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Misery

Misery

V.I.P Member
Amalga Heart 43 From Big stupid hole in the ground (Illinois)
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  • Misery
    Okay, so, I've opened up to a few more people that I know online about being transgender (mostly over on Steam). And... every single one of them had already guessed that. In a couple of cases, they said they figured it out like, quite a long while ago. Was it seriously THAT obvious?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    The important thing is as far as I can tell they sound rather accepting of you being Trans. I personally don't have a problem with it. You're a human with free will to be whatever the heck ya want :)
    Kirsty
    Kirsty
    My aunt apparently picked up that I was ‘gay’ in childhood or something and said it was important for me to say it out loud than to ask me. It’s probably more obvious than we realise. School was a living hell and peers picked up on it too. I don’t really put a label on myself as I’m just ‘me’ and don’t necessarily need operations or hormones, but saying that, a flat chest is something I’ve always liked to have…
    Misery
    Well I managed an hour long VR session today without feeling like I was gonna fall apart afterwards. A lot of my physical issues (chronic pain) has been way less lately and getting in the way of stuff less. More room to pursue my hobbies, finally. Still gotta be careful though, I should probably relax for a bit now.
    Misery
    Well, today I finally sat down to start to learn Gamemaker Studio (one of the major game-dev engines). I'd been meaning to do this for AGES, but... yeah, lethargy. Today though, time to do it. So I went through the tutorial videos/guide/something, and have produced the worlds worst version of Asteroids, thus completing the first step. But I made the rocks spin, it didnt tell me to do that, hah!
    View previous comments…
    Angular Chap
    Angular Chap
    Worlds worst version of Asteroids you say....Humanoids...? Hemorrhoids...? No wait, it's an Asteroids remake: Humanoids With Hemorrhoids!
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Good luck @Misery .
    Sounds pretty neat.
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    I bought Construct 2 quite a lot years ago. Never did a game but enjoyed doing some tutorials. Now, my daugther have made a very simple but cute "cats" game using it. Its a fun activity.

    Congratulations on your new project.
    Misery
    Currently feeling quite drained, after having gotten that blasted vaccine booster. It did this to me last time too, where I end up just feeling all "feh" and blankly staring into space for like a whole day. While at the same time my sensory issues trigger seemingly at random. No idea why. I should probably go and actually do something.
    Misery
    zzzzzzzzzzzzz.webp

    This is the drawing I'm currently working on, toughest one yet. Her name is Amalga. Started as pencil on paper but I transferred it to the iPad after finishing her face. Tracing took awhile, adding everything else took awhile, drawing her freaking arms nearly drove me insane. There is still a LOT more to do yet. Gonna have a full background this time. ugh
    Crabcore
    Crabcore
    Looks like something out of a roguelike. Awesome!
    Misery
    Misery
    It is, actually. "The Void Rains Upon Her Heart", basically bullet-hell shmup + roguelike. It's been my most played game on Steam this year.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Very cool looking. Thanks for sharing.
    Misery
    Ye gods, my arm hurts. Been playing Dead Cells a lot recently (think Dark Souls, but in 2D, more colorful, with roguelike elements, and much faster). A bit too much really. It's such a blast. Got all the expansions recently, and the next expansion is Castlevania (like, actual Castlevania, I've no idea how they got that license). Highly recommended to anyone looking for a great gaming challenge.
    Misery
    Chronic pain kinda sucks, did I ever mention that? Bah. Tired of it interrupting things I'm doing. I can partly blame high school for this. Well, I can blame high school for a lot of things.
    Misery
    GAH I'm not paying attention to the blasted clock again, here I am browsing the forum here and I should have had my meal 2 hours ago since I gotta get up at a specific time... uuuuuuugh. I'll be paying for that with missed sleep later. Bah. I always do this to myself.
    tree
    tree
    This is confusing me.
    Your time zone is an hour behind where I am, I think.
    So if I see the time stamp as "8:11 AM" and you're saying you should have eaten two hours ago, does
    that mean you were talking about eating at 5 AM your time?

