Misery

• 

  Misery

• May 3, 2023

So, recently I took some major steps in going forward with my game-dev ideas, and learning what I need to know. I'm learning Gamemaker Studio 2, and also as soon as Unreal Engine has finished its million years of downloading, I'm starting on that one too. Yes, I know, a bit much at once. I have nothing but free time, all the time. So that works out, I think.

• 

  Misery

• Apr 27, 2023

So I get this box every month, right, that has some random twisty puzzles in it (in their own smaller boxes). Today I open the thing and, okay, one colorful box with a cube in it, and one... plastic bag? There's a "fortune cat" puzzle thing in it. The bag is clear, looks like someone crumpled it up, and has "666" smeared in reddish orange on the side. So that's a thing that happened today.

• 

  Misery

• Apr 21, 2023

aaaaaaagh I've got a nasty canker sore in my mouth right now, I freaking hate these. It's very rare that I get one but when I do it's so freaking painful and just incredibly annoying. Triggers my sensory issues. I never really know what to do about it. And the stupid things can last for quite awhile. Bah.

• 

  Misery

• Apr 18, 2023

Okay, so, I was a bit... out of it over the last few days. Fell into my own negative mess again... bah. The gender stuff + anxiety + dehydration = aaaaaaargh. I've gotten out of that spiral though. Tomorrow I meet up with my therapist again, so that'll be good. One way or another I gotta make some progress here. Feh.

• 

  Misery

• Apr 16, 2023

Today's board game haul. It's all one game that for reasons which make sense in context, happens to be in... *looks at table* 12 separate boxes, which arent just boxes. This is easily my favorite game, I've had it for awhile, this set is the newest content for it. This is one of the things I've been looking forward to most recently.

• 

  Misery

• Apr 6, 2023

So I randomly stumbled on an old browser extension that changes all the comments on Youtube videos. Instead of saying whatever they originally said, they just display as "herp derp" over and over again. Installed it. A vast improvement. Now, the next time I get that stupid urge to scroll down, I wont feel like I need a shower and/or an exorcism afterwards.

• 

  Misery

• Apr 4, 2023

So, bit of an update: had my first appointment with a new therapist today... to help me deal with my anxiety and other issues. Not even 10 minutes in, I told her about... the whole gender thing, all of that. Just went right ahead and did it! That's the first time I've managed to tell someone in-person. I just about wrecked myself with nervousness while doing so, but I did it anyway! Went well!

• 

  Misery

• Mar 31, 2023

I dont suppose anyone currently here might have like a funny video or something to share... coming down off of a bad anxiety attack (storm season, astraphobia, not a fun combination), still really shaky, could use some humor or anything

• 

  Misery

• Mar 30, 2023

Look at this crazy thing. From the Dark Souls board game expansion I just got. I kinda want to try to learn to paint minis (which is what this type of figure is called)... the board gaming hobby has quite a few of them... but some of them just look so absurdly intimidating to paint. So many details.

• 

  Misery

• Mar 28, 2023

Today's special interest haul. It's been a long while since I went and got much of anything new. The really BIG haul has yet to come though.

• 

  Misery

• Mar 15, 2023

Thing that amused me today: I'm checking my email, right, and it occurred to me to have a look at the ol' spam folder. Every single thing in there is from the Microsoft Store. ALL of it. Like some sort of sad, obsessive stalker. But with ads. I should note that I bought one, and ONLY one thing from there in the past. Like, 2 years ago.

• 

  Misery

• Mar 14, 2023

Walk out into the garage to get a soda, just nice and calm, suddenly from the other side of the garage, a noise like pop-pop-pop-WHEEEEEEE!!! and, ya know what, I dont even wanna know. Back into the house, go get some Advil. Wont help with the demon clowns or whatever that was, but maybe my neck will hurt less.

• 

  Misery

• Mar 11, 2023

An "I should not have clicked that" moment: Was curious about how eye surgery worked, like the sort my father had. So I tried looking it up on Youtube. First of all, NOPE. Secondly, that wasnt the only thing that came up in the search results. With no self control, I clicked one of the OTHER ones. Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh I cant unsee any of that, why did I do that. Mistakes were made

• 

  Misery

• Mar 5, 2023

Finally updating my gaming emulator/rom stuff today. I hadnt done that in like 15 years, what an absolutely staggering difference it is. That previous setup was practically stone age stuff compared to this. I tend to be really, really bad about updating stuff, but still, shoulda done this much sooner.

• 

  Misery

• Mar 2, 2023

So, art thing I've realized: I can do really good at like, the initial line work of a given thing (albeit very slowly, more experienced artists can probably do it MUCH faster). But, when it comes to fill it full of color, that's when everything goes downhill. Things get splotchy. Hm. I'm not sure how to go about getting better at that part, but that's what I need to focus on.

• 

  Misery

• Feb 10, 2023

Okay, so, I've opened up to a few more people that I know online about being transgender (mostly over on Steam). And... every single one of them had already guessed that. In a couple of cases, they said they figured it out like, quite a long while ago. Was it seriously THAT obvious?

• 

  Misery

• Feb 4, 2023

Well I managed an hour long VR session today without feeling like I was gonna fall apart afterwards. A lot of my physical issues (chronic pain) has been way less lately and getting in the way of stuff less. More room to pursue my hobbies, finally. Still gotta be careful though, I should probably relax for a bit now.

• 

  Misery

• Jan 30, 2023

Well, today I finally sat down to start to learn Gamemaker Studio (one of the major game-dev engines). I'd been meaning to do this for AGES, but... yeah, lethargy. Today though, time to do it. So I went through the tutorial videos/guide/something, and have produced the worlds worst version of Asteroids, thus completing the first step. But I made the rocks spin, it didnt tell me to do that, hah!

• 

  Misery

• Jan 20, 2023

Currently feeling quite drained, after having gotten that blasted vaccine booster. It did this to me last time too, where I end up just feeling all "feh" and blankly staring into space for like a whole day. While at the same time my sensory issues trigger seemingly at random. No idea why. I should probably go and actually do something.

• 

  Misery

• Dec 28, 2022

This is the drawing I'm currently working on, toughest one yet. Her name is Amalga. Started as pencil on paper but I transferred it to the iPad after finishing her face. Tracing took awhile, adding everything else took awhile, drawing her freaking arms nearly drove me insane. There is still a LOT more to do yet. Gonna have a full background this time. ugh