Words Do Matter

[Gerald Wilgus]

It sounds like the way guys acted in the past made them stronger and more resilient which would explain why rates of mental illness were much lower than they are today. I think you provided good evidence that PC softness and sensitivity may be making people weaker and more likely to develop emotional problems/mental illness. You make a good case that we should go back to encouraging people to be themselves and act naturally.

This is so off base. Please provide the citation for these assertions. The implication is that cruel insults somehow is people acting naturally. That is merely defining deviancy down.

As one receiving cruelties, sometimes given with a smile, and aimed at areas where I felt inadequate as a consequence of my neurology, they certainly hurt me. I ended up battering those that acted so naturally with whatever weapon that was handy, eventually getting into some real trouble, but when the judge looked into the behavior of those scum compared to my reputation, charges were dropped.

 

[Matthias]

This is so off base. Please provide the citation for these assertions. The implication is that cruel insults somehow is people acting naturally. That is merely defining deviancy down.

As one receiving cruelties, sometimes given with a smile, and aimed at areas where I felt inadequate as a consequence of my neurology, they certainly hurt me. I ended up battering those that acted so naturally with whatever weapon that was handy, eventually getting into some real trouble, but when the judge looked into the behavior of those scum compared to my reputation, charges were dropped.

It's common for the mentally well to tease each other and feel better when they are teased. The fact that people do it without being taught and that it's beneficial is sufficient evidence it is a natural act.

The fact that some people misinterpret harmless teasing and catastrophize it due to cognitive distortions and false perceptions and suffer hurt feelings as a result of their own beliefs and the way they chose to think about it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it.

 

[maycontainthunder]

It's common for the mentally well to tease each other and feel better when they are teased. The fact that people do it without being taught and that it's beneficial is sufficient evidence it is a natural act.

The fact that some people misinterpret harmless teasing and catastrophize it due to cognitive distortions and false perceptions and suffer hurt feelings as a result of their own beliefs and the way they chose to think about it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it.

Teasing is a very serious form of bullying. Have you ever been bullied in this way?

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

For me, it depends on who's doing the insulting. If it's not one of the few people that are important to me, then anything a person says will have no effect on me. I've been verbally abused by random morons all my life, but I can't remember anything they said. But if my best friend were to say a single insult, it would stick to me for life. Alternatively, I find physical abuse more scarring. The fear, shame, and embarrassment of being beaten up is far more scarring than whatever meaningless slander they manage to come up with to fill the silence.

As bad as words are, physical violence has the potential to wreak permanent damage to bodies that can last a lifetime or even end a life. I find physical violence terrifying and much worse than words.

This is not to minimize the searing effects of parental, spousal, societal words that can be used to harm us, which is also destructive and can last a lifetime.

 

[Matthias]

Teasing is a very serious form of bullying.

I disagree. I think some people misinterpret teasing as bullying and think it's very serious due to their tendency to magnify or catastrophize everything.

Have you ever been bullied in this way?

I used to misinterpret teasing as bullying but have since corrected my error and now feel better when people tease me.

 

[maycontainthunder]

I disagree. I think some people misinterpret teasing as bullying and think it's very serious due to their tendency to magnify or catastrophize everything.

Really? Well, IT CAUSED ME TO TRY AND TAKE MY LIFE ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION YOU IGNORANT FOOL. It is in no way misinterpreted. When you tease someone for being different IT CAN LEAVE DEEP MENTAL SCARS. The mind is the greatest tool we have. You can fix broken bones but mental scars often never heal leading to a life-long hell.

TEASING. IS. BULLYING. This is not open to argument or debate. This is FACT. Some people may not be bothered by it but I was and so were countless numbers of other people.

I used to misinterpret teasing as bullying but have since corrected my error and now feel better when people tease me.

TO OTHERS IT ISN'T AN ERROR.

 

[Darkkin]

Off handed comments about serious mental illness demean those actually struggling.

Offering to explain to someone exactly how and why they are pathological, especially when one has zero qualifications to do so, again, isn't funny, but to some it seems like a really good joke.

'Jokes' and 'advice' like that can and do trigger people, particularly those effected by trauma and self harm.

Nowhere to put the emotions, what is the only thing that doesn't matter? How many of us can say, well, me. I don't matter so the damage is moot, right?

No one is going to notice or care, but most importantly nothing and no one was harmed or affected. Not sure what the term for the pathology of having a conscience is, but the whole point is not to annoy, distress, frighten, upset, or otherwise discommode anyone or anything.

When do people start to matter? After they sit down and take notes on their pathological issues from internet sources? After they have been properly schooled and shown correct communication skills? Exactly how to say it, what to say, and when to say it? What is the defined criteria and how does one apply?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Off handed comments about serious mental illness demean those actually struggling.

Offering to explain to someone exactly how and why they are pathological, especially when one has zero qualifications to do so, again, isn't funny, but to some it seems like a really good joke.

'Jokes' and 'advice' like that can and do trigger people, particularly those effected by trauma and self harm.

Nowhere to put the emotions, what is the only thing that doesn't matter? How many of us can say, well, me. I don't matter so the damage is moot, right?

No one is going to notice or care, but most importantly nothing and no one was harmed or affected. Not sure what the term for the pathology of having a conscience is, but the whole point is not to annoy, distress, frighten, upset, or otherwise discommode anyone or anything.

