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Corrupt A Wish

Here's my 2004 self, just for you!

I wish that Mac's weren't changing into Circle K's. (Except in Quebec, where the name will still be Couche-Tard, showing that they really don't care about English speakers there.)
 
metalminx24 Granted. You can see a whale, and you have time-travelled to the 70's to do it, where a whale was blown up, because that's what you do with a beached whale if you're the Transportation Dept and can't think past the blast.

I wish I knew if I knew what I was doing.
 

WISH GRANTED
: You know if you know, but that's all you know.
One thing you didn't know, was that Flinty made a wish, but nobody granted it.
I have vast powers today, however, and will take care of that.

WISH GRANTED: Instead of Macs turning into Circle K, the entire chain goes bankrupt & disappears.

I wish Facebook weren't so boring.
 
Wish not granted: Ye canna change the laws of physics, Cap'n !:D
Facebook will always be interminably boring.

I wish more people liked Babylon 5.
 
Granted. So many more people like it that they're still making new episodes, even though it jumped the shark for the sixth time in 2013.

I wish I could carry more groceries home from Safeway.
 
Granted, you now have eight arms allowing you to carry all your shopping.

However, everyone has mistaken you for an octopus and put you in an aquarium where a lady squid has taken a fancy to you.

When's the wedding ? :D
 
Granted. You have a wedding scheduled in 2016, and only people who disapprove are returning positive RSVPs; moreover, your mother-in-law is personally assisting with the caterer, and in honor of your lactose intolerance, you'll be cutting a magnificent cheesecake. The ambulance guys have just finished hanging the "Just Married" sign on the back of their "bus."

I wish I could learn faster.
 
WISH GRANTED:
It won't take long for you to memorize this summary of "Faster":

Driver is being released from prison after talking to the warden who tells him he should be a better person. He exits curtly, breaks into a run, seemingly set on something. He runs until he retrieves his Chevelle LS5 SS; he then drives to an office in Bakersfield where he kills a man.

Driver then goes to the man who gave him the car and the gun and forces him to give him the names and info for the rest of some list he compiled for Driver. Meanwhile, Driver is being tracked down by detective Cicero and Cop, a detective on the verge of retirement whose life is off track due to a debilitating heroin addiction. They investigate the office crime scene and video from the scene. Cicero gets a break in the case when she recognizes Driver. Later, a nameless hitman "Killer" is hired to kill Driver. Killer tells his girlfriend Lily that it is his last job, & while he seems to feel the conflict between his professional life and love life with Lily, he decides to go.

Later, Driver heads to the 2nd name on his list. It is an old man who films his own personal snuff films & he is in the middle of filming himself taking advantage of a girl he drugged when Driver busts in the door & shoots him dead. Killer has tracked down Driver and initiates a gun fight in the hallway, but Driver escapes. This affects Killer philosophically, who proposes to his girlfriend and takes the case personally.

It is revealed that Cop has a drug problem, as does his estranged wife Marina. Cop & Detective are investigating Driver's past and discover he was double crossed. Cicero remembered Driver from a video of his brother Gary's death, filmed by the man Driver has just killed. On tape, Driver is shot in the head by an unidentified man, but narrowly survives, needing surgery & a metal plate to fix his skull.

Driver goes to his old girlfriend's house. She knows he's killing the people in the video & after revealing she did something to their unborn child and has begun a new life, she tells him she hopes he succeeds. Driver then goes to Nevada to kill the man who slit his brother Gary's throat. That man works as a bouncer in a strip club, and due to security, Driver can't bring his gun inside, so instead he stabs him several times with an ice pick and leaves him to die in the bathroom. Soon, both Cop and Killer get word that the man survived the stabbing and is in the hospital. Knowing Driver will go back to finish him off, they converge on the place.

Driver enters the hospital &
kills the man when he is in surgery. Cop attempts to bring down Driver but is unsuccessful, however Driver spares his life after seeing his badge. While driving away from the hospital, Driver encounters Killer. After a high speed chase on the freeway, Killer manages to shoot Driver in the neck after Driver shoots out his tires.

Driver goes to the second-to-last name on the list, who turns out to be his father. He believed that his father was the one who arranged to have him and his half-brother Gary killed, after they refused to give him a share of the money they stole in a bank job they pulled together. He finds out that his father died years before, and his mother stitches the gunshot wound on his neck before he sets off to finish the list. Gary was his father's son from a previous marriage. The last man is a traveling evangelist & after his service is over and everyone has left, Driver confronts him. The evangelist knows why he is there, & tries to tell him that he has turned his life around, begging for forgiveness. Driver spares him & goes to leave when he is confronted by Killer.

