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Xinyta

Xinyta

Seeking myself in a unusual world 35 From Illinois
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  • Xinyta
    Born in darkness.
    Brought to the light.
    Cast back to darkness.
    I drag myself back to the light.

    Lies whisper constantly.
    Faith burns bright.
    Buried in darkness, is the self.
    Breath. Have life once more.
    Be reborn.
    And walk no more in the shadow of hate.

    Elden tvingar deg or meg
    Xinyta

    I am feeling this song today. It's defining what I must do for myself. I alone must make changes for myself. If I don't. I'll never be free of the one place my misery comes from. The poison to me as a person and as a humanbeing.
    Xinyta
    Today's activities outside made me jarringly aware of how out of shape I am today. I keep looking at the cut I got on my hand. Reminding me of what happened to cause this. The struggle I had trying to split wood. The activity itself wasn't the problem. My strength and stamina are practically nothing. I was winded in almost no time at all.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    You may see this as a setback, but I see this as you are finally discovering something you want to work for. Which I think is a very important step.

    You will be surprised at how quickly you gain strength if and only if you set a routine and are consistent.
    Xinyta
    I think I've reached a point where I'm done being afraid.

    Today. I have thought more on my behaviors, and my epiphany about my issues all being about fear and control, has me feeling that I have the ability to move on from this.

    I have paid attention the most today, so far, comparatively to any time before.
    Xinyta

    I found this today. This animation brings back some serious nostalgia. But it also fills me with some hard to describe emotions. Good ones, mind you.

    Seeing this scene in this context, hits even harder than the original scene in the game.
    Xinyta
    20240607_153026.jpg


    This is my drawing of my character Val-Se. Just got done doing it too. It took... maybe 30-40 minutes to do, I think. And the facial expression I gave her wasn't the original intention, but I rolled with it and find I like it more.

    It gives "Did I do that?" kind of playful vibes. Which is totally her. She is impish like that.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    You know. Looking at it more. It's like she is saying "Hey there. Wassup?"
    Xinyta
    I'm getting a strong drawing urge again. Something I am figuring out as far as what I wanna do.
    Xinyta
    This is a reminder to myself that I need to be better than I am.

    No more running.

    No more hiding.
    Xinyta

    My mind become clearer with each passing day. The poison that takes hold, fading away. Negativity. What of it? It's a war I intend to win. Battle after battle of wins and loses. It all adds up in the end.
    Xinyta
    I feel like with each passing day, I am understanding more of myself. It's only getting me to see that falling back has no place in me. I am stronger than I've allowed myself to be.

    Anytime I feel off, it hurts. Because I know my mind is trying to convince me to be unhappy for reasons that no longer apply.
    Xinyta

    This is how I am feeling about alot now. I no longer like the negative habits of my life, and I am determined to break them, no matter what it takes.

    Though the song itself is something I'd reccomend to anyone who feels like thier life is out of thier own hands. Depressed, stressed, suicidal.
    Xinyta

    You know. It's eerie how much this song matches everything that mentally happened to me. I'm starting to really think that I have been subconsciously telling myself something, through my music selections, for a long time.
    Xinyta
    I've read it here plenty of times. I've been told this plenty of times by my Uncle. I have to let go.

    I need to disconnect thought and emotion away from my past and my so called 'parents', fully. I only feed the nightmare before me, by lingering.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    The only way I've been able to move on from stuff is to find something new to fill the void.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    That's going to be hard. But so has everything up to this point. I will need to put some kind of conserted effort into hobbies or something.

    Though stopping my self-sabotage with trying to, needs to be fixed first.
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