I probably should go to the dispensary before it closes to get some indica so I can sleep before my work shift tomorrow. This rage I feel within me is absolute. I am no longer afraid of it. I own it. I have a right to it.
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Yes, I am melting down in public here. I may regret all of this later.
God damn, hate is one hell of a drug.
I want to drink, I am denying myself, I must feel all of this, the only way out is through, and that sucks.
Anybody who abuses a child sexually just because they thought it would be funny at the time deserves to die.
The kindest thing anybody could do for my aunt and uncle would be to blow their brains out and liberate their son and daughter. They are horribly unhappy according to everybody else in the family - this calls for euthanasia which I am usually not a huge fan of.
I now own my hatred.
So, I am supposed to forgive a child rapist just because I do not understand how unhappy she always was in life? My family wants me to accept that line. I say my aunt should die if she really is so unhappy that it justifies everything she did not just to me and my sister, but to her own kids as well.
I have found myself facing my extreme anger without weed or booze. I am really feeling it now. It is tearing at me.
I want liberation from a diseased bloodline. I am officially the lovable retard in my family. I reject that label. Doctors claim I have no intellectual or cognitive disabilities, my family rejects those claims. My family should be dead to me now.
My family can piss off and die. I have a better family here than in my bloodline.
Damnit, I am having a self pity party and that solves nothing. I need to smack myself out of this.
Time for me to adopt myself and be my own parent.
As soon as I get my sleeping and stomach problems taken care of, I will double down on finding a better job. I do not want to land a better job now and lose it because of my health issues.
I talked with my doctor over the phone and explained my symptoms. She said I should come in later this week to do some tests and see if I have an ulcer.
Feeling sick this morning, but I have a boss who is accusing me of playing hooky on her. I need to get my health under control before I land a better job.
I wonder how I will sleep tonight. I slept for 16 hours straight after I got home from the concert last night.
I feel like starting a stoner emo doom metal band and calling it Self Pity Party. I will come up with lyrics that make Linkin Park seem optimistic in comparison. I would also be more brutal than Dethklok.
I feel guilty for being a lazy worthless slug most of the last weekend.
Lazy weekend, I will go back to being active tomorrow, although I did expend a lot of physical energy at last night’s concert avoiding the slam dancers and crown surfers.
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