Why am I so unlucky?

[Misty Avich]

I don't know. I have all sorts of mixed emotions.

 

[jsilver256]

I know women who changed overnight and love babies and find it a joy to care for them, but I think that is greatly accelerated by having a good theory of mind and other NT traits. I don't have the ability to get in my kids' heads so when they were young, it was a challenge finding a way to connect when they do the most illogical things or break down over everything.

Now that they're older and their concerns are more relatable, it's better, but it was and still is a long and hard journey for everyone involved - kids, spouse, myself.

I think you should look at strategies to perhaps change your fixation to be something more healthy. Even the wealthiest, luckiest people in the world have been destroyed by envy. Did you have hobbies in the past you used to enjoy?

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm glad envy is more common in people than I think, as I do feel alone in this. I've always been the envious type, probably because of getting diagnosed with Asperger's which is something no-one else in my family has, so the diagnosis makes me feel victimised for a start. So even if I had everything I'd still feel gloomy about my brain. If I think too deeply about it I'll commit suicide, so I shouldn't. I thought I was doing well; being married, having the job I always wanted (even though it's minimum wage), and even coming to terms with the cruelty of life, and not being the angry mentally ill maniac I was 10-12 years ago. Now ever since I heard about this baby my previous thoughts and feelings of hopelessness has returned.

I do have hobbies. I don't choose to fixate on what my cousins are doing. Often my emotions aren't always connected to my thoughts, so I could be distracting my mind from things and thinking logically, but still feel hopeless and sad.