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Xinyta

Xinyta

Seeking myself in a unusual world 35 From Illinois
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  • Xinyta
    It feels like a battle of wits with me facing myself. The darkest parts of me still on a endless mission to drag me back into the mental abyss.

    I must deny the negativity.
    Xinyta
    20241021_154628.jpg


    A drawing I did today of Demile. Bit of a updated look with the hair. Went for BL3 Maya's hairstyle.
    Tired
    Tired
    Do they have a female body? And are they wearing a mask, or what is that line on their face?
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    Demile is male. Though he prefers to come off more feminine than masculine.

    To answer the other two questions. They are not wearing a mask. It's a separation of fur colors. It would probably would come off as it should if I colored it in. I just have not been in the mood to color.
    Xinyta
    Feeling happiness lately. It's been damn hard to fight the urge to just behave like a child and spiral. But I feel the more I deny it, the more it becomes easy to stop it. A day at a time.
    Xinyta
    Day 9 of the cleanse nearly complete. The final day is tomorrow. Then after that. I drink orange juice for the next three days. Cabbage soup on the third day. Then I am off the cleanse completely.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Great, have you noticed a difference in your general mood, or thoughts?
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    Honestly. There has been alot of shifting in my mood, on the cleanse. Though the bigger thing is the mental journey I went through the whole 10 days. I was forced to face the worst parts of myself in that time and reconcile false notions within myself.
    Xinyta
    Day 7 of the cleanse nearly complete. Feeling like sharing some great Paper Mario music that fits the mood of the month.

    Xinyta
    I find the binds that have held me, shattered.
    Nothing is as it was.
    Free to breath without pain.
    The days and nights have a different flow to them.
    The perspective has shifted.
    No longer fearing the non-existent boogie man.
    No longer feeling damned by the voices.
    Just at ease with myself.

    Free of the cycles that haunt my every moment.
    The nightmare is dead.
    Xinyta
    I have no idea why but "pee turkey" is a combination of words that makes me lose it in laughter.

    I really shouldn't be watching clips of 'Home Movies' on youtube, late at night.
    FilterFreq
    FilterFreq
    That show was so hilarious, if that's what you're referencing!
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    It is actually.

    "This sandwich tastes like pee turkey. Everything tastes like pee now." Coach McGirk after unexpectedly drinking pee. 🤣
    Xinyta
    I am a creature of the night.
    Born from the darkness of one who's heart was never beating for anyone.
    My passion follows the steps of entities who are not of humans.
    Yet I walk in a body that is as frail.
    I see and feel things that humans scoff at in disbelief.
    A world without them.
    My delight.
    Drenched in darkness.
    oregano
    oregano

    "I live among the creatures of the night.."
    Xinyta
    I am starting to realize more and more, how bothersome sunlight is to me. I feel safer at night. Frolicking in the shadows. Unseen by all.
    Xinyta
    I think I now finally understand something that stumped me for a long time. The presence of my internal torment, verses the reality of the world around me. Maybe it's psychosis. Maybe it's because I was taught nothing. But I see that nothing that my anxiety addled mind was creating, was ever true. I cannot run from that which doesn't exist.
    Xinyta
    I've had a day today. On three different occasions. I've had issues. But hopefully after what I've learned today. I can keep better tabs on it.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    Being twice as old as you, these days do more than anything else to make you think on your life and grow for the better.

    I read a study once that our perception of a "long life" is proportional to the uncomfortable experiences our brains create.

    You can cater to yourself and be 60 years old in a flash.

    Or you can experience these uncomfortable events, and they serve to "de-age" you.

    If that makes sense?
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    It's better to face things you are unfamiliar with, than staying where it's safe.
    Xinyta
    Feeling particularly tired today. Not from anything overwhelming, nessissarily. I did two walks. My typical morning walk and then a afternoon walk. The afternoon one was more a means to release my excess nervous energy.
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