Any of you not able to make friends? I know I very rarely make friends.

[Tony Ramirez]

I just notice something. When I go to a new place or join a new group I have to make friends instantly especially with women and put that in big bold because that matters that 99% that they are not men and are not married or it's a complete failure. They have to be all to myself to. The more solo the better, or the failure. If they ignore me, give me two word convo's, or won't hang out with me outside, they are snobs and backstabbers. I then write crap about then on social media and in private messaging. Then I am actually there for a while the men and couples are nice I actually get to know them all including the girls and find out some are shy and have issues. Now I feel bad and it's not all me. I am learning. I then realize actually girls do approach and talk to me when I am nice and tip them sometimes and actually talk to me when I don't recognize them randomly. See where I am going. I am learning from almost zero experience except a brief from my early 20s which was also a PTSD mess I did not learn from.

 

[Au Naturel]

For me, the funniest of facts is that I never tried to make friends. I'd be the kid sitting alone in the corner of a room full of other kids, and one or two others always ended up deciding to come and talk with me. Then, after a bit of forced chit-chat, they'd decide we'd be friends.

Even as an adult. We had a Church meeting, I was one of the new people, and a couple of other ladies decided I should be their friend I didn't complain of course.

I have a few good friendships that happened like that.

Of course, a lot of those situations didn't turn out well but

Lucky person. I'd sit alone. Instead of someone coming over to befriend me, a bully would notice I didn't belong to a group, making me an easy target. Except for the bully, the rest of the kids would hardly notice me.

 

[Neia]

Lucky person. I'd sit alone. Instead of someone coming over to befriend me, a bully would notice I didn't belong to a group, making me an easy target. Except for the bully, the rest of the kids would hardly notice me.

Some times, after the curiosity had run out, the kids that had approached me, would decide they didn't like me after all. Then I quickly became the target of their jokes.

I remember in 6th grade, after the first introductions, one boy decided that I was too ugly. He started calling me Yuck. From the cartoon Mighty Man and Yuck.
Yuck was Mighty Man's dog, and he had to constantly wear a doghouse as a mask, because anyone who looked at his ugly face would faint with horror.

Usually though, it were girls that hated me after just a few minutes of having introduced themselves to me. Never was able to figure out why. I was taught to always be respectful, to mind my words. So I still don't get why other girls hated me.

Nowadays, it feels like they sort of take me on as a "improvement project" and try to change me. But I have some very firm moral guidelines, and can be rather blunt if I'm "not getting it", whatever IT may be. One lady once called me Voldemort, after I tried to get some extra clarification on a matter.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

my circle or network of friends has always been a small one

 

[Kavigant]

I don't really have any trouble making friends. I just have no idea what to do with them once I have them.
So I have no friends.

 

[RemyZee]

There's a quirky band called Square Peg Round Hole!

The square hole girl (was a fad a few years ago)

The square hole girl it looks like someone is doing aba on her!

 

[BingoBoing77]

As a level 2 higher support needs autistic who CAN'T mask at all, making friends is extremely difficult and I'm so blessed to have my wild high school friend group who are still my friends to this day. They made me who I am and I got a taste of wild freedom that like almost no other person with level 2+ autism rarely gets to have. They literally just wanted to see an "R word get stoned" their words not mine, and I happened to be more outgoing with NT's then other sped kids. It's the only time in my life I had no adult supervision, just being supervised by a group of stoners lmao. And I want to give a shout out to my friend Dave, I wouldn't of been able to go to the mountains, mall, parties, and other places where teens get high if it wasn't for the fact that he was straight up willing to change my adult diaper, 1 or 2, in all the strange places we wound up. I can't do it myself cause bad sensory feelings make me FREAK OUT. Because he was willing to accommodate my needs and never made me feel bad about it, I got to be a metalhead stoner, it was the most normal and neurotypical I ever felt. Also they'd accomadate my sometimes severe meltdowns by blasting metal/hardcore and tell me to mosh it out. That was so genius looking back cause any other group of people would of just freaked out and called my parents if I was hitting myself and hitting them during a meltdown.

Okay I think I off topic ranted again, yay info dumping I'm just feeling passionate about my friend group lately. And it's safe to say that making those friends was truly a once in a lifetime opportunity. I have a small group of high support needs friends at my disability day program I go too but because of my past experiences and getting that taste of freedom at one point in my life, it makes it harder to get close I guess idk why I need to explore that more inside myself. It's like I'm in this weird spot of being too autistic for low support needs peeps and not autistic enough to others with high support needs.

Making friends is hard and sometimes just happens is all I can say.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Also to add now in my adulthood making friends is easier then when I was a late teenager young adult which was impossible. The issue I have is keeping them which is at max 5 years before they ostracize me. But usually 1 to 2 years now.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't mask much at all. But even without masking my ASD isn't that obvious. I just come across as quirky and "wearing my heart on my sleeves".

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah the last quarter of 2024 was very rough for me because of 3 bad things that happend to me, my Dog of almost 15 years passed away on September 7th, October 13th, i injure my ankle, October 26th, one of my good friends just completely ghosted me, i have had zero form of communication with him since then, i've attempted to reach out to him numerous times since then but no response.

 

[Amethystgirl]

I find trying to make friends drives me crazy. I've been in this virtual autistic peer group before and I have no idea what to say, I can't remember people's names, and I drooped out of the group more than a year ago. I have friends but they are mostly online and I haven't made a real life friend in over 10 years. Do of you have similar experiences?

 

[VictorR]

The Oxford English Dictionary describes a “hassle” as an “irritating inconvenience”.

I’m not sure I’d quite describe the process of friend-making that way, but I think we can agree that the process can be highly unpredictable, and can involve a lot of work.

Proximity and regular interactions with someone makes us like them more (and vice versa), and this is why classmates and coworkers are often peer groups where friendships may find more fertile grounds for development.

Social groups also help with familiarity, but given you’re not seeing the same people day after day, it can take a lot longer become familiar with someone to the point where you may consider each other acquaintances. Even then, it still takes someone to take the initiative to reach out to make a connection and potentially turn a connection into friendship.

While I don’t have many friends, most of the ones I have, I made as a result of me reaching out to someone. That includes friends I’ve made in this community. Usually it was because of a post they made that I wanted to follow-up on.

I understand with virtual discussion groups, whether video or chat based, it can be more difficult to make connections, especially if the members who attend tend to vary a lot, and the conversation may flow between many topics.

For those of us with anxiety (which likely encompasses the majority of those on the spectrum), reaching out and the risk of being ghosted or rejected can be difficult, especially if we have been spurned before. I’ve had a number of people here ghost me after I’ve reached out in friendship. It happens. It can sting. But if you genuinely sense there’s a potential connection with someone, I would always say to dare to be brave to reach out and say hi. If you don’t ask, you won’t know. For all you know, they might have been interested in reaching out to you but were too shy/anxious themselves to do so.

And because you don’t know if and when a connection might develop into a friendship (or perhaps a close acquaintanceship), don’t forget to reward yourself for your efforts, efforts which will pay off. And stay true to yourself – if someone is a genuine friend, they’ll like you for who you are, just the way you are.

 

[Cryptid]

I stopped trying to make friends decades ago. Now I just let it happen, and it either does or it doesn't.

 

[NDR2]

It’s not easy making friends, so it certainly can feel like a hassle. These days with all of my medical issues that require a lot of time consuming care, socializing often feels like a hassle - I have to struggle to find time for all I have to do and being on time to meet.

I can relate to the idea that it can feel much easier being alone. But it also can feel lonely.

 

[Ken]

I find trying to make friends drives me crazy. I've been in this virtual autistic peer group before and I have no idea what to say, I can't remember people's names, and I drooped out of the group more than a year ago. I have friends but they are mostly online and I haven't made a real life friend in over 10 years. Do of you have similar experiences?

Well, yes I have that "problem", but I have never really considered it a problem. I have never pursued making a friend. I have had friends, but never because I made an effort to have a friend. Actually, I still do have some friends, but none that are close.

My absolute best friends have always been of a different species.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I never had to many issues in the past making friends, my current issues is many have passed away. Only have three friends left brother, buddy from public school, and class mate from college. Would love to add a few more. Many on this site would make great friends.

 

[DaisyRose]

You're not the only one. It's hard to find others that are on the same level as you. People tend to have stereotypes about autism itself. My mom always says, if you can't any place to fit in the world, make your own place. Same goes with friends. You have to be careful who you let in because you never know what intentions people have.

 

[Shamar]

I find trying to make friends drives me crazy. I've been in this virtual autistic peer group before and I have no idea what to say, I can't remember people's names, and I drooped out of the group more than a year ago. I have friends but they are mostly online and I haven't made a real life friend in over 10 years. Do of you have similar experiences?

That is because making friends IS a hassle. You have to go against your own personality to reach out, you have to make an effort to reach out to others, more effort to understand them and get them to understand you, and then finally you realized they are complete jerks and not worth you friendship.

 

[FoxLovinPat]

I'd say it can be a hassle too, yes.
Though I'd say it's because it can be hard to break your routine to make room for time with friends and one might not be able to fully enjoy their time with their friends because their typical routine is being messed with.
At least initially until that becomes more a part of their routine, but even then there could be times your routine is messes with because your friends throw you a curveball.

Though for the most part I don't have to worry about that currently as my friends are all online, so it's not as disruptive as it can be with in person friends where you have to go meet them physically to do stuff. But the few times I've tried to have an in person friend since childhood it tends to mess with my routine more and I end up getting annoyed because my brain is telling me that I should be doing something else (my typical routine) Instead.

Still learning about friendship though, and probably will continue to do so. I'm sadly behind due to years of self isolation out of fear. Thanks a lot dad! /s

 

[Judge]

I suspect the few people in my real-life social orbit have probably suggested among one another that my degree of isolation is toxic. But then so would most any mental health professional.

I tried being social some years back in participating in a club, but found overall that even in comradeship that I wasn't getting anything out of it. Not even sure why, tbh.

But then I'm inclined to think that friendship is a very difficult concept for so many of us on the spectrum. That we worry not only about just making that initial connection with a person, but also having higher standards of what it means, often contrasting in what I consider an often superficial world.

In essence I suspect most of us are not interested in "superficial friends" either. Nope, it's not weird. It is a struggle. And I find all struggles to be a hassle. Some tougher than others.