I know women who changed overnight and love babies and find it a joy to care for them, but I think that is greatly accelerated by having a good theory of mind and other NT traits. I don't have the ability to get in my kids' heads so when they were young, it was a challenge finding a way to connect when they do the most illogical things or break down over everything.
Now that they're older and their concerns are more relatable, it's better, but it was and still is a long and hard journey for everyone involved - kids, spouse, myself.
I think you should look at strategies to perhaps change your fixation to be something more healthy. Even the wealthiest, luckiest people in the world have been destroyed by envy. Did you have hobbies in the past you used to enjoy?
Now that they're older and their concerns are more relatable, it's better, but it was and still is a long and hard journey for everyone involved - kids, spouse, myself.
I think you should look at strategies to perhaps change your fixation to be something more healthy. Even the wealthiest, luckiest people in the world have been destroyed by envy. Did you have hobbies in the past you used to enjoy?