me
Someone I loved said that they didn't trust me any more. And later that they couldn't "give me the attention I deserved"

 

[HappyHermit]

The hurtful things that have consistently been repeated to me by any number of people are

• that I'm too sensitive,
• that I'm always grumpy/in a bad mood.

Not so terrible at face value, but it wears at you through the years, particularly because it's usually used as a reproach. I am sensitive, but I fail to see how that is so terrible. But what most people mean, even if that's not how they phrase it, is they find it annoying when I show signs of sensory overload. Unfortunately, that isn't something I can help. After a certain point, I get actual physical reactions to it, like e.g. my heart racing, that I can't just decide to switch off. So then, when I take action to counter the stress (be it by removing myself from the situation or through (unobtrusive) breathing exercises or whatever), I'm being 'dramatic'. I'm not. I'm literally just trying to be without taking too much damage, just like the people who criticise me are. But apparently that's not allowed (without repercussions).

Which directly ties into me always being 'grumpy'. Partly that's true, I'm often not in a great mood because I find it difficult to live well in conditions that weren't just not made for me but are often diametrically opposed to what I would need to function better. But, strangely (to me), the accusation keeps coming even when I'm actually feeling fine and personally think I'm showing it. I'm firmly convinced this is partly sexist, not exclusively due to my fairly neutral expression at most times (which is often interpreted as some degree of angry or annoyed). Because when I look at how many men (most of whom will be neurotypical) look most of the time, I'm not enchanted either. But with men, that's more often correctly interpreted as 'neutral', whereas from women something more is expected. I do sometimes wonder if my smile is really such an abomination because sometimes I've literally been smiling and feeling quite happy at a time when someone, often even someone close to me, chooses to accuse me of being in a bad mood (again). Makes me feel like I can't win and, in darker moments, if I should even continue to bother anyone at all with my presence.

There have been dozens of hurtful accusations over the years that I believed to be unfounded, many of them repetitive, but those two I mentioned are the ones that have come up most often ever since I was a small child.

 

[Au Naturel]

I don't think it is useful to dwell on all the hurtful things that have been said. It keeps you trapped in the past. I could list almost every other nasty thing that has been reported here and add in a few more. But none of it matters. The past is dead. It cannot be changed. If you were hurt at some point - or even many points - you will always have been hurt at that point. Failing to let it go just means you reinjure yourself every time you remember it.

Scabs are there for a reason and picking them off just reopens the wound. Scars are nothing but evidence of survival. Letting go is difficult. That pain becomes as much a part of you as your nose and you don't want to lose it. That's very bad juju if you want your life to improve.

It took me decades to stop blaming my parents and moaning over the deficiencies and humiliations of my childhood. Once I did, it was as if a great burden that was crushing me had been lifted. I could stop blaming others for my unhappiness. They may have made me unhappy at the time but they could no longer make me unhappy right now. And you know, my parents and peers were as limited by their own anger, fear, ignorance, and insecurity as I was.

Accept it. Neutralize the emotional content. Understand that insults and rude comments are a product of the other person's shortcomings, not your own. Why should I let another person's deficiencies mess with my head?

 

[Ken]

I guess we all have such lists. One of my most hurtful was by my father, who would say, "When are you ever going to wake up and act like a normal human being." This was as a young child before I moved away. Each instance prompted suicidal plans. I guess due to my age and access to anything lethal prevented it. I felt hopeless because I didn't know what "normal" was much less how to act it.