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What are the hurtful things that friends and family have told you?

Ursus Chainus

Ursus Chainus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Because of a recent painful experience, I have compiled a list of hurtful things people I thought that cared about me have said.

I feel the main issue we have in being ASD is experiential invalidation. This means that our experiences are not believed because social stuff is second nature to most. This means that people think that we are thinking or doing things that are stupid, "crazy" or intense because somehow we are flawed.

I am a kind and compassionate person, first and foremost. I am strong as hell because I have survived so much. It hurts when people tell me... "You are so X" or "You are not X enough" or "You are too little X". They cannot read me just as I cannot read them. They then assume I do things for the same reasons that NTs do things. I actually have no real reasons other than I don't know how to express myself appropriately. I have no intentions. I have no subtlety. I do not read between the lines or write between them. I am totally WYSIWYG.

Here is a partial list:
You are too arrogant
You are too sensitive (I like to say I am sensitive but NOT fragile)
You are sappy
You are too intense (I would rather be intense than insipid)
You are a bubble boy
You are too distant
You are too close
You are too nice
You are mean
You are offensive
You are a pervert (mostly my parents said this when I was a kid)
You are needy (this one gets me, I don't need people like NTs do)
What am I supposed to do with that? (when saying something that I felt was caring!)
Don't you have any self respect?
You just don't give a crap, do you?
You are not dumb, there is no way you are autistic
Why do you say such stupid things?
You think too much
Why not just think the way most people do (said when I was explaining one of my many theories)

At my age, I am tired of trying to "fix" myself to be appropriate. It is simple... I never learned NT rules and honestly... I really don't care to. They are massively complex and not worth the time. I focus on being a person who does the right things for the right reasons in this world. As a white dude, I have a lot of privilege in being able to just give up trying... I know it is MUCH harder for my aspie sisters and minority aspie brothers and sisters!

Wouldn't it be nice to just be ourselves?
 
Ursus Chainus said:
Because of a recent painful experience, I have compiled a list of hurtful things people I thought that cared about me have said.

I feel the main issue we have in being ASD is experiential invalidation. This means that our experiences are not believed because social stuff is second nature to most. This means that people think that we are thinking or doing things that are stupid, "crazy" or intense because somehow we are flawed.

I am a kind and compassionate person, first and foremost. I am strong as hell because I have survived so much. It hurts when people tell me... "You are so X" or "You are not X enough" or "You are too little X". They cannot read me just as I cannot read them. They then assume I do things for the same reasons that NTs do things. I actually have no real reasons other than I don't know how to express myself appropriately. I have no intentions. I have no subtlety. I do not read between the lines or write between them. I am totally WYSIWYG.

Here is a partial list:
You are too arrogant
You are too sensitive (I like to say I am sensitive but NOT fragile)
You are sappy
You are too intense (I would rather be intense than insipid)
You are a bubble boy
You are too distant
You are too close
You are too nice
You are mean
You are offensive
You are a pervert (mostly my parents said this when I was a kid)
You are needy (this one gets me, I don't need people like NTs do)
What am I supposed to do with that? (when saying something that I felt was caring!)
Don't you have any self respect?
You just don't give a crap, do you?
You are not dumb, there is no way you are autistic
Why do you say such stupid things?
You think too much
Why not just think the way most people do (said when I was explaining one of my many theories)

At my age, I am tired of trying to "fix" myself to be appropriate. It is simple... I never learned NT rules and honestly... I really don't care to. They are massively complex and not worth the time. I focus on being a person who does the right things for the right reasons in this world. As a white dude, I have a lot of privilege in being able to just give up trying... I know it is MUCH harder for my aspie sisters and minority aspie brothers and sisters!

Wouldn't it be nice to just be ourselves?
Click to expand...

Just out of curiosity. Would you say we're stronger as in willpower for what we have to endure?
 
Wolfsage said:
Just out of curiosity. Would you say we're stronger as in willpower for what we have to endure?
Click to expand...
I think so... never let anyone tell you anything negative about yourself. You are much stronger than people who have so much given to them in a world made for them.
 
There's lots so if you don't want to be triggered, you don't have to read.










