Would I be better or more miserable if I admit I will accept I will never have a girlfriend?

[Tony Ramirez]

I joined seven clubs/groups total the four years and eight months I been socializing waiting for a girlfriend. Five of them I heard from people the reasons I joined was to get a girlfriend first not to enjoy the club/group first. Same stinking outcome.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I know I'm definitely going to sound sexist for saying this but over the years I have had the mindset in which I like to think that women are the only gender that are owed relationship since for all time women are the ones that get offers and how are always on the receiving end of sexual attention

 

[Kalinychta]

I know I'm definitely going to sound sexist for saying this but over the years I have had the mindset in which I like to think that women are the only gender that are owed relationship since for all time women are the ones that get offers and how are always on the receiving end of sexual attention

Are you saying that’s a good thing or a bad thing, or were you just making an observation?

 

[mw2530]

I know I'm definitely going to sound sexist for saying this but over the years I have had the mindset in which I like to think that women are the only gender that are owed relationship since for all time women are the ones that get offers and how are always on the receiving end of sexual attention

Can it be sexist if it is generally a true statement? Well maybe so in today's extreme politically correct society. A friend once said that when it comes to reproduction, females are much more important than males. It sounds crude, but true that in theory one male could father 100's or 1000's of children, but would take 100's or 1000's of females to do so. So perhaps that is the root cause of males generally having it more difficult when it comes to dating and mating. Now in terms of raising a child, a male figure has been shown to be very important as children without fathers in their lives perform poorer than their peers with fathers, on average. At least that is my understanding based on what I have read and the studies that have been done.

 

[Kalinychta]

Can it be sexist if it is generally a true statement? Well maybe so in today's extreme politically correct society. A friend once said that when it comes to reproduction, females are much more important than males. It sounds crude, but true that in theory one male could father 100's or 1000's of children, but would take 100's or 1000's of females to do so. So perhaps that is the root cause of males generally having it more difficult when it comes to dating and mating. Now in terms of raising a child, a male figure has been shown to be very important as children without fathers in their lives perform poorer than their peers with fathers, on average. At least that is my understanding based on what I have read and the studies that have been done.

I think your other post on this thread was great, and I hope Tony takes it to heart.
And I know “the grass seems greener” for women, but trust me, it is not. Just because we don’t have the same problems as you doesn’t mean we don’t have problems unique to us.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

A comment is sexist if it makes judgments based on sex, whether it's true or not. As far as women being owed relationships, I don't think that can be true. If it was, we'd feel obligation, not attraction. Desire would be irrelevant and responsibility would be everything. The idea that women are always getting offers or receiving attention doesn't match reality, either. This seems to come more from personal experience than human experience and history.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Are you saying that’s a good thing or a bad thing, or were you just making an observation?

Just making observation

 

[Kalinychta]

Just making observation

To what end?

 

[paloftoon]

Not after the advice here.
https://www.autismforums.com/threads/im-petrified-to-even-try-online-dating.44390/
I was going to try it during the summer but after reading the horror stories and how more men then women sign up. How women only look for handsome me. I'm ugly. I did not even attempt otherwise I might as gone as far as concerned suicide due to no reply.

If you look presently like you do in that profile pic, as a gay man, I'm physically attracted to it.
Most people who have a date are generally attracted to someone with a job too. Are you working? Are you able to be independent?
There are probably other people in a situation similar enough to yours, but you need to find them. You said in another post that grandmothers started talking to you. So, I guess if you could be into 70-90s+, then you can probably have a girlfriend. Otherwise, consider casual 'dating' instead and working on aspects of your life that could help you be more attractive.
At least you don't have racial discrimination like I do, it would appear. That is not something I can control, and I have to deal with this.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I seem to attract men. That's the problem. Men turn me off 100%. I don't even like to hang out with them and rather hang out with a woman but most of the time they want to hang out with me. I don't like that.

 

[paloftoon]

I seem to attract men. That's the problem. Men turn me off 100%. I don't even like to hang out with them and rather hang out with a woman but most of the time they want to hang out with me. I don't like that.

This is a really good profile pic of you, Tony.
In one of your other posts, you mentioned how you were happier being open to all kinds of people and not just the people who attract you. People that are attracted to you might notice that you aren't open to building platonic friendships with men, and nuances like these can matter, a lot. Some women you might be interested in having male friends, and it could be a barrier for them to want to be with you. I sense you fear that other men would be competition for you. It is somewhat of a male instinct. Try to be more open to working with people, male or female. You don't have to want to be in a romantic (or casual if you do that) connection with a man, but try to be more open to it.

Generally speaking, women like emotions more. Men like to have things and be physical sooner.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

To what end?

Well I feel that nature obligates women to a relationship but not men because women are the ones that get pursued and hit on or just always have offers but men never get offers from women since men normally don't have women throwing themselves at them

 

[Neri]

Well I feel that nature obligates women to a relationship but not men because women are the ones that get pursued and hit on or just always have offers but men never get offers from women since men normally don't have women throwing themselves at them

Some guys do. My guy always has, but he's also autistic and didn't figure that out until middle age.
Some women don't too. But in general women are fussier because we have to be. It's a survival thing. We can get pregnant and even die from it, we need to pick a man who will not abandon us and who will provide, if we do get pregnant.