When do people start to matter? After they sit down and take notes on their pathological issues from internet sources? After they have been properly schooled and shown correct communication skills? Exactly how to say it, what to say, and when to say it? What is the defined criteria and how does one apply?

I had to learn that people matter at a pretty low point in my life when I did not feel like part of the world. I am so ashamed of things I've done and this is some very strong negative emotions such that I let karma teach me a lesson I needed.

 

[Matthias]

My intention was to help by sharing what I learned. I had absolutely no desire to demean, trigger, or harm anyone. I think it's best I avoid commenting further on this topic.

 

[Fino]

I'm wondering if people are operating under different definitions of "teasing."

 

[Fino]

I agree. CBT only helps people who want to get better. Irrational thinkers who stubbornly cling to their distorted beliefs will not get better until they stop blaming other people for their problems, admit that they are the problem, are willing to listen to reason, and make an effort to learn how to think rationally.



You must have me confused with someone else. I am a big believer in science.

The idea that you don't believe in science originates from a thread in which you disagreed with Gerald on climate change and in response, he said you were a science-denier.

 

[Progster]

I'm wondering if people are operating under different definitions of "teasing."

Exactly. There's a big difference between banter - a kind of friendly teasing where there is a mutual understanding that it's in good spirit - and teasing, which encompasses sarcasm, snide remarks, name calling, etc. This is bullying.

Banter is only banter where there is a mutual understanding that it is in good spirit and both parties accept/recognise it as such, otherwise it is teasing/bullying.

 

[maycontainthunder]

Sorry if I triggered anyone with my past post in this thread.

As others have pointed out, there is a line. The issue is that this line varies from person to person. Some have a high threshold others don't. In my case it was intentional and malicious teasing because I was 'different' by circa 20 people at school.

Regarding banter... not everyone sees it this way. I certainly don't. I can take a joke... sometimes.

 

[Knower of nothing]

I am thinking the effects of words on a person's psyche is highly individualized. If you were to talk to people who grew up prior to the 1980's and 90's,...like myself,...our world was immersed in very open, racial, insulting, and derogatory language. Free speech was,...free speech,...there was no filter,...from anyone. We just grew up desensitized to it. That said, we had other coping mechanisms,...we didn't discuss religion and politics,...those were taboo, private things. We didn't have any problem, at all, with physical confrontation. We didn't have computers and cell phones,...we had to deal with people face-to-face. So, the people that tended to be the most obnoxious were the people who thought they could also defend themselves when the person they insulted were ready for a physical confrontation. Those that couldn't handle themselves physically,...just kept their mouths shut.

It's a different world out there.

I think people underestimate how broken their personalities became from growing up like that. It's night and day with someone that still retains their natural born self-respect. This process of social hierarchy establishment is meant to erase pride so those on the lower rung will become docile and accept their lesser rights. The effects sometimes last a lifetime. You only need to know more people to find how frequent their greatest obstacles are these walls of self-doubt or self-hate the foundation of which was laid that early on.

 

[Thinx]

I agree. CBT only helps people who want to get better. Irrational thinkers who stubbornly cling to their distorted beliefs will not get better until they stop blaming other people for their problems, admit that they are the problem, are willing to listen to reason, and make an effort to learn how to think rationally.



You must have me confused with someone else. I am a big believer in science.

Posts 20 22 and 25 in the thread, 'Let's say you think you have a cure for... ANYTHING' say otherwise. Plus as someone with no qualifications or experience that are related to therapy or CBT or autism, your ideas and opinions on this area need to be owned as a little bit of personal experience. Did you have CBT therapy maybe?

 

[Fino]

Posts 20 22 and 25 in the thread, 'Let's say you think you have a cure for... ANYTHING' say otherwise. Plus as someone with no qualifications or experience that are related to therapy or CBT or autism, your ideas and opinions on this area need to be owned as a little bit of personal experience. Did you have CBT therapy maybe?

That's kind of odd to say he has no experience related to autism. Or has he said before that he's not autistic? And I've believe he's said several times that he had CBT and it helped him.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

That's kind of odd to say he has no experience related to autism. Or has he said before that he's not autistic? And I've believe he's said several times that he had CBT and it helped him.

I think Matthias can speak for himself. The context of Thinx content does not imply any autist does not have experience with autism, but rather was questioning credentials for therapy in the field. Why are you constructing a strawman argument rather than understanding what is written?

 

[Fino]

I think Matthias can speak for himself. The context of Thinx content does not imply any autist does not have experience with autism, but rather was questioning credentials for therapy in the field. Why are you constructing a strawman argument rather than understanding what is written?

You'd make an excellent teacher. "Why are you saying the wrong thing and not just understanding it immediately?" *child cries*

 

[Thinx]

I think @GeraldWilgus was trying to give the probable meaning and context of my post. He was correct.

 

[velociraptor]

Teasing is a very serious form of bullying. Have you ever been bullied in this way?

I've learned to do the teasing thing with my male NT friends. I just had to rewire my thinking so that I understand a photographer friend calling me a [censored] when I show him a photo I've taken actually means he loves the photo and thinks the only thing wrong with it is that it's in my portfolio rather than his. It also helps that I have learned to read body language / microexpressions and know that I'm being shown affection while being called the horrible thing.

Edit: Fixed a typo that was bothering me.