• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

can't get a girlfriend. Any thoughts or Advice? X_X

Steelbookcollector217 said:
Do you still think it's something you are sad and depressed about even to this day?
Click to expand...

Yes but not the same as before I finally had a relationship. I am sad about there being something wrong with me so relationships are hard. My whole life I could not get a date. Seeing the other kids in school dating, then in college and as adults people in relationships but I could not, made me feel very sad and also bad about myself.
Steelbookcollector217 said:
As for same problems, I don't even think it's possible for a woman to reach her 40s and to have never dated or never had a boyfriend before
Click to expand...

I think you have not met women who have this experience. I knew one woman who is 55 and only dated two men. Each are the only men who ever asked her out.

I think it is the same for autistic women as men.
 
A lot of people think autistic women have an easier time getting into a relationship then autistic men do due to how men have always been expected to make the first move and ask the woman out and be the ones to initiate the relationship
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
A lot of people think autistic women have an easier time getting into a relationship then autistic men
Click to expand...
I wonder where you have harvested this data from. I suspect if you speak to more autistic women you’ll find that their experiences are akin to that of men’s.

Painting either gender as the one who suffers more is generally unhelpful. Autism affects the ability to form meaningful relationships for many people. This effect can occur regardless of gender.
 
Rodafina said:
I wonder where you have harvested this data from. I suspect if you speak to more autistic women you’ll find that their experiences are akin to that of men’s.

Painting either gender as the one who suffers more is generally unhelpful. Autism affects the ability to form meaningful relationships for many people. This effect can occur regardless of gender.
Click to expand...
Well whenever I hear of a person who enters like let's say their 30s or 40s and has never dated or never been in a relationship before the person in that situation is almost always a guy or male
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
Well whenever I hear of a person who enters like let's say their 30s or 40s and has never dated or never been in a relationship before the person in that situation is almost always a guy or male
Click to expand...

Is it possible that's because guys are more likely to speak of the topic? (i.e. it's more socially acceptable / less stigmatized for a guy to be single vs for a gal to be single)
 
Well I don't remember the last time I heard of a woman reaching an age or a decade like that and never had a boyfriend or never dated and had always been alone or single. But I've heard of lots of men like that
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
Well I don't remember the last time I heard of a woman reaching an age or a decade like that and never had a boyfriend or never dated and had always been alone or single. But I've heard of lots of men like that
Click to expand...
I think if you can broaden your scope of data, it might balance your thinking. Anecdotal evidence and hearsay can sometimes skew our thinking too far in one direction.
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
Yeah I get very angry and pissed off whenever people in society have the mindset that men have it better than women do
Click to expand...
Yes, when people feel a struggle is invalidated by others, it can lead to feelings of being angry and pissed off.

I wonder if you are doing that to women right now. Invalidating their struggle. Perhaps these difficulties you speak of are a human condition, not something that one gender owns.
 
Yeah I made that comment because of over the years on how I've noticed it's more common for men than it is for women to remain chronically single later than normal
 
Steelbookcollector217 said:
Yeah I made that comment because of over the years on how I've noticed it's more common for men than it is for women to remain chronically single later than normal
Click to expand...
Yes. That is what you have noticed.

The article that you linked had nothing to do with gender other than the fact it appears to have been written by a man. Concluding that that specific article supports the notion of one gender having it worse than the other suggests a that one is noticing patterns that are not necessarily there.

For clarity, I’m not trying to downplay the hurt that you feel and have expressed here so far. I’m just wondering what value there is in being so connected to the idea that it is so much worse for men.
 
Desperation will bring bad decisions and bad company

I am kind of lonely too as of late and I am trying to work into accepting it and opening myself in a healthy way to try something.

Don't let the desperation take over first and foremost, if you get too desperate you will scare every potential partner away and attract a lot of... uh... not good situations... been there done that

Think: Do you want a girlfriend to save you from your depression or to have a legit beautiful connection? A girlfriend won't make you a happy man if you are not happy yourself

A girlfriend won't save you, you HAVE to save yourself

A girlfriend is not the solution to all your problems

If you want a girlfriend to fulfill your lack of self-love you're going at it for all the wrong reasons, first learn to love yourself. Again, a girlfriend won't save you, you have to save yourself.

If you thought of all that and realize that you need some company then be patient, be calm and be open, you will fail a LOT OF TIMES but then the right person will come along. You may even make some new friends along the way!

Rejection and being "friendzoned" is nothing to feel ashamed of, the universe or God or life is keeping you away from something that will possibly not be good for you. If a gal tells you "let's be friends" BE A REAL FRIEND not the friend that is like a dog following a master in hopes to receive love

NO

Be a friend and look somewhere else

I was recently "friendzoned" by someone and I have become a good friend for her and it's my first real friend ever and I am thankful for that so... yeah....

If one door closes don't go in through the windows that's trespassing, don't knock on the door that will never open because, even if you knock up until your knuckles bleed the door will never open

I am just barely learning this myself (been a week) and yeah, I still feel bad and desperate at times but tell myself "trust the universe"

So yeah dude... enjoy life and things will come along... hell... i just had a conversation about me feeling like "I will always be alone" but nah... someone is out there looking for me too and I need to be patient.

And don't be afraid to say NO, again, desperation will cloud your goals for a relationship and let you settle with whomever looks back your way.

If you feel the connection is not there, don't be afraid to tell her "hey man, things are not working out but we can be friends" your needs matter too!
 
Rejection and being "friendzoned" happens to a lot of guys. In high school, I knew guys who were rejected much more often than I was, yet weren't as deeply affected as I was. It didn't cause them to doubt their value as a human. I think it was because they didn't think dating success was a measure of their value. Maybe this resilience is something they learned, or maybe I learned not to be resilient. Either way, it kept them in the market and functioning and even acting happy (I don't know what was going on in their head) long after I would be crying in a toilet stall and thinking very bad thoughts.

There is also the theory that if you swing at enough balls, though you may strike out a thousand times, eventually, you'll get a hit. Not letting strike-outs prevent you from swinging is resilience. Though, you should try to learn from every attempt. (I didn't swing at many balls in high school. Count them on the fingers of one hand.)

I had to leave home and live in a radically new environment to change it. Big liberal city, clubs I shared interests with, and enough anonymity and impersonality that a mistake with one girl wouldn't poison the entire pool. Things got better, though I was never the guy who could walk into a party and probably leave with a girl on his arm. Spent most of my evenings alone.

At some point, you have to accept that you have nothing to lose. If you ask a girl out and she says no, you are in exactly the same place you'd be if you hadn't. Even if you've spent a lot of time in the effort, you still need to realize there's no point in betting your self-esteem on it. You have lost nothing but whatever time you spent wooing her. It is difficult to do this attitude adjustment if you have learned that you have to hear "yes" or you are a failure.

I do my thing and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, And you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful. If not, it can't be helped. — Fritz Perls
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom