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Xinyta

Xinyta

Goofy little genderfluid person~ ♡ASD/Schizo♡ 35 From Illinois
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  • Xinyta
    I am battling my psychosis today. Christmas isn't a horrible day of the year for me per-se. But my psychological hangups do make Christmas hard to celebrate.

    Though this year. It's a trail by fire. I want to make this Christmas about just that. Not my problems. Christ was born today.
    Xinyta
    The chaos feels like it has subsided. My unhappiness feels distant. My heart feels like it beats to a different tune. My mind feels clear of the tormenting dark fog that ailes it. I can focus. I can see more than before. Like taking off a blindfold.
    Xinyta
    Markness
    Markness
    I remember when this song came out in the summer of 2003! Listening to the album it’s off of, Transform, the day I got it was a good time.
    Xinyta
    'Jury deliberations explode in my Subway sandwich.'

    This was what was made up in my head from reading a news headline about a trail of someone who chokeheld a person in a subway for threatening people.
    Ronald Zeeman
    1 degree Celcius, here for last few days, not great for my left foot painful until I get back into house You may like it. DId not mind before stroke, lots of outdoor activity.
    Xinyta
    I am finding that cold weather is my element. I feel the most motivated when it's chilly. I'm the polar opposite with heat. Especially when it get particularly above 70°F. All I wanna do I hide in a cool, dank place. Away from the sun and temperature.
    View previous comments…
    Italianbratxoxo
    Italianbratxoxo
    Me too and Autumn. Autumn and winter are my favorite seasons.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    The change is nice. The fall when it's cooler, and not indian summer, like it was this year mostly. Then the winter. Hardly anyone outside, besides to work or clean up snow.

    Walks during these times are the most pleasant.
    Italianbratxoxo
    Italianbratxoxo
    I like the calm and quiet energy during these seasons. I don’t like a ton of people in crowded places in the spring and summer. I’m an empath
    Xinyta
    I feel ready. Ready to face myself. It seems to actually be harder to justify my old way of... existing. The more I chip away at my old habits. The more it feels like I am getting control back. Control I didn't know I lost.
    Xinyta
    I talked to a psychiatrist today. After the questionare to get an idea of what needs to be done. I talked a little with her and got a prescription for a low side effect medication for anxiety. I feel so much better doing this.
    Cutesie
    Cutesie
    I could really use some of that. When I saw a psychiatrist recently, she barely mentioned meds in the first session. Then the clinic dumped me, saying that they don't have the resources for my problems. Now I'm back to doing nothing to get better.
    Xinyta
    Today is a cold and snowy day. The high for today looks to be 28°F(-2°C). Just been a quiet day, with little to do other than watching some college football.
    Xinyta
    It's cold again this morning. This is the second, or maybe third, consecutive day of being around 20°F (-6°C).

    It's specifically 27°F (-2°C) right now.
    Xinyta
    I have a lingering disgust in myself. Something that hangs in my mind like a mist. It's a feeling I have had for a long time. Though never this strongly. Maybe my inner conscience is breaking through the boggy mess of my mind.
    Xinyta
    Today has definitely gone better. I feel accomplished in what I was apart of. And now I hope to have more of the same tomorrow.

    Though in the end. It's truly in God's hands.
    Xinyta
    Starting Monday, I'll be setting up to start taking anxiety meds hopefully. This is the first step towards leveling out the chaos in my head.
    Xinyta
    I find each day is a struggle to smaller or larger extents. For either similar reasons to before, or for different reasons all together.

    Either way. I aim to overcome them.
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