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Are a portion of people on the autism spectrum asexual? Asking due to my failed relationship

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Seems to me a guy might get bored with DIY and
want somebody else to get him off, even if he did
have to pay the other person.

There is an added advantage to paying for sex.
No need act like you care for the other person.

However, this is not the topic of the thread.
OP asked whether there is a portion of people on the autism spectrum
who are asexual.

Further replies to this thread should be directed toward the topic of
whether a portion of people on the spectrum are asexual.
 
My theory is:
Despite ASD 1/2/3 diagnosis that hormones have large part to play. Hormones keep us young, hormones combine other hormones to create emotions and behaviour and of course reproduction.
But social requires different mindset, it's arts and dance or sports and theatre and emotions. Intellectual capacity is usually associated with geek, less physical in sports, less social distractions.
less social distractions
less social distractions
Less preoccupation with sex, dominance and all the behaviour and social distractions associated with sex hormones (testosterone)
So despite ASD 123 diagnosis and high functioning based on masking....those that are operating left brain won't click to social and well my theory is more a-sexual the higher the IQ (based reasonable doubt)
Repeat testosterone has little to do with intelligence, it has more to do with arrogant behaviour, dominance, insensitivity and uses more existing technology but doesn't create own ideas. So no testosterone doesn't do that!!!
Animals procreate based on heat factors, and female just bend over to winning male....human hormones are more complex in the courting ritual, but also affect overall concentration and behaviour and therefore display lack of intelligence found in human evolution, which differs from animals because whilst animals do evolve and have sex it's not the same humans, humans who behave less like animals and procreate in public or just obsessed with it tend have lesser IQ
Some humans have higher emotional IQ than other people and most people learn mimic their whole lives.
Sad part is you social reject and live different life
 
To address the original question, of course there are a proportion of people on the spectrum who are also asexual. We're human, not calculating machines or automatons, so we have the same human characteristics as everybody else, just sometimes and in some ways not framed or recognizable in the same way.

There isn't that I know of anything to show a connection between asexuality and intelligence or intellectual functioning, but there is abundant psychological and behavioral foundation to believe that the difficulty many autistic people face in forming relationships, socially engaging with others, and the high degree of rejection many face in forming or maintaining 'romantic' connection to others can lead to asexual self-diagnoses or behaviors.

Put simply, an autistic person who is unable to connect and engage romantically or sexually, or who faces a repeating cycle of being turned down or rejected (mostly because of a lack of social skills), is going to become deterred from trying. They will likely shy away from others who try with them too, due to poor comprehension of intention and for fear history is simply going to repeat itself, not least because there is something wrong with them, themselves.

There's also the problem that as time goes by and the person gets 'left behind' the expected trajectory of romantic and sexual engagement which others seem to be taking, that sense of 'something wrong with me', and 'this obviously isn't for me' would get more and more palpable.

Personally, I think the notion of asexuality in a partner is vastly overused, mostly as a get out for addressing our own mistakes or shortcomings. Also for something as simple as that we are not as sexually attractive to that particular person as we might think or believe ourselves as being.

Lastly, I don't think asexuality is as fixed as being a simple true or false. Asexual people can have very satisfying sex lives with the right person they feel safe with and attracted to, just as highly sexed people can have sex-free friendships and relationships. Like most things in human behavioral psychology, it's a spectrum.
 
Unfortunately it's a lesson learned

Even if I do manage to meet someone new, and me and this person end up being sexually compatible with each other, I will forever be sad and depressed and bitter and resentful that I didn't meet her while I was still in my 20s.

I'll always be bitter and resentful and envy people who got today to have a normal healthy physically intimate relationship like 10 to 15 years before I did or just around the traditional normal timeline.

Reminds me of a powerful video on tiktok posted by a woman.
 
Jumpinbare said:
I was always repulsed at the idea of sex. I never sought it at all. I eventually met my future wife and we built our relationship on shared interests and spiritual leanings. When we considered marriage, I was anxious about "having" to do sex, but I figured I would try not to fret about it.
I was literally a 40 year old virgin when we married. She had 15 year old son, so clearly she was not.
It worked out fine, of course. 24 years later, she passed away. I am back to having no sexual interest in anyone.
Some people might call the foregoing asexual.
Click to expand...
How do you feel about not having had sex for so many years?
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
I wanted to ask, is it not unusual or not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Because I got out of a failed relationship a few months ago, the relationship was not entirely negative, here were the pros and cons of the relationship.

Positive part: when it came to the companionship and the mental and emotional support part or just being there for each other, hanging out, that was the good part of the relationship.

Negative part: my ex-girlfriend, she was not really comfortable with sex, or just doing anything further beyond kissing and making out.

Because of that, I feel that it wasn't a true relationship.

I also feel like I stayed with her longer than I should have but I was reluctant to break up with her for a while because I didn't want to become alone and Single Again, bigger reason and that is I didn't want to have to go through the drama or burden of having to put myself out there all over again.

She was also on the autism spectrum just like I am.

I wanted sex but she didn't.

Are a portion of people on the autism spectrum asexual?

A part of me is also thinking of the possibility that it's possible that she just wasn't ready.

I stayed with her longer than I believe I should have because I was hoping that she would eventually become comfortable or change her mind but unfortunately she didn't.

So overall is it not unusual and not unheard of for a portion of people on the autism spectrum to be asexual?

Yeah this failed relationship has been the main source of my anger and bitterness and resentment for the past few months and why I have made certain comments on this forum.
Click to expand...
I happen to be asexual and autistic, but way more autistic people are not than are including a guy I went on a few dates with. I had a neurodivergent boyfriend who was also ace that it did not work out with too. It varies with both spectrums when it comes to comforts and desires. In your case, it just sounds like you are your partner were not compatible as individuals, but there certainly are people who are autistic, asexual, both, or neither that you could work with.
 
emi00PM said:
I happen to be asexual and autistic, but way more autistic people are not than are including a guy I went on a few dates with. I had a neurodivergent boyfriend who was also ace that it did not work out with too. It varies with both spectrums when it comes to comforts and desires. In your case, it just sounds like you are your partner were not compatible as individuals, but there certainly are people who are autistic, asexual, both, or neither that you could work with.
Click to expand...
so you desire having a relationship, companionship, even without sex involved?
 
Possibly it isn’t that your ex was asexual; it was that she just didn’t want to have sex with you in particular? I wouldn’t, not in a million years. Most women aren’t at all attracted to guys who find courtship something that they’ll “hate until the day they die,” as you’ve said many times on this forum. Perhaps try to tone down your incel misogynist vibes and you’ll attract less asexual and/or asexual-seeming women? Personally, I wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot pole. In fact I’d be afraid of you if I met you in person, based on your posts on this forum. If I met you I’d scamper away at the first opportunity.
 
Kalinychta said:
Possibly it isn’t that your ex was asexual; it was that she just didn’t want to have sex with you in particular? I wouldn’t, not in a million years. Most women aren’t at all attracted to guys who find courtship something that they’ll “hate until the day they die,” as you’ve said many times on this forum. Perhaps try to tone down your incel misogynist vibes and you’ll attract less asexual and/or asexual-seeming women? Personally, I wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot pole. In fact I’d be afraid of you if I met you in person, based on your posts on this forum. If I met you I’d scamper away at the first opportunity.
Click to expand...
well then i wonder why she was okay with doing other physical stuff with me or okay with having some type of relationship with me in the first place then?

and why is a man supposed to love and embrace courtship? why is a man supposed to love and enjoy taking the lead and courting the woman?
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
and why is a man supposed to love and embrace courtship? why is a man supposed to love and enjoy taking the lead and courting the woman?
Click to expand...
I don't think they are, it just happens to be that some/most women likes it, and men will have a better chance with these women if they do. But be and do what you like, I encourage everyone to be themselves. And no matter what you do, there will be some that finds it attractive and some that don't.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
well then i wonder why she was okay with doing other physical stuff with me or okay with having some type of relationship with me in the first place then?

and why is a man supposed to love and embrace courtship? why is a man supposed to love and enjoy taking the lead and courting the woman?
Click to expand...
You’re mad that men are “supposed to love and embrace courtship” because YOU suck at it. You’re under the impression that most men hate courtship. They don’t. There are eight billion humans on planet earth right now,—which means that most men get along very well with the way things are. YOU don’t. YOU. Work on yourself and your impatience with seeing women as human beings rather than merely female bodies that you want to have sex with.
 
Kalinychta said:
You’re mad that men are “supposed to love and embrace courtship” because YOU suck at it. You’re under the impression that most men hate courtship. They don’t. There are eight billion humans on planet earth right now,—which means that most men get along very well with the way things are. YOU don’t. YOU. Work on yourself and your impatience with seeing women as human beings rather than merely female bodies that you want to have sex with.
Click to expand...

well that doesn't really answer my question as to why my previous partner was fine and okay with kissing/cuddling/making out, but not so much more than that, of course i'm aware that im not under the impression that most men hate courtship.

Another reminder how i get angry and enraged whenever people say it is something that is learnable or you can learn, because my mindset and perspective has changed on it.
 
Maybe she was ok with kissing/cuddling/making out and not much more
because more than that was too much.

Sort of the way a person might want an ice cream cone, but not 3 gallons
of ice cream.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
why is a man supposed to love and embrace courtship? why is a man supposed to love and enjoy taking the lead and courting the woman?
Click to expand...
Because that's how one finds a partner. You don't have to enjoy it. But if you don't, you must accept that you likely won't find a partner.

I suppose if you were independently wealthy, famous, gorgeous, or had a sparkling, loveable personality, you might find a partner without much effort. Then females might court you, but you'll still need to court her a little. Nobody hangs around if they are not appreciated. I had none of these assets.

Fortunately, courtship was fun for me. I'd do something, getting excited thinking about how she would react—the flowers, the romantic dinner, the tickets to whatever. Anticipation is what pumps dopamine into your system, not the reward. Maybe a little anxiety mixed in. Sometimes, it went great, and sometimes, it didn't. A long courtship can end in disappointment or heartbreak. I had some of both.

Offhand, I cannot think of any mammal or bird in which the females compete for males. There are obvious biological reasons. Equality in courtship could only happen in humans and I've never seen it.
 
another angry and enraging reminder whenever people say that it is something you learn, because it reminds me that i get even more annoyed whenever people say that women have to learn as well, which never makes sense since women have never had to do anything to make a relationship happen with a guy. Yes i'm aware people will say don't compare yourself to others, don't worry about the comparison others don't have to do.

Just doesn't feel like pursuing a relationship anymore because of my age, yeah the way it looks like, women are the reward but men do the work in order to get the reward.
 
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