• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Xinyta

Xinyta

Seeking myself in a unusual world 35 From Illinois
Joined
Last seen
Messages
1,048
Blogs
3
Blog entries
45
Blog entry comments
10
Reactions
2,879
Points
123

Profile posts Latest activity Postings Blogs Blog entries About

  • Xinyta
    I feel like I have gained more control of the thought processes that haunt me. My dreams even are showing a difference. I feel I am facing the blackhole that once took control. The control it had shrinking.

    This doesn't change that I'll have moments of weakness. But even that will go away eventually.
    Xinyta
    I have some things to think about. But I have figured out what this mentality is that I have. Truthfully. It's been in my face and I didn't see it forever. Now I am digesting th he fact that it's the case.
    Xinyta
    20240726_100828.jpg


    Stepmother Speaks... the endless voice in my head.

    The 'Monster Teeth' one I should give context to. This was said to me by her when I was wearing braces. She called my misaligned teeth, monster teeth. The adult teeth were stuck in the gums because the few baby teeth I had were still there.
    View previous comments…
    Kayla55
    Kayla55
    Finally surfaced, I listened bit alternative music, some of us did as never fitted in. But I steer far clear of what I saw in black metal satanism, having seen Hollywood scandal it was like so much similar
    Kayla55
    Kayla55
    Belthezar or something had song 'blow trumpets Gabriel'
    If this is devil worship and GMO or just publicity idiots....I really don't like it. It's played on some underground websites but try not see occult and think, oh
    I don't want to know, I suppose my survival is limited but that I won't do for success.
    Kayla55
    Kayla55
    A double edge sword, my stepmom was evil blond women but I notice she's not only one in my existence who was evil.
    Seems some sell soul to devil for success, not joining BRICS, warned my African friends it will cost them. Mostly people = selfish = .....
    So just keep to myself because USA is sheep next to certain wolves
    Xinyta
    Inconsequential desires
    Broken dreams
    Heavens above
    Hell beneath
    A tug from all angles
    But chains dig deep
    Collared and left to rot
    Like a forgetful master to thier pet
    Tormented by the absence of love
    Tormented by lies
    The darkness is hard to forget
    Xinyta

    This song is the embodiment of the mental state I've been in. The music video would give better context, to why I believe this. However, it's a bit on the graphic side.
    Xinyta
    Today, I truly feel like I am broken. A feeling I've numbed myself to and purposefully ignored. It's like I felt everything I've ever hidden, hit me all at once. All I could do is sit and feel through it. Try to understand it. I don't think I can go back now.
    All-Rounder
    All-Rounder
    Feeling these feelings is important so that the brain gets the chance to process them. Hope you feel better soon
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    We are all broken. Some of us are more self-aware of it than others.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    @All-Rounder @jsilver256

    I will get better. I just am now focusing on perminately breaking this haze that keeps me ignorant to the world around me. I see how hindered I am and I see what's what. It's not about blaming anymore. It's about taking responsibility.
    Xinyta
    fa73bcd80f16facf23e5ea5806991abd.jpg


    It maybe because I am tired as heck. But this image makes me chuckle. Cats everywhere.
    Xinyta

    Any fans of the sprite animation series Super Mario Brothers Z, will appreciate this one. The song is a Paper Mario style remix of a old Newgrounds piece of music 'Show No Tears' by Nemesis Theory.

    It's a delight to see a Paper Mario sprite version of Captain Basilisx.
    Xinyta
    It's a hard road I now walk. I find that obstacles are hard to surmount. Obstacles that have long halted my progress in being a person. My own person. A individual free of the self-inflicted hell.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    I completely understand. What they don't teach you about quitting addictions is that the addiction is self-medication for something that is harsher (but is infinitely more rewarding)
    Xinyta

    Now that I have more mental clarity. The lyrics in this make so much sense to the world I drowned myself in. A lost soul wandering thier own hell.
    FilterFreq
    FilterFreq
    I haven't listened to them much since Believe, but I'm glad to see they're still making music :D
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    @FilterFreq Yeah. Indestructible is thier 4th album. It's a personal fave of mine, along side The Sickness album.

    The others are: Ten Thousand Fists(third album), Asylum, Immortalized, Evolution, and then thier most recent album, which I do not remember the name of.

    There is also The Lost Childern album and David Dreman's side project band Device.
    Xinyta
    My mind has been filled with thoughts. Things I've missed noticing. Things that I look at but do not see. I am noticing alot of it now. It's made me aware of the house I am in. It's more of a home than I've had, in a long time.
    Tired
    Tired
    Very good, happy to hear that you are feeling better in your home!
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    I went through much of the same.
    Xinyta
    20240711_152731.jpg


    A sketch I did of Dimile. Human form and iconic rabbit/dragon form. I just feel like this is pure me. Today and yesterday have convinced me of this.
    Xinyta
    I sit here in bed wondering about myself. Always grappling with my tramas, to be more than a scared child of everything. Only for it to seem like the trama always forces it's way back in to reset everything and throw a preverval middle finger in my face.

    Especially since I have been striving to do better. It seems my tramas want to fight back more. It's almost like a sledgehammer being taken to my psychi.
    Xinyta
    I watched the move 'The mysterious case of Benjamin Button'. It's a absolute journey. Benjamin has a odd thing where he physically grows younger the older he biologically gets.

    To think a movie about someone who ages backwards, would have valuable lessons about life. A man who was different from everyone else, still lived and loved. And, in some ways, matured faster than any kid would. It's hard to not be emotional.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    I haven't watched it. And, without any commentary on your experience, I am not likely to.

    But everything I have heard about it, has a lot of lessons on what it is like being ND contrasted to NT.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    It's a movie worth experiencing.

    It's just... I don't think I have the words to do it justice.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    Thank you, I will make the effort to see it.
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
  • Loading…
Top Bottom