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Xinyta

Xinyta

♤Id driven soul | Broken but not Insane☆ 35 From Illinois
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  • Xinyta
    Things feel like they are going on the upswing for me again. I just need to keep having faith and overcome the hurdles as they come. Though I think my focus is going to be largely trying to interact more. My other problems will resolve, as I do that. Not easily mind you. But I'd prefer it to be difficult. Life is no fun, without hardship anyway.
    Xinyta
    I feel like I have a new understanding of the path I need to take. It's going to be hard and long road. And it's been rather tough getting here. To this point. Seeing myself grow. Seeing a change that I once thought was impossible.

    Nothing is impossible. Not when you have nothing to lose.
    Xinyta
    20240807_183103.jpg


    "A time of introspection"

    This is a sketch I did at a whim. I started with the crooked tree and it evolved from there. It seems drawing something, without knowing what exactly to draw. Brings out the artistic me more.

    I'm pretty happy with this.
    Xinyta
    It's difficult to find reasons to be happy. But I have felt better, lately, about myself.

    In other news. Replacing the heating element in the oven tomorrow. Yay. Work.
    Xinyta
    I feel like I have gained more control of the thought processes that haunt me. My dreams even are showing a difference. I feel I am facing the blackhole that once took control. The control it had shrinking.

    This doesn't change that I'll have moments of weakness. But even that will go away eventually.
    Xinyta
    I have some things to think about. But I have figured out what this mentality is that I have. Truthfully. It's been in my face and I didn't see it forever. Now I am digesting th he fact that it's the case.
    Xinyta
    20240726_100828.jpg


    Stepmother Speaks... the endless voice in my head.

    The 'Monster Teeth' one I should give context to. This was said to me by her when I was wearing braces. She called my misaligned teeth, monster teeth. The adult teeth were stuck in the gums because the few baby teeth I had were still there.
    View previous comments…
    Kayla55
    Kayla55
    Finally surfaced, I listened bit alternative music, some of us did as never fitted in. But I steer far clear of what I saw in black metal satanism, having seen Hollywood scandal it was like so much similar
    Kayla55
    Kayla55
    Belthezar or something had song 'blow trumpets Gabriel'
    If this is devil worship and GMO or just publicity idiots....I really don't like it. It's played on some underground websites but try not see occult and think, oh
    I don't want to know, I suppose my survival is limited but that I won't do for success.
    Kayla55
    Kayla55
    A double edge sword, my stepmom was evil blond women but I notice she's not only one in my existence who was evil.
    Seems some sell soul to devil for success, not joining BRICS, warned my African friends it will cost them. Mostly people = selfish = .....
    So just keep to myself because USA is sheep next to certain wolves
    Xinyta
    Inconsequential desires
    Broken dreams
    Heavens above
    Hell beneath
    A tug from all angles
    But chains dig deep
    Collared and left to rot
    Like a forgetful master to thier pet
    Tormented by the absence of love
    Tormented by lies
    The darkness is hard to forget
    Xinyta

    This song is the embodiment of the mental state I've been in. The music video would give better context, to why I believe this. However, it's a bit on the graphic side.
    Xinyta
    Today, I truly feel like I am broken. A feeling I've numbed myself to and purposefully ignored. It's like I felt everything I've ever hidden, hit me all at once. All I could do is sit and feel through it. Try to understand it. I don't think I can go back now.
    All-Rounder
    All-Rounder
    Feeling these feelings is important so that the brain gets the chance to process them. Hope you feel better soon
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    We are all broken. Some of us are more self-aware of it than others.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    @All-Rounder @jsilver256

    I will get better. I just am now focusing on perminately breaking this haze that keeps me ignorant to the world around me. I see how hindered I am and I see what's what. It's not about blaming anymore. It's about taking responsibility.
    Xinyta
    fa73bcd80f16facf23e5ea5806991abd.jpg


    It maybe because I am tired as heck. But this image makes me chuckle. Cats everywhere.
    Xinyta

    Any fans of the sprite animation series Super Mario Brothers Z, will appreciate this one. The song is a Paper Mario style remix of a old Newgrounds piece of music 'Show No Tears' by Nemesis Theory.

    It's a delight to see a Paper Mario sprite version of Captain Basilisx.
    Xinyta
    It's a hard road I now walk. I find that obstacles are hard to surmount. Obstacles that have long halted my progress in being a person. My own person. A individual free of the self-inflicted hell.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    I completely understand. What they don't teach you about quitting addictions is that the addiction is self-medication for something that is harsher (but is infinitely more rewarding)
    Xinyta

    Now that I have more mental clarity. The lyrics in this make so much sense to the world I drowned myself in. A lost soul wandering thier own hell.
    F
    FilterFreq
    I haven't listened to them much since Believe, but I'm glad to see they're still making music :D
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    @FilterFreq Yeah. Indestructible is thier 4th album. It's a personal fave of mine, along side The Sickness album.

    The others are: Ten Thousand Fists(third album), Asylum, Immortalized, Evolution, and then thier most recent album, which I do not remember the name of.

    There is also The Lost Childern album and David Dreman's side project band Device.
    Xinyta
    My mind has been filled with thoughts. Things I've missed noticing. Things that I look at but do not see. I am noticing alot of it now. It's made me aware of the house I am in. It's more of a home than I've had, in a long time.
    Tired
    Tired
    Very good, happy to hear that you are feeling better in your home!
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    I went through much of the same.
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