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Xinyta

Xinyta

♤Id driven soul | Broken but not Insane☆ 35 From Illinois
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  • Xinyta
    I seriously cannot get the song 'Coral Crown' out of my head. That symphonic metal remix of it just is addicting to listen to.

    Xinyta
    I feel happy with myself. The stump we have been splitting, was a bit easier to handle today. I was far more focused and split it alot faster comparatively to the first two times, where I hurt myself with the sludge/wood.

    I even did the last bit hitting the blunt end of the maul my Uncle buried into the wood chunk. That split really quick.
    Xinyta
    I had a great day today. Everything just kinda... flowed. No real struggle. No pain. Well... aside from leg pain. But that is going away. Walking helps.
    Xinyta
    At some point. Doubt has to be put to rest.

    Faith in myself has to have space to florish. My fate is in my own hands. And, if willing. The hands of God.

    Maybe I have just ran from what's true, because it was easy. But maybe I too was lead astray. Whether willfully or under duress. It matters not at this point.
    Xinyta
    I don't know if there is any anger left. Just solemn disappointment, when I do one of my old bad habits. Maybe because I know what's going on now, I cannot be in angry confusion anymore.

    Hopefully this means I am starting to grow up.
    Xinyta
    Dwelling on today does nothing. Another day comes. Let it be better than today.

    Yesterday is full of memories. But is inhabitable.

    The future is a multi-faceted path. No one way is guaranteed.

    Risk is our friend and our teacher.

    Life without risk, is meaningless.
    Xinyta
    Born in darkness.
    Brought to the light.
    Cast back to darkness.
    I drag myself back to the light.

    Lies whisper constantly.
    Faith burns bright.
    Buried in darkness, is the self.
    Breath. Have life once more.
    Be reborn.
    And walk no more in the shadow of hate.

    Elden tvingar deg or meg
    Xinyta

    I am feeling this song today. It's defining what I must do for myself. I alone must make changes for myself. If I don't. I'll never be free of the one place my misery comes from. The poison to me as a person and as a humanbeing.
    Xinyta
    Today's activities outside made me jarringly aware of how out of shape I am today. I keep looking at the cut I got on my hand. Reminding me of what happened to cause this. The struggle I had trying to split wood. The activity itself wasn't the problem. My strength and stamina are practically nothing. I was winded in almost no time at all.
    jsilver256
    jsilver256
    You may see this as a setback, but I see this as you are finally discovering something you want to work for. Which I think is a very important step.

    You will be surprised at how quickly you gain strength if and only if you set a routine and are consistent.
    Xinyta
    I think I've reached a point where I'm done being afraid.

    Today. I have thought more on my behaviors, and my epiphany about my issues all being about fear and control, has me feeling that I have the ability to move on from this.

    I have paid attention the most today, so far, comparatively to any time before.
    Xinyta

    I found this today. This animation brings back some serious nostalgia. But it also fills me with some hard to describe emotions. Good ones, mind you.

    Seeing this scene in this context, hits even harder than the original scene in the game.
    Xinyta
    20240607_153026.jpg


    This is my drawing of my character Val-Se. Just got done doing it too. It took... maybe 30-40 minutes to do, I think. And the facial expression I gave her wasn't the original intention, but I rolled with it and find I like it more.

    It gives "Did I do that?" kind of playful vibes. Which is totally her. She is impish like that.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    You know. Looking at it more. It's like she is saying "Hey there. Wassup?"
    Xinyta
    I'm getting a strong drawing urge again. Something I am figuring out as far as what I wanna do.
    Xinyta
    This is a reminder to myself that I need to be better than I am.

    No more running.

    No more hiding.
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