It's purely biologically based. It's survival instinct. Men will ensure they survive, genetically, if they work to impregnate women and women have to be discerning so they aren't left in a survival-threatening situation. The fact that we have (very recently) had birth control available doesn't factor into it. We are talking millenia of evolutionary development here.

And then there is the risk of predation for women. That's what frightened me into my long term abuse relationship that had me pregnant 7 times. I was constantly being predated on because I was a 16 yr old autistic girl with no family looking out for me, so I picked the predatory guy that (I thought) had the most going for him.

 

[Kalinychta]

Well I feel that nature obligates women to a relationship but not men because women are the ones that get pursued and hit on or just always have offers but men never get offers from women since men normally don't have women throwing themselves at them

I don’t think that’s nature. There are all kinds of vile words in every language for women who are romantically or sexually assertive. Guilt, shame, and fear prevent us from going after what we want in that regard.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

While I did have a girlfriend eventually a part of me still feels like a forever chronically single person because I feel I didn't grow up having a normal youth in terms of a dating life.

As in, didn't have my first relationship around the time people are normally expected to have their first relationships such as teenage years or the beginning of your 20s.

Yes I am completely aware when people make the statement or statement such as comparison as the thief of Joy or don't compare yourself to others.

Yes I'm completely aware of those statements and I feel they don't help at all.

I didn't really get a second date with a woman until I was 29 and that relationship only lasted for a couple of months but first relationship for more than a year was at 33 but it didn't feel like a true relationship because the woman had a mostly asexual personality.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It just seems like every new woman I meet has a boyfriend or husband. Like tonight when I went out. She had a husband. So when I got home I snapped at my sister and father and I am in a bad mood.

 

[Hypnalis]

Tony

You're not being realistic about the M/F dynamic you're experiencing.

I'm sure other people have told you this before. I certainly have. You've never followed up on the discussion.

I'm also sure you've been given useless advice - like "there's someone out there for everybody". But that's unavoidable - it's an unfortunate side-effect of the communication styles of a lot of people (probably a majority).

Which leaves you in a difficult, but not impossible situation.
You're definitely capable of learning more, and improving your overall attractiveness for pair-bonding..
You're probably capable of self-improvement in the area of social skills (which is essential).
You might be capable of managing your inappropriate reactions to disappointments (I can't tell from the forum).

But nobody else can taker your steps for you. Nobody else can shorten the path (you still have a lot to do). Nobody else can change your maximum potential,

Don't outsource your life goals to other people.

Win or lose, you have to take control, and you have to be accountable to yourself.

 

[Cryptid]

You're definitely capable of learning more, and improving your overall attractiveness for pair-bonding..
You're probably capable of self-improvement in the area of social skills (which is essential).
You might be capable of managing your inappropriate reactions to disappointments (I can't tell from the forum).

But nobody else can taker your steps for you. Nobody else can shorten the path (you still have a lot to do). Nobody else can change your maximum potential,

Don't outsource your life goals to other people.

Win or lose, you have to take control, and you have to be accountable to yourself.

Words to live by. This victim mentality that people embrace is the root of their problems (imho).

I had to stop thinking of myself as a victim and start thinking of myself as a survivor to get myself out of my virtual dungeon of gloom before I could begin to attract others and find the right woman.

And it worked!

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Man I really am being resent couples in their teens and early twenties

 

[mw2530]

While I did have a girlfriend eventually a part of me still feels like a forever chronically single person because I feel I didn't grow up having a normal youth in terms of a dating life.

As in, didn't have my first relationship around the time people are normally expected to have their first relationships such as teenage years or the beginning of your 20s.

Yes I am completely aware when people make the statement or statement such as comparison as the thief of Joy or don't compare yourself to others.

Yes I'm completely aware of those statements and I feel they don't help at all.

I didn't really get a second date with a woman until I was 29 and that relationship only lasted for a couple of months but first relationship for more than a year was at 33 but it didn't feel like a true relationship because the woman had a mostly asexual personality.

Yes, it seems like many of us, probably most of us did not have a typical dating life as a young adult. For the rest of my days on this earth, I will live with the realty of missing out on the experience of having relationships while still a young adult. I can go periods where this does not bother me, but the deep emotional pain and trauma seems to eventually resurface again and again. As we all age, we are typically burdened with more responsibilities and eventually our bodies deteriorate. This gives me the impression that I missed out on the best years of life. Yeah sure, some may say that is not a healthy way to think, but sure go ahead and convict me.

As for the future, I don't feel a whole lot of hope either. The current dating environment is just plain toxic. All the dating apps just end up being a waste of time. There seems to be a devaluation and lack of interest in maintaining or establishing a traditional nuclear family. There seems to be a plain lack of long term thinking or discipline in our society.