I've got no common sense.
I just "don't think"
I always say the wrong thing
Stupid
Idiot
Loser
You always get caught out
Why can't you stop moving
I have never met anyone like you in all of my 22 years of teaching.
Lunatic
Spaz and variations on that name
Little Plank
Licker
Mental Case
Psychpath
Flash in the pan
Baby
I don't like you.
I'm going to get my head kicked in
Instead of being the idiot that you are
Who do you think you are
You're trying to be something you are not.
I hate you.
Go and crawl in a corner and die.
You are a white slave.
You are my slave
You are easily manipulated.
You're nothing special.
Greedy
Nosey
Get your knickers in a knot
You haven't been the best daughter (after my mum felt I thought she was a sh1t mother)
I'll depress you, in response to being depressed
Dad-I'm depressed boo hoo!
me-Top yourself then (bad thing to say) I said do something about it afterwards.
Patronised loads.
Talked down to loads.
Him-I'll break a bottle and stick it up your ar5e
Dad-I will smack you in the mouth
Dad - I will make you **** yourself, literally
Dad - Shut that door or I will make you
Dad - get a plate for this mince pie you idiot on video cam
Dad - I used you
Dad - I study you
No one listens to you
Who asked your opinion
No one likes you
You little spastic
Moron
Fool
Specky c8nt and hit on head with hard thing which hurt
You stink
**** is not interested in you, by friend in front of bloke
I'm embarrassed for you
You die
I'm gonna knack you if you don't do ....
You can't even turn round on a bike
Funny walker
Looney
Nutcase
You are in a world of your own
Stop fiddling with your earrings
Stop biting your nails
Stop fidgeting
I even think a teacher said he hated me when trying to tell him a girl bullied me into stealing an excercise book
You puff (when puff meant wet)
You're a drip
She hasn't got the guts to spit
You are irresponsible
Scatterbrain
Teacher mimicking me as I cant sit still and letting a kid mimic me for biting my nails
SORRY JUST THOUGHT OF SOME MORE YOU DONT HAVE TO READ THEM IF THEY DRAG YOU DOWN.
F8cking drug addict
Get a grip
Shut up
Online-No one listens to you (offline above)
Troll (problems unusual so I can understand people thinking I am troll, couldn't troll to save my life)
Grow up
Slap head
Psycho
Stupid *****
Selfish *****
Self centred and obsessed from narc father
I despair of you
Dead loss
You are deteriorating
You've got more personality in your little finger than Gift2humanity
You don't have a personality
Your friend has the personality you have the looks
We all make mistakes but you make whoppers (is the word I think my boss used)
Dippy
Scatty
many sexual insults
You look like a fool

I'll stop now, the list could be endless if I keep thinking of more
 
Last edited:
You are intense
You know what's wrong with you
Witch
Came and threatened
Carrie (referring to being different comparing someone very introvert with telekinesis who is a murderer)
Lesbian
Cat woman ,(disrespectful tone )
Used a disrespectful gesture
Yes what do you want (disrespectful tone)
Are you a nun disrespectful tone facial expression
Troll (apparently you are allowed to be passionate about certain subjects )
Sarcasm by a forum administrator.
 
I've been told I'm a crybaby, that I'm a princess (as in delicate), that I'm quiet and cold and robotic in my behavior (I'm like super nice! I just can't socialize...)
 
Yes, it has happened with the idea of just passing comments or just for conversation.

One person said that I would not cope with this person's brothers, for they are always laughing at people, because I am too sensitive. Sadly, at that time, I agreed that I would not be able to cope, but AFTERWARDS, when I got to thinking about it, I thought: no, it is not me being too sensitive; it would be them being too insensitive, so in fact, they are the ones who should check themselves.

Being sensitive, always has a negative connotaion, but when one truly thinks about it, it is actually a positive trait. Oh, there are different sensitives. One, that I have encountered is like gaslighting sensitivity and that is certainly not positive.

I have been also told that I am too deep, but what is wrong with that?
 
Suzanne said:
Yes, it has happened with the idea of just passing comments or just for conversation.

One person said that I would not cope with this person's brothers, for they are always laughing at people, because I am too sensitive. Sadly, at that time, I agreed that I would not be able to cope, but AFTERWARDS, when I got to thinking about it, I thought: no, it is not me being too sensitive; it would be them being too insensitive, so in fact, they are the ones who should check themselves.

Being sensitive, always has a negative connotaion, but when one truly thinks about it, it is actually a positive trait. Oh, there are different sensitives. One, that I have encountered is like gaslighting sensitivity and that is certainly not positive.

I have been also told that I am too deep, but what is wrong with that?
Click to expand...
Aww
I got told I think too deep and not to psychoananlyse myself, Dad wants me to have identity problems, no sense of self has he had none and those types can't help being nasty behaved, they have PD's dark ones.
 
l am a horrible person because l can't be manipulated. I think too much. l don't believe the lies shoved to me with shovels. No matter how much my buttons are pushed or much l am gaslighted l still move forward without those (who push me around). No - l won't date or chase you just because you have this or do that or look like that. This is in response to a guy at my job that talked about, l own this, l look like this, etc, etc, etc. No, l am not going to be friends with your ex-wife. Get real.
 
Aspychata said:
l am a horrible person because l can't be manipulated. I think too much. l don't believe the lies shoved to me with shovels. No matter how much my buttons are pushed or much l am gaslighted l still move forward without those (who push me around). No - l won't date or chase you just because you have this or do that or look like that. This is in response to a guy at my job that talked about, l own this, l look like this, etc, etc, etc. No, l am not going to be friends with your ex-wife. Get real.
Click to expand...
You must have read lots of fiction as a child to protect you from manipulation.
Who would want to be manipulated anyway?
 
I know my cousin has an intense dislike of my OCD tendencies. To a point where she backed out of the proposition of going into business with me. That hurt.
 
I've been called many of these things but I don't know if they have really bothered me that much.

I suppose I didn't like being called strange by my father as a child. Also in attempts to make friends when I was younger being told I am too serious (I was making an effort not to be serious).

Other things but not limited to I've been told:
Don't take things so literally
You're too shy
You talk too much
You are so quiet
Stop fidgeting
Wear your clothes properly
Hold a pencil correctly
Stop biting your nails
Stop being anti-social (One of my father's constant bits of advice)

Lots of things from people I wouldn't consider friends and aren't family, the one that stands out the most is "retard". I didn't like the people who said this to me, so I don't really care about it.
 
Gift2humanity said:
There's lots so if you don't want to be triggered, you don't have to read.
Click to expand...

People can be so mean when they are stupid and horrible! I think you are wonderful. You are thoughtful and kind and helpful. I have had many of those too that I don't mention. They really leave scars! Energetic hugs your way!
 
HidinginPlainSight said:
I've been called many of these things but I don't know if they have really bothered me that much.

I suppose I didn't like being called strange by my father as a child. Also in attempts to make friends when I was younger being told I am too serious (I was making an effort not to be serious).

Other things but not limited to I've been told:
Don't take things so literally
You're too shy
You talk too much
You are so quiet
Stop fidgeting
Wear your clothes properly
Hold a pencil correctly
Stop biting your nails
Stop being anti-social (One of my father's constant bits of advice)

Lots of things from people I wouldn't consider friends and aren't family, the one that stands out the most is "retard". I didn't like the people who said this to me, so I don't really care about it.
Click to expand...
Good you don't care about retard.
I forgot the golden one "Wendy weirdo" Dad used to hiss it at me, he wanted me to conform.
 
Judge said:
I know my cousin has an intense dislike of my OCD tendencies. To a point where she backed out of the proposition of going into business with me. That hurt.
Click to expand...
being a bit OCD in a business venture is right on! Most of the great business leaders were/are TOTALLY OCD!
 
Gift2humanity said:
Good you don't care about retard.
I forgot the golden one "Wendy weirdo" Dad used to hiss it at me, he wanted me to conform.
Click to expand...

That is what they used "bubble boy" for. This is because my selective mutism was very extreme as a child. They wanted me to be "normal". I also was selectively deaf... the abuser that my mother married would ask me a question which I could not understand. By the third time asking him to repeat... there was usually a physical consequence. Today I have an OCD thing where I need to answer people right away.
 
Aspychata said:
l am a horrible person because l can't be manipulated. I think too much. l don't believe the lies shoved to me with shovels. No matter how much my buttons are pushed or much l am gaslighted l still move forward without those (who push me around). No - l won't date or chase you just because you have this or do that or look like that. This is in response to a guy at my job that talked about, l own this, l look like this, etc, etc, etc. No, l am not going to be friends with your ex-wife. Get real.
Click to expand...
Those are the good ol' narcissist insults... like since when is protecting yourself being mean to them!

Freaking parasites were the bane of my life until I took a vermicide for them... boundaries! That is like garlic for them (psychic vampires)...
 
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