Detective Cicero learns the true identity of the man who shot Driver. She hurries to the church with Cop already on the scene. Killer tells Driver to pick up his gun so they can have a true test of skill. But Driver declines, saying he has no fight with him. Killer then explains he wanted to be better since he could not walk when he was a child.

Cop walks in & shoots Driver in the head. It is revealed that Cop was the man who shot Driver in the video. He gives Killer the money for the job - a single dollar, the price Killer asked. Killer declines, because he wasn't the one who killed him. Killer then departs, telling Cop never to contact him again, likely signifying the end of his career as an assassin. He calls his wife, telling her that he is coming home. Cop calls his girlfriend, telling her that they will be okay because he closed the case and how he has been reading up on women. It is revealed in pieces that the Cop's wife Marina was Gary's girlfriend & a C.I for the Cop at the time of the robbery & let the info slip about the bank job & the Cop then put together the crew to take out Gary and Driver. Suddenly, he is shot by Driver, who survived the shot due to the metal plate in his skull.

Detective Cicero arrives on the scene after Driver has already left & finds Cop's body. She decides to cover up Cop's involvement in the whole mess, presumably to allow his family to receive his benefits & retain some sort of dignity. The movie ends with Driver scattering his brother's ashes in the sea and driving off into the sunset as the avenging spirit of his brother Gary; simultaneously, the Evangelist begins a sermon on the topic of forgiveness, as Driver's mercy gave him a second chance at life & unburdened his spirit from the crimes that were committed 10 years ago. Short Change Hero can be heard as the credits play....

This will be a great help & comfort to you through out the years as the movie "Faster" plays an endless
loop, first on your tv, and eventually...unbidden in your mind.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wish winter wasn't scary.
 
Granted. You're now Canadian. Oh, wait, corrupt a wish. Wait. OK, you've been a northerner all your life, so winter is no bother. But now you're going to experience a bayou summer. It's all in the acclimation.

I wish I never had to get my hair cut again. (Making me bald does not qualify as corruption here.)
 
Granted, you have been guillotined and the last thought you have as your head falls in the basket is "Oh well, at least I'll save on haircuts" :p

I wish I was better at this game :D
 
Granted. And you will be the first one eliminated after throwing ten grand down at next year's World Series of Poker. And the next year. And the year following. Et cetera, et ceteree.

I wish I knew why I keep going to Boston Pizza.
 
150px-Boston_Pizza.svg.png

WISH GRANTED: You realize that the logo has been luring you in,
with its promise of 60s nostalgia & edible pizza. Little did you
know that, regardless of how you feel about the taste of the stuff,
you will suffer BP withdrawal unless you consume an ever increasing
amount weekly. [BP withdrawal = loss of all math skills and an implacable
urge to wear bell bottoms & a paisley cravat.]

I wish I could find a teacher that wants half of my excess construction paper.
 
Granted, but she just wants the black and orange stuff.

I wish the landlord would turn the heat on.
 
WISH GRANTED:
The landlord turns the heat on you directly,
attired as Rocky Horror, pursuing you with
unwavering passion.

I wish the wood guy would figure out how to use facebook so
I could send his daughter the link to the place that shows how
to make cylindrical dolls.
 
Granted. Your inbox is now full of tube-shaped spam.

I wish I could quit Facebook.
 
Flinty
WISH GRANTED: You quit Facebook, but in the delighted delirium produced by this feat,
you make 7 new accounts for yourself and Friend Request every co-worker in your office.
They all Accept and in return, post that you are in a Relationship with each of them.
It's Complicated.

I wish I didn't feel guilty thinking about catching & keeping a slug for a pet.
 
Granted. You feel guilty about his diet of Gatorade and potato chips instead.

I wish I didn't have to take my vacation a month earlier than I wanted to.
 
WISH GRANTED:
Vacation time is rescinded. You will work instead and
pay your employer double-time rate for the privilege.

I wish there was more daylight this time of year.
 
WISH GRANTED:
Vacation time is rescinded. You will work instead and
pay your employer double-time rate for the privilege.

I wish there was more daylight this time of year.
Wish granted. Congratulations. There is more daylight this year. However, there is so much more daylight that it is always daylight. The sun never sets and the sunlight blinds everyone, literally. You no longer can see daylight and never stop feeling it.


I wish for a grain of sand.
 

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