    Or what?
    Misery
    Misery
    My schedule confuses everyone. I have non-24 sleep-wake disorder. 5 AM was indeed the target time, and tomorrow it'll be 6AM, and then the next day, 7 AM... and so on. Currently it's 9 AM here and I'll be going to bed at 10 or so.
    tree
    tree
    My suppertime is 10 or 11PM.
    Or 2AM through 4.

    If I eat too early then I wake up and have to eat during the night.

    The *I never eat just before going to bed* thing is definitely not me.
    Misery
    Amalga.webp


    A drawing I'm working on. Her name is Amalga, I totally love her. There's waaaayyyyy more yet to this drawing to do, arms & hands will be hard. Also stitches, lots of those, she's kinda stitched together. The left side of her face is mostly rock, as are the things in her hair, so that's why that looks odd (needs details though to give texture). And no, I didnt design her.
    Misery
    Misery
    Supposed to be stitches across her neck too, just noticed I missed that detail. Art is hard.
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    The rope on her horn looks similar to those used to hung people.
    Misery
    Misery
    It's another stone on the end of the rope, currently looks like a loop instead since there's no color filling it in yet (it'll be blue like the rock parts). She's one of those characters where a few parts of her design dont make any sense at all without color applied. Well, not when it's me doing the drawing, anyway.
    Misery
    So, update: MORE INFECTIONS!!! My father's eye thing is still going (but slowly, slowly getting better). Dog #1, Cooper, has an ear infection for the millionth time. Dog #2, Dingle, has an eye infection, because of course. I dont even know how we're supposed to deal with her medication. Some sort of cream and the method of applying it sounds... not quite right. LOTSA FUN AROUND HERE.
    View previous comments…
    Misery
    Misery
    @Luca Actually she's the one who applied it that first time, haha. I dont know where in the world that explanation of hers came from when she did in fact know how to do it right. Methinks there was an error in the speaking somewhere. Though I do have to learn to apply it myself as well.
    Misery
    Misery
    @Aspychata Oh geez, car problems during winter are just the worst. Been there, done that... gotta say, I cant recommend that experience to anyone. The worst though is if it happens when you're already on the road and everything is frozen... ugh.
    Misery
    Misery
    aagh okay so I saw for myself up close how the eye stuff is applied. I cant describe how much I dont want to do that. Dog was 100% fine with it and not even a bit bothered. Cant say the same for myself. And now this is bringing back memories of that brief vet assistant job from so many years ago. Really didnt need to remember that.
    Misery
    Gotta say, all this gender stuff is increasingly rough. Just a single "sir" thrown my way is enough to kill my mood at this point. I cant do anything about it yet. Cant go into "girl mode" before having told anyone, and it aint time yet. I'm close though. So close. Another week or two. Just gotta hold out a bit longer. How does anyone get through this without going insane first? Ugh.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Good you are deciding to come out. You won't need to mask that anymore.
    merithra
    merithra
    I am here for you. If you would ever like to discuss transitioning my DMs are open, to be honest I think we have to get through this by being a mixture of insane and stubborn. I had to manifest an unbreakable will to get through the last year which was hard for someone who quits easily like me, I went insane, stubborn and all the things in between but the payoff is big. you will get there, i believe in you.
    Misery
    So, I lost 23 pounds, it seems. I've no idea where they went.
    View previous comments…
    Hazel_1914
    Hazel_1914
    Congratulations to the both of you!
    I've gained enough weight to hit my goal of 140 so that's not so bad! Here's to meeting goals and to long life.
    Misery
    Misery
    See, I'm mostly just confused because it wasnt a goal to begin with. Probably related to the fact that we moved though. I didnt go walking nearly as much when we were back in Naperville (horrible crowded mess) but I do it all the time in this area (forest preserves, so many of them, or calm/quiet stores to wander around). It's amazing really how just one change like that can have such an effect.
    Hazel_1914
    Hazel_1914
    Less stress is a prerequisite to losing weight, I think. The forest may be helping.
    Misery
    Gaming stuff: today I finished the tutorial for Factorio. Oh, I'd already learned much about the game before that, but... anyone who has ever tried the tutorial knows what happens when you get to scenario 5. Even a lot of players who have launched rockets never finished 5. But I managed it today, I felt like I'd beaten a really hard roguelike. Whole tutorial took like 10 hours, I'd say.
    Shaddock
    Shaddock
    I never really played the game, but I watched a long let´s play of it, so I know the game. it was more comfortable to watch it then to play it, because it´s really complicate : D
    Jordy
    Jordy
    I launched the rocket in free mode a couple times, never really did the tutorial.
    Misery
    Misery
    @Shaddok Oh yeah, it's complicated. Brilliant, but complicated. I havent managed a rocket launch yet... I tended to get totally lost dealing with trains, and hitting the point of needing to deal with oil while learning the pipe/fluid mechanics is also tough. As it is, today was the first time I managed successful use of a train (you have to do that for #5, it's what everyone gets stuck on).
    Misery
    Something I didnt expect to be doing today: Logging into this forum using a Raspberry Pi (with the Pi OS, which, conveniently, I installed onto an SD card just a couple of days ago). This thing isnt really meant for this though, it's built as an emulator box for retro games (which it does well, when the UI, which is not this OS, isnt being too weird). Definitely struggling a bit... hmm...
    MildredHubble
    MildredHubble
    Which Pi are you using? :-)
    Misery
    Misery
    I have no idea. I’m not actually very familiar with it. Prior to this I only ran the emulator (Recalbox)
    MildredHubble
    MildredHubble
    Maybe a Pi3 or Pi4? If it's a Pi4 it will have the micro HDMI connectors on it. :-) The Pi4 has quite a bit of over clock potential if you have decent cooling :)
    Misery
    Something that is depressing to me as a long-time internet user: finding out that forums I used to love and frequent collapsed under the weight of the presence of Reddit and Discord (or they moved to those, which is just as bad). And I cant stand either. The deranged formatting of Reddit (seriously someone should be fired, and then rehired so they can be fired again) or the out of control nature of Discord... ugh
    Trophonius
    Trophonius
    I agree. I dislike reddit and discord too. They don't have the feel of a small community, with regulars you can interact. Everyone is a stranger. Reddit is useful to find information, sometimes, because of some specific subreddits, but they don't work as communities imho.
    Hazel_1914
    Hazel_1914
    Reddit is too easy to go doomscroll on--All I wanted was memes and trashy internet drama and now it's all angry people.
    Misery
    Okay after 30 minutes of running through Windows' labyrinthine nonsense I've managed to exorcise the specter of M$ from the hard drive and regain control of my own bloody desktop. Whoever came up with that should be fired and forced to work at McDonalds, which would be on fire at the time. Yes I'm a tad irked at the moment, how could you tell?
    Misery
    So, it turns out that Windows 11 is actually even worse than was rumored. Which is... astounding. I didnt think that was possible. Already I'm in the process of going through and removing things or installing other things just to counter Microsoft's scummy garbage. The PC itself is just amazing. The OS is trash. I miss DOS. It just did what you told it, and nothing more.
    View previous comments…
    Misery
    Misery
    Yeah, it was supposed to be an "optional upgrade" with this PC, but nooooooo, it was there when I first turned it on. No avoiding it.
    Jordy
    Jordy
    I run windows 11, seems almost identical to windows 10 to me.
    maycontainthunder
    maycontainthunder
    @phantom , try and find the taskbar customisations... missing in W11 which slaughters productivity! No doubt that W10 has M$'s best ever effort at a Start menu. @Misery , not sure if you can get W10 to run on your new system. The high end Intel CPU's apparently don't run well on W10 due to the OS not having the right capabilities.
    Misery
    So, new approach to my father's situation. My stepmother asked me to now specifically try to keep him busy (but not go overboard)... after all, sitting in his chair by the TV may not be "stressful", but it's also definitely not healthy to do all the time. Not exactly helping his situation. Trouble is coming up with stuff to do (aside from playing chess as I've already mentioned). Hmmmmmmmm. Gotta ponder that.
    Misery
    Ya know, something that really sucks is getting mentally stuck on the same accursed topic and being unable to just stop constantly focusing on it. Going through that a lot lately. It's hard to not feel overwhelmed by... you know, that realization. But even when feeling that pressure... ya gotta keep charging forward anyway. If anyone else is having a rough time like that... well, if I can keep going, so can you.
    L
    Luca
    I'm in the same situation right now. I want to give up. But I don't think I will give up that easily.
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