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  • My mother's speech about being yourself, smiling, and you will be liked is full of crap. Women still hate me.
    tree
    tree
    That's certainly what you're telling yourself.
    Judge
    Judge
    Your mother wants you to be that good little NT that you- nor any of us can ever be.

    Tragic, yet predictable.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Woman hate me too. This is why we mask so much. Because if we say what we really feel, people hate us.
    Damn it. I am at the coffee shop Roots now and it's all women. One snob actually got up with all her crap and moved away from me and I did not even look at her or anything. I was just in the table in front. Now there are about 6 other women with one other entering. I might leave now and just walk around for an hour and find a park and come back. I can't handle this.
    I'm starting to utter the s word more now in public as the GD word.
    tree
    tree
    And yet, you didn't literally shatter into pieces.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    That's true, what tree said. You are emotionally grounded way more.
    T
    Tony Ramirez
    As a Christian I use to never swear. You know I hate seeing and hearing it mainly still the worst word now I am saying some of it because I am so angry and frustrated.
    I see uglier men with beautiful wives and kids, and I can't even get one as a casual friend or even one to know I exist anymore. What the hell is wrong with me. That is why I am worthless and not worth nothing. I don't deserve to live anymore.
    tree
    tree
    You're telling yourself a bunch of mean crap.
    T
    Tony Ramirez
    Because it's true. I'm living it now.
    tree
    tree
    You're certainly feeling that way.
    I wish there were more miserable people like me in my area to hang with instead of the happy annoying people around me everywhere.
    tree
    tree
    Being around miserable, frustrated, angry, jealous, disappointed people sounds like fun?
    T
    Tony Ramirez
    I chat with two here, one IM and another on Instagram. It's fun. Misery loves company. Too bad one lives in Arizona and the other in the UK, and I am in the middle in NY never to all meet in person with me and the UK guy having a fear of flying due to lack of traveling.
    I wish I could end my miserable life easy without all the crap of having of everyone saying things will get better.
    tree
    tree
    You sound really down.
    T
    Tony Ramirez
    My life is getting worse every day. They even lost my $90 pair of glasses in the mail yesterday and I might not get a replacement because they are giving me a hassle.
    tree
    tree
    "might not" is a thing that hasn't happened.
    Every day, I keep waking up alive, is worse than the last. Why can't I just die in my sleep.
    tree
    tree
    When was the last time your wrote in your journal?
    T
    Tony Ramirez
    October 2023. I don't bother. I don't feel like it.
    tree
    tree
    Yeah, you do tend to base your action on your feelings.

    Feelings are a result of what you're telling yourself about events.
    More bad luck. I dropped my phone walking to the cafe but I don't think I chipped the screen. The screen protector looks a bit bended but the great case did protect it. Everything is going wrong in my life on top of this
    Yoga sucked today. It was good until I had to hear about every damn person talk about her husband her boyfriend his girlfriend his wife. I had to get the hell out of there before I made a scene that would have got me banned.
    tree
    tree
    That was good you left without making a fuss.

    Now if you could just stop telling yourself that it's terrible to hear
    people talking about their significant others, you'd be way ahead.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Good you stopped yourself. It will get easier. Trauma dumping actually serves a purpose, it helps you unload a lot of icky feelings. I think l had to trauma dump for a good 3-4 years, and l was finally free. The more we walk thru those feelings, it frees you. That's why l don't critique.
    My curse of women hating me is back. It started in 1995 and broke in 2000. Then it came back in 2003 and was broken in 2019. Now it's back again in 2024. I will be decrepit, more mental and broken by the time it's broken again.
    T
    Tony Ramirez
    I am sick of hearing people saying that crap. I heard it yesterday in life group. How the hell do these men find spouses then by freaking luck. It seems like you have better luck winning the lottery. I said I was going to start to buy a lottery ticket once a week in the new year I did not because of that fake female friendship, but I should have. My father nearly won early this year. We could have been set for life.
    T
    thejuice
    I'm sorry 😔. I know it's unfair the odds are stacked against you.
    T
    thejuice
    And it's annoying hearing the same cliches
    Apparently I must suddenly lack empathy with women now, the way they have been currently treating me. Feels just like college and my 20s again.
    T
    Tony Ramirez
    Thanks. It's like I am reverting with women or they are just hating me again all I know is my 18 20s sucked so bad I ended up wasting my 30s and I was on bad bipolar meds I did not know and gain over 150 lbs
    M
    Misty Avich
    I'm so sorry you're having so much unpleasantness. All I can offer is a virtual hug.
    T
    Tony Ramirez
    At least you got that. I can't believe I now feel more comfortable wanting to hangout with men like I did in my 20s. What 4 days of ostracizing with women can do to you. Too bad I could not hang out with James or Garrett.
    Women I don't know have been ostracizing me, treating me like dirt all day, even when I sat next to them even just me and one in yoga class only talked to the teacher after I was trying to talk in a group. I am not in a good mood.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    In random get-togethers, social rules almost don't exist. Nobody is under any obligation to talk to others.
    T
    Tony Ramirez
    And I believe it. Most of the time in these places it's dead silence except for the music playing and the hosts talking. Unless a couple of casual friends walk in and talk otherwise people keep to themselves. It actually sucks and I hate it which sounds weird being autistic.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    I had one class, where our teacher actively asked us questions, and then we were more friendly with each other. But most of my classes aren't like this, and l don't really talk to most.
    I went to my local deli to buy a drink but I had no cash just my phone to pay but it was a $5:limit so I put my drink back but the kind women said that it's okay and she pays for the soda must have known I was stressed. I could not believe there are kind women and she did not even look the type either. ❤️
    M
    Misty Avich
    Is that you in your profile picture, Tony? I don't get why so many girls shun you. You look sweet, and so does your cat. I wish women in your life would accept you for who you are. I certainly would if I was a woman from one of those church clubs. If a man (or woman) is friendly and nice like you seem to be, then that's good enough for me. I'm open to being anybody's friend.
    T
    Tony Ramirez
    Yes but it doesn't matter. I always saw myself as ugly even when I saw guys uglier than me with a girl because none of them wanted to be my friend.
    M
    Misty Avich
    That's low self-esteem. I think nearly all people with low self-esteem see themselves as ugly but that never means they are ugly. I feel the same way about myself too.
    I threatened to be kicked out of the yoga studio because of my constant trauma dumping due to my trauma with girls and travel envy. I now heard this after my latest breakdown. I am losing everything in my life.
    Masked Man
    Masked Man
    You can't cause disturbances when things do not go your way. They have every right to revoke your membership. They're a privately owned company and they can discontinue business with you if they see that you are making other customers or the workers uncomfortable. I said this before - you need to learn how to control your emotions.
    M
    Misty Avich
    Well you're welcome to trauma dump here, Tony. I have lots of sympathy for you and I want good things to go your way.
    T
    thejuice
    You'll get understanding here that you won't in the outside world
    It's bad in my house. I snapped. My mother won't talk to me. Says I'm useless. I wish I was dead like I should be.
    T
    thejuice
    Tell mother this guy on a random forum thinks that's a bit mean to say..
    tree
    tree
    Yes, it does sound harsh.
    T
    thejuice
    Ill never forget being called a stupid boy aged 24 by mum XD
    When I get home if my control freak family annoy me I am going to snap on them especially my father and will be WW3 at home.
    I freaking hate 2 word conversations with most single standoffish women. It's like those women they purposely do them to me to piss me off. But men and most married women will actually have longer conversations with me.
    T
    thejuice
    They'll have to learn social skills eventually
    Okay I am at my new church now where I know I am not going to be ostracized and I am already socializing. Feeling better.
    T
    thejuice
    I went to bar and had earache the whole time
    I hate it when casual friends talk loud and don't shut the hell up when you are trying to zone out of depressing ambient music, even with noise-cancelling headphones.
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