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Being annoying and autism

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IntoTheVoid

Well-Known Member
Perhaps this has anything to do with autism, I don't know, but I've always had this little voice in my head telling me I really don't want to be annoying or bother other people. However, this doesn't seem to be an issue for others (neurotypicals?).

For example, the other day I was coming home very late at night (2 am) and my parents were sleeping. So, I unlocked the door as quietly as possible and tiptoed to my room.

My parents, on the other hand, when they get home late, talk loudly, turn on the TV, and don’t seem to care that they might be annoying.

Later, I moved out from my parents' place and now live alone, but I’ve noticed my neighbors do the same thing. When I get home late at night or early in the morning, I try to be very quiet. But my neighbors will throw a party or barbecue, being loud during the night with music and conversations, and they don’t seem to care if they’re being annoying. Recently, my neighbor woke me up around 5 am on his way to work. He blasted loud music in his car, and when his phone rang, he started talking very loudly.

I find this interesting because it's usually autistic people who are accused of not understanding societal norms, social cues, and all that stuff.

I want to ask about your experience. Do you, like me, try not to be annoying as much as possible? Or is it the opposite—do people tell you that you're somewhat annoying, sometimes without you even realizing it? Do you feel like people around you are usually not very considerate?
 
I as ASD1 do get humbeled, and "pushed down" by external factors.

But external factors are supposed to be Love. It seem external factors are excersising on us ASD. Like maybe it's called douchebag or black sheep.

It is work.
 
Yes definitely. Because i know i will be persecuted if i do these things since i am different from other people
 
I get an urge to be annoying, due to ADHD impulse. Sometimes I enjoy the reaction too. I've always had this quirk but I've learnt to suppress it.

I do try to be considerate though, regarding noise. In fact, too considerate. Sometimes I feel like most NTs are more selfish in many ways while I'm too worried about other people. For example, at work sometimes I want to put my music on if I'm working alone, as it's what others do and they have it loud, but I'm scared somebody's going to need to work where I'm working and yell at me to turn it off or something. I don't know why but I've always felt embarrassed when being told to turn my music down or off, sometimes it can even trigger tears if it's said in a curt way. I feel sorry for the song currently playing.

Or like when I worked at a care home, I was sometimes reluctant to put the vacuum cleaner on if a resident was in their room in case it might have been intrusive for them, as it makes a noise. A lot of elderly people have auditory processing issues if they're deaf, so they can't catch what you're saying when you ask them if you can put the vacuum on, yet make a fuss when the vacuum goes on, saying it's too loud or annoying. I could have done with a carpet sweeper really, as they are quiet and also require no electricity.
 
I have spent my life not wanting to annoy anyone and yet, do annoy some, due to talking loud, when aminated or because I am very punctual person or because of my routines and yes, I notice how others do not care a jot about annoying others ie the shrug of: so what? So unfair!
 
IntoTheVoid said:
Perhaps this has anything to do with autism, I don't know, but I've always had this little voice in my head telling me I really don't want to be annoying or bother other people. However, this doesn't seem to be an issue for others (neurotypicals?).

For example, the other day I was coming home very late at night (2 am) and my parents were sleeping. So, I unlocked the door as quietly as possible and tiptoed to my room.

My parents, on the other hand, when they get home late, talk loudly, turn on the TV, and don’t seem to care that they might be annoying.

Later, I moved out from my parents' place and now live alone, but I’ve noticed my neighbors do the same thing. When I get home late at night or early in the morning, I try to be very quiet. But my neighbors will throw a party or barbecue, being loud during the night with music and conversations, and they don’t seem to care if they’re being annoying. Recently, my neighbor woke me up around 5 am on his way to work. He blasted loud music in his car, and when his phone rang, he started talking very loudly.

I find this interesting because it's usually autistic people who are accused of not understanding societal norms, social cues, and all that stuff.

I want to ask about your experience. Do you, like me, try not to be annoying as much as possible? Or is it the opposite—do people tell you that you're somewhat annoying, sometimes without you even realizing it? Do you feel like people around you are usually not very considerate?
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From your narrative, it would appear that these people are simply inconsiderate of others. I would not consider anything you described as being "normal", at least not in my experience.

When you read, hear, or see information claiming that "autistic people have difficulties understanding this, that, or the other thing", keep in mind that the majority of autism literature out there is within the context of comparing autistic children with neurotypical children, for example. Furthermore, the types of autistic children they are studying are most often those with significant deficits. In other words, psychologists aren't coming in contact with as many of the higher intellect, ASD-1/Asperger's variants and are not putting out as much research on us. Furthermore, still, there is scant literature on the progression of learning of autistics throughout their life, how we've learned to adapt and overcome, how we learn how to function in a neurotypical world. We are all on a learning curve. I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago, for example. Context is important when having these types of discussions and interpreting the literature. A 2 year old is not a 6 year old is not a 12 year old is not an 18 year old, and so on.

Most neurotypicals struggle with how to "read" us, as we do of them. There is a lot of miscommunication going on. Cultural, social, and communication nuances are difficult for anyone, but more so for the "typical" autistic person. People coming off as "annoying" can occur with anyone. Sometimes, it's simply a personality profile and having nothing to do with being neurotypical or autistic. Sometimes, it is direct, logic-based versus indirect, emotionally-based communication difficulties. Sometimes, it's a clash of cultures. Sometimes, it's a lack of understanding another's perspective. Sometimes, people are not specific with their context. Sometimes people are on the autism spectrum, but unaware that they are, and haven't put the pieces of their life together to have that epiphany that an ASD might be the foundation for why they seem to be living and walking in a "minefield" of social and communication "faux pas". Any combination of things could be playing into why someone might be "annoying".
 
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I act how I want to act. It's unhealthy to not do so. I think of myself as a healthy person so I trust that how I want to act and what I want to do will be in my best interests since I'm automatically assuming I want what is best for myself. Confidence plays crucial role in this. Once I started learning how to fight, this became how I lived my life. If someone annoys me, I tell them. If a situation has escalated, I don't back down if I feel I'm right. If I respect someone and they tell me to act differently, I will.
 
When it comes to sound, yeah - that's all me. I don't want to bother anyone. Also because I'm so sensitive to sounds of others, I think I should then also be aware of my own. Plenty of other ways I do annoy people though, but it's all just teasing and mostly has to do with taking things literally.
 
I need all of you people, who are afraid to bee too loud or annoying, to come and live in apartments around me. I want some peace and quiet :D
 
Here's my take:

We're prone to being annoying without even realizing it (and without wanting to be). There are probably certain behaviors we do that we don't know are annoying.

As a result, we go out of our way to refrain from doing certain behaviors we know are annoying.

On the flipside, we (or at least I) also have a short fuse for annoying behavior in others (ironically).
 
Tired said:
I need all of you people, who are afraid to bee too loud or annoying, to come and live in apartments around me. I want some peace and quiet :D
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Your post made me realize: We tend to dislike loud noise. Perhaps that's one reason we prefer quiet neighbors.

On the other hand, a lot of neurotypicals don't mind loud noise (so they might not see the problem in being loud)
 
I personally think most of us are hard wired to be more self aware about ourselves then NTs. Primarily because we struggle so much more with picking up social cues and whatnot. It leads us to overcorrect a lot of the time. I personally also feel like in general i'd rather just treat other people how i wanted to be treated and hope that goes both ways. It's difficult sometimes though.
 
I’m very guilty of this because I live in a condo with a shared, thin wall and the non-connected units are still close enough that I can hear other people, too, sometimes.

I feel like I can’t turn on my TV or music too loudly when on a speaker without making it audible to everyone nearby. I’m also super self conscious about going up my stairs at night because they are against the wall where the other unit’s bedrooms are and I’m a night owl and I’m pretty sure the family next door goes to bed earlier than me.

I’m sure some of this is my anxiety talking, but it’s a pain that my home isn’t more soundproof.
 
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Some people think I'm annoying. I think that has led to me being self conscious about possibly being annoying at other times. I don't think I really know how to mask successfully. When I am myself a lot of people find me annoying, but when I stay quiet to avoid being annoying or because I am uncomfortable in the current situation or unsure how to respond, then many think I'm creepy. Oh, well.🤷🏼‍♀️
 
FayetheAspie said:
Some people think I'm annoying. I think that has led to me being self conscious about possibly being annoying at other times. I don't think I really know how to mask successfully. When I am myself a lot of people find me annoying, but when I stay quiet to avoid being annoying or because I am uncomfortable in the current situation or unsure how to respond, then many think I'm creepy. Oh, well.🤷🏼‍♀️
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I've been called creepy more times than I can count.

I even remember a high school classmate telling me (online, after we had already graduated) she thinks I'm sketchy and gross. And this was a classmate who had always been polite to me in high school.
 
I don't know how it relates to autism. But I do find myself leaning towards being extra aware of how my actions effect others, though to be honest I wasn't so much when young and in teens.
 
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