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Would I be better or more miserable if I admit I will accept I will never have a girlfriend?

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Tony Ramirez

Tony Ramirez

Forever Alone Aspie
V.I.P Member
I know women don't like me. Especially romantically. If I admit it, will I be happier that I will be single for life or will I be more miserable? I think I will be more miserable because of the constant reminders of going out seeing couples and people I know developing relationships and having kids. It will just make things worse as I age.

I will try new things and go to new places but I will encounter the same type of people. Couples, married women, single men, old people and women who won't give me the time of time and it will just repeat its self. Now I will just wait for the usual replies from the posters here who have a spouse giving me the same advice that I am not trying hard enough.
 
Do whatever you feel will make you feel better. I think coming to terms that it is a possibility might make you feel better. If it happens it happens. Sometimes all the effort in the world is meaningless when it comes to relationships. And being too persistent about these things is not good
 
Four facts:

1. You don't know you will never have a girlfriend. That would be impossible to know.

2. Many people meet their girlfriends/boyfriends online nowadays. I did. Life is not often like a romantic movie where two people bump into each other at a bookstore and fall wildly in love.

3. There are neurodivergent women out there who also feel like you do. Why don't you focus on finding a neurodivergent woman who is in a similar situation to you?

4. Until you do find a girlfriend, you can be happy and still find joy and meaning in life. Let a girlfriend be additional happiness to you and not the only means of happiness.
 
If you literally accepted the idea, then by definition I think you'd be ok with it.

The older I get the more apparent it is to me as to how fast life, the only one each of us has, goes. If I were in your position I can say that I would absolutely accept the possibility that I would never be in a romantic relationship. The reason I'd accept it? To move on with my life and make with it/for it what I can before I die. Because the last thing I'd want on my "death bed" is to look back on my life as a complete failure because of one single thing: I didn't ever have a girlfriend/wife. That to me would be a complete tragedy because of all the opportunities I would have had in my own life to enjoy life.

I may have very little to no real control over getting a girlfriend or a wife, but...I do have control over making choices about how I want to live my life each day. Focusing on that would be the utmost importance to me. We only get one of these....and the clock...is...ticking. We're responsible for our own happiness. There is no person we can complain to at the end our our respective lives about how our life sucked and expect some sort of "do-over". There are no "do-overs". This is it. Enjoy as many things each day that are good as you can. Focus on that as a priority.
 
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Tony Ramirez said:
I was going to try it during the summer but after reading the horror stories and how more men then women sign up. How women only look for handsome me. I'm ugly. I did not even attempt otherwise I might as gone as far as concerned suicide due to no reply.
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Some things in life we have to experience for ourselves. There are horror stories about everything. There are yoga horror stories. Does that mean you therefore should avoid yoga? No.

There are neurodivergent women out there who also feel insecure in their looks and are looking for a deeper relationship, one not just based on "good looks." Maybe there is an autistic dating website or app that could work for you.
 
I accepted the idea that having a boyfriend or a life partner will not work for me. While this was something that I thought I wanted in the past, the reality of maintaining a long-term romantic relationship with someone is not actually something I want to do.

Accepting this idea allowed me to feel free from focusing on something that was missing. Instead, I can focus on filling my life with other things that actually make my life better… like platonic friendships, my physical health, and my hobbies.

I don’t have to decide my entire future forever right now but I think acceptance can be a very freeing thing.
 
I think more than accepting something a person can make peace with it.

As someone has already stated, you can't see the future. You don't know you will never meet someone. You might think it unlikely, but that's not knowing. That's simply not possible.

But you (and others on this board) are carrying a lot of anger and desperation and it's an unattractive look on people. Other people can see it and it's off-putting.

The best thing anyone can do is to become comfortable with themselves. People who are comfortable are more relaxed and other people will be able to see that. it doesn't mean that people will be drawn to you and immediately want to be your friend, but it does mean that your behavior won't drive people away.

People need to have hobbies and interests that aren't simply focused on finding a girlfriend. Do things that make you happy. I have started baking cakes for disadvantaged children personally. It takes up time and it allows me to be creative. Plus I hope that somewhere a child is happy to get a birthday cake when they may not otherwise have had one. And it puts my mind somewhere outside of my intrusive thoughts.

You're unhappy partly because you're trying too hard to solve an unsolvable puzzle. Relax.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I know women don't like me. Especially romantically. If I admit it, will I be happier that I will be single for life or will I be more miserable? I think I will be more miserable because of the constant reminders of going out seeing couples and people I know developing relationships and having kids. It will just make things worse as I age.

I will try new things and go to new places but I will encounter the same type of people. Couples, married women, single men, old people and women who won't give me the time of time and it will just repeat its self. Now I will just wait for the usual replies from the posters here who have a spouse giving me the same advice that I am not trying hard enough.
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You should keep going to church.

You are wrong. You are a very lovely and sensitive man and you know what their must be some amazing lady out there waiting for you.
You know because you have to wait so long that means it must be very special.
You are worthwhile and valuable, do not forget it
And I believe there must be a very nice woman out there waiting for you.
I know it is lonely waiting....
But do not give up hope.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Not after the advice here.
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/im-petrified-to-even-try-online-dating.44390/
I was going to try it during the summer but after reading the horror stories and how more men then women sign up. How women only look for handsome me. I'm ugly. I did not even attempt otherwise I might as gone as far as concerned suicide due to no reply.
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You may think you are ugly
But nice woman do not just go on the superficial.
The best women will want you because you are nice and decent.
I am so sorry some woman judge on that alone and will not be happy with a nice man, I apologise for the women race.
On the flip side, you could always try to dress nice and wear a nice scent to attract someone nice
But the best person will love you for you but make sure your hygiene is good if you go out and about.

Really people on here may say have more confidence etc but I think just be you
Because if you ever met someone, they need to love you for you.
 
Why not try accepting it for a while and see how you feel? You can always change your mind later and go back to trying to find a date if you decide to.
 
If you are a believer,
you could leave the matter in the hands of God, and pray for it, "God if you want me to get married, bring someone to my life".
A bad relationship is worse than none, you can mess with your life a lot picking the wrong person yourself.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Trust me no woman Christian or otherwise wants to be with me in a romantic way. They don't even want to be in a friendly relationship. Single woman are just acquaintances to me and they are few and far between.
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That is what you may tell yourself but it is probably not true.
Why do you say it?
Based on appearance?
You may think that but one day you will find someone who will change your point your view.
Some woman will just be on the look out for a nice and genuine man, not someone perfect in their looks or otherwise.
Some woman who finds someone genuine has gold.
 
NB79 said:
If you are a believer,
you could leave the matter in the hands of God, and pray for it, "God if you want me to get married, bring someone to my life".
A bad relationship is worse than none, you can mess with your life a lot picking the wrong person yourself.
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That is so true, if you pray to God for someone good, I genuinely do think He will provide in His timing.
As long as it is His will
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
A reminder that I have always hated this phrase or quote "there's someone for everyone"
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That's advice for NTs to give to NT teenagers.
Useful in the right context, but not correct often enough for us.

IMO listening to NT-centric advice about human interactions is more likely to be misleading than useful.
It's not all wrong all the time, but we are not generally well equipped to separate the good from the bad.
 
It's a reminder how my mindset and perspective has changed towards dating and relationships or courtship and seduction but I get very annoyed and irritated or enraged whenever people call it a skill set or a skill or a learnable skill or something you learn.

It's long and difficult to explain